Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Paula on July 4, 2010 at 7:38pm

Trish,

I feel the same way. My husband has been gone since 9/8/09, we had been married for 38 years. He was my best friend, met him at 15, engaged at 17 and married at 18. It's been me and him for so long, I can't imagine anyone else. I think it is insenstive of people saying "you will find someone else" like, he just left me. I'm 57 and I will be fine without another man in my life. It's not the pain so much, as unfamiliar terriorty. I'm lonely, and scared to be alone. I was put on Zolof a few weeks ago, mainly for stomach problems, related to stress. I don't think I deal with the grief like I should. I try and keep myself busy and distract myself too much. I'm attending a grief support group for 6 weeks and I attend a suicide survivor meeting once a month. Have you joined forumforsuicidesurvivors.com. It is run by a grief consuleor. Sometimes you just need to vent, and sometimes it helps to see, you're not the only one.

Paula

Permalink Reply by Trish on July 4, 2010 at 8:38pm

Paula, I also keep busy with work, exercise etc.. I then have a day or two were I think and am so depressed. I thank you for the web site you mentioned. I am going to look into a support group. I have beautiful grandkids, one that came down for a month. He is 10 and has kept me going since he got here. Whats hard is that I had no one to talk to until I found this site.

TY again, this weekend was the last time we spent time together before he took his life the following March. He had kidney failure that i didn't know of and didn't want to trouble anyone with his illness. Well I am going to take my grandson to the waterpark tomorrow. So I'm going to get some rest : ).

Trish

Paula said:

Trish,

I feel the same way. My husband has been gone since 9/8/09, we had been married for 38 years. He was my best friend, met him at 15, engaged at 17 and married at 18. It's been me and him for so long, I can't imagine anyone else. I think it is insenstive of people saying "you will find someone else" like, he just left me. I'm 57 and I will be fine without another man in my life. It's not the pain so much, as unfamiliar terriorty. I'm lonely, and scared to be alone. I was put on Zolof a few weeks ago, mainly for stomach problems, related to stress. I don't think I deal with the grief like I should. I try and keep myself busy and distract myself too much. I'm attending a grief support group for 6 weeks and I attend a suicide survivor meeting once a month. Have you joined forumforsuicidesurvivors.com. It is run by a grief consuleor. Sometimes you just need to vent, and sometimes it helps to see, you're not the only one.

Paula

Permalink Reply by Paula on July 4, 2010 at 8:58pm

Trish, My husband thought he was dying, but nothing showed up. He lost alot of weight, and the doctors ran tests, but nothing. He worked at a hospital, and had seen some of his co-workers die of cancer within a few months. I think he feared having cancer, and didn't want me to have to take care of him. I mostly think he was in fear of losing his job, and losing our house, but we only owed 28,000. I have 7 grandkids, 5 local and 2, 3 states away. I'm taking my 17 year old grand daughter to DC, Tues, as a present for her 18th birthday in August. I also found a site for widows, called Soaring Spirits. They have a Widow Camp every year, in Aug. Keep in touch.

Permalink Reply by SUE on July 5, 2010 at 4:04pm

Trish,
Im glad you found us too! First off I know you are hurting, and 4 years does not mean the pain is gone , but perhaps its a little less and not as sharp or as all encompassing as it was in the beginning. I guess you could say in that regard you are moving on. The heart is big enough to love more than one and still have love left over for those that are here and those that are gone. You just cant tell a heart what to do, it feels how it feels, and love grows...
I will clarify my sentiment by saying how I can still love a man long gone from this earth, while married to another happily for those years inbetween, my heart loves both. It took me a real long time to accept that fact, to not feel like Im betraying anyone, its just how it is. I wouldnt trade the time Ive shared with either for surely the love I gave, was returned to me 10 fold. Not sure this helps any, we are all different, but I hope it does Trish. If you choose to stay alone thats ok too, just wanted to share this in case something happens in the future that might change your mind.

Sue

Permalink Reply by Trish on July 6, 2010 at 9:14pm

Hi Sue, hope you are doing well. I guess I am moving on in a way. I love my family very much and that's what keeps me going. I am usually busy, I have found that when I had to much time on my hands I kept thinking and hurting. I do hope that someday I will find out exactly what happened. Was there a letter, how is his son. I would love to meet his family, I tried to reach out a couple of months later but noone ever got back to me. You mentioned to me once I should try now that time has gone by. But at the time I couldn't it , I was so weak. I just might now that 3 yrs have gone by.

Well I hope you have a great day or evening.

Trish

SUE said:

Trish,
Im glad you found us too! First off I know you are hurting, and 4 years does not mean the pain is gone , but perhaps its a little less and not as sharp or as all encompassing as it was in the beginning. I guess you could say in that regard you are moving on. The heart is big enough to love more than one and still have love left over for those that are here and those that are gone. You just cant tell a heart what to do, it feels how it feels, and love grows...
I will clarify my sentiment by saying how I can still love a man long gone from this earth, while married to another happily for those years inbetween, my heart loves both. It took me a real long time to accept that fact, to not feel like Im betraying anyone, its just how it is. I wouldnt trade the time Ive shared with either for surely the love I gave, was returned to me 10 fold. Not sure this helps any, we are all different, but I hope it does Trish. If you choose to stay alone thats ok too, just wanted to share this in case something happens in the future that might change your mind.

Sue

Permalink Reply by SUE on July 9, 2010 at 9:44pm

Not weak Trish...just not ready. My ex love had kids I never met too..I spoke at their fathers funeral. I rode with his mom and sister and Mikes remains to the cemetary. I didnt expect that... In a facebook memorial tribute, all pics of him and I erased..out of respect for his children I believe. For their memories are of mom and dad and thats all they want to know. You may have better luck with the adults Trish. We buried Mike this past January, he had been missing since 1996..my love for him hasnt faded, perhaps in a way its stronger, its just how it is....
have yourself a great day too Trish : )

Trish said:

Hi Sue, hope you are doing well. I guess I am moving on in a way. I love my family very much and that's what keeps me going. I am usually busy, I have found that when I had to much time on my hands I kept thinking and hurting. I do hope that someday I will find out exactly what happened. Was there a letter, how is his son. I would love to meet his family, I tried to reach out a couple of months later but noone ever got back to me. You mentioned to me once I should try now that time has gone by. But at the time I couldn't it , I was so weak. I just might now that 3 yrs have gone by.

Well I hope you have a great day or evening.

Trish

SUE said:

Trish,
Im glad you found us too! First off I know you are hurting, and 4 years does not mean the pain is gone , but perhaps its a little less and not as sharp or as all encompassing as it was in the beginning. I guess you could say in that regard you are moving on. The heart is big enough to love more than one and still have love left over for those that are here and those that are gone. You just cant tell a heart what to do, it feels how it feels, and love grows...
I will clarify my sentiment by saying how I can still love a man long gone from this earth, while married to another happily for those years inbetween, my heart loves both. It took me a real long time to accept that fact, to not feel like Im betraying anyone, its just how it is. I wouldnt trade the time Ive shared with either for surely the love I gave, was returned to me 10 fold. Not sure this helps any, we are all different, but I hope it does Trish. If you choose to stay alone thats ok too, just wanted to share this in case something happens in the future that might change your mind.

Sue