I'm writing to get help and support and preys for my teenage daughter. My daughter is 18 and last Monday, her boyfriend of eight months shot himself because she was breaking up with him. He was 20, no job, no car.She told him when he got a job then they could get back together. But that wasn't good enough for him. I know the boy was depressed his parents had just got a divorce after 20 years. All my daughter was tring to do was make him help his self. She told him that he would feel better about his self after he got a job. She was talking on the phone to him when he killed himself. He ask her if they where going to get back together and she said not right now. So he hung up the phone.Then he called her back and said "this is all your fault five,four,three,two,one,bang. She and a friend jump in her car and went to his house.They could see him thru the curtains in the livingroom. They called 911. I ask her why she didn't hang up and call 911 when he started counting. She said mom he had said he was going to kill himself many times. I didn't think he would do it. Now she is a mess. She thinks it's all her fault that she should've have just taken him back. I tell her no that he might have don't it on down the line. She asked him to see a dr about depressions but he said he didn't need it. I don't have any ideal on how to help her thru this. I'm getting her an appointment with a grief councilor. And her and I are going to a couple different groups for support. My real worry is that she will never get over this. She had been 15 months clean from drugs but now I notice that she is hanging with some of her drug friends. I need all the preyers I can get. And also for the parents of this boy that left this world in so much pain. I know he is at peace now. He was a good kid but he didn't want anyone in my daughters life but him. Please prey for him and my daughter.
I am so sorry for your loss Kathy. Personally, no one in my family has committed suicide, but 2 months ago a friend of mine lost her husband this way. He was having so many economical, physical, and emotional problems that he jumped off a building, leaving behind his wife, 2 daughters, family, and friends. She was devastated. Yet, we are comforted to know that this life is not all there is and that there will be a resurrection (John 5: 28, 29). In the meantime, it is not easy to face the struggles in life, my friend, for example, has asked herself many times, "I wonder if he is now suffering in hell?" "Will I ever get to see him again?" As we have discovered, however, the Bible gives answers to all these questions - it gives us a solid hope for the near future.
WOW! This must really be hard for you. Nursing school...3 children to take care of...a scar difficult to heal...ALL at one time. I don't know how you handle it. You have to be strong for your children and give them a fine example of faith and endurance, yet, we are not superheroes. I am no one to tell you what to do, but I think it would be a good idea to talk to someone, to gain hope for the future. If you do so, the pain and anger you may now feel, will turn into hope and happiness. I know this strategy has worked for me and my friends! Take care Kathy - and remember, there is nothing you cannot do if you try.
Kathy Erdman said:Thankyou for your response. It is good to know that there are people, even stragers who care, who share in this sad expierence. I went to a website about suicide, to find out that one occurs about every 18 minutes, i believe that is what i read. I just thought oh my god, every 18 mnutes another family crushed, having to deal with the aftermath of this horrible feeling. I am a nurse, i have seen countless people die and many more really who are sick but who will die, there life cut short. Loss is loss no matter how it happens whether it be disease or by accident, i always thought it was all the same after all not seeing the person again no matter how the event took place is the end result. But no, now i firmly believe that this is worse, worse in that you blame yourself, for something you did, said, didnt say, didnt know about, did know about. Why didnt he call, should i have called more. They dont realize what they leave in this aftermath for the survivors and how can they, i dont blame him or anyone, they are not thinking correctly, they are ill, just like other illnesses. After i seperated from him for a time i worked in a setting that involved behavioral health, i stayed a year, i couldnt do it, it was seeing the same pain i lived with when i lived with him, trying to help and feeling like uncapable of helping. I cared, i tried, but now to no avail. He had his bouts of i suppose was depression, but yet would work and then be full of energy, full of life. I believe now he was maybe bipolar, the moods would swing. There has to be better help in health care for these mental health issues. To cut your life short at 44, why. He even moved on to meet someone else and i have a terrible range of emotions about that now too. I want to forgive but cant, Im angry at her and i dont really even know her. She butted into our relationship and she should of kept herself out, her interference didnt even allow me time to get my belongings out of the house, and its not about the belongings, the matieral items, there was no time to even talk, think, resolve, or deal with any of the issues. My children lived there, i lived there, and even if the end result was the same, if i still had to move out and leave him to seperate, i and we could of had time to talk about it decently, allowing time to decompress the feelings over the years that i was involved. I worked with him, dated him, got engaged, got married to him, lived there for years. We spent holidays, vacations, every day times and this person had the gall to sit in the driveway when i had stopped to get things or leave him a note. I can honestly say, if i met tom cruise himself tommorrow i would never ever, ever do this to someone else, be in the middle and interfere in when you dont belong. And now..now i feel what does all this matter, he is gone now, gone a week ago..He lost his life, we lost him, his parents lost a son who they knew 44 years. She new him what maybe 2 years of his 44 years. So there is all these raw feelings, once only barely buried, now back again, now to be rehashed again, unsorted. I miss him, i love his family. They are awesome people. My kids miss him, are still crying from a week ago. My daughter has been writing him letters. I feel like i need to move away from the area, his house is maybe a mile or so from where i rent now. I have looked at his picture countless times a day, I know its not good. I know i need to move on. I have 3 children, the youngest is 11. I am in school for more nursing and the program is intense. I cant be having a break down, or even a distraction truthfully in this education. It is alot of work, and i work a job and have the kids to think of first....and yet how do you just do tasks, its like acting like a big pink elephant is not in the room. You cant avoid it, pretend its not real. It is real, real pain, real tragedy. real loss. There was supposed to be also a baby, a child, and that didnt happen and its been a issue i feel im hardly over, now its back again, haunting me. Would it of changed things, would he be here..alive and here. not gone. Would his parents have this child to be with now, a child of his, something from him, that they could hold onto. he never had children. His parents love kids. Im left to wonder, how decisions in the recent past, now affect the future. He called me 6 weeks ago, if that. It was a half hour conversation maybe. He mentioned the baby, or lack of, every time he called me. I took it as to hurt me, but now after this , i wonder. Was he hurting , was it so unresolved for him too. Otherwise why would he mention it. I am sure i am being too candid , but the feelings are so raw, so overwhelming and i have no one to tell. Not parents really, and certainly not my children. I need to be the strong one, not the one this confused. I dont want to forget him ever, but the pain. We are now part of some painful group left to deal with this, like a sad game with no instructions on how to cope.
Leo said:I am so sorry for your loss Kathy. Personally, no one in my family has committed suicide, but 2 months ago a friend of mine lost her husband this way. He was having so many economical, physical, and emotional problems that he jumped off a building, leaving behind his wife, 2 daughters, family, and friends. She was devastated. Yet, we are comforted to know that this life is not all there is and that there will be a resurrection (John 5: 28, 29). In the meantime, it is not easy to face the struggles in life, my friend, for example, has asked herself many times, "I wonder if he is now suffering in hell?" "Will I ever get to see him again?" As we have discovered, however, the Bible gives answers to all these questions - it gives us a solid hope for the near future.