Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by SUE on August 2, 2010 at 1:19am

Melissa,
This is a support group, unfortunately it is also a holiday weekend and I for one have been away. Let me welcome you and offer you my condolences for the tragic loss of your brother and mother. I do get it. I also lost my brother to suicide and just a few months previous my step-mom/friend was murdered. Losses so close together almost crushed me, Im sorry you are experiencing the same. Im glad you have a supportive husband it truly helps even if there is nothing that anyone can do to fix things it helps knowing that someone cares at least. A visit to your doctor or therapist or whatever works for you is highly recommended, cause even us strong people need help too. It also helps to talk/write about your loved ones, their loss, your grief, as well as learning about depression and other related topics. Mostly, however just be kind to you, this takes time, just keep breathing and know you are not alone.
(hugs) Sue

Permalink Reply by Randall on August 2, 2010 at 9:24am

Melissa, please hold on.. thoughts can be overwhelming. My 22 year old son just committed the ultimate act.. makes me want to follow him.. but no, there is no hurry to join him... he is waiting and i will see all in time. I believe that God is testing us... How much can we endure?? Lots more... because life is a test... and everyone loses in the end. Please be good to yourself and it will reflect. Randall

Permalink Reply by Marcey Igo on August 3, 2010 at 1:29am

i am so sorry for your losses. I lost an uncle, in 1999 This is an aniversary month. He was depressed, and they say it was a clinical depression.

Its difficult because we can't even begin to understand their heart, or know what drove them to this act. We blame ourselves, for not recognizing the signs. and of course the missing and wondering seems to never go away.
Your fear, begins with why? what could I have done to prevent it? the answer is
possibly nothing. Do not blame yourself.
This is not about us. its about something that they could not deal with.

I know I have been so close, three times, once as a teenager, I felt unworthy of being loved. I starved for love. and could not escape an endless war that was going on inside my brain. I was obsecessed, with fixing the problem but my solution cheapened me. in a final part, my mind was like not there, and I watched myself, put my arm through a bedroom window and bring it back. I did not even feel the pain.

The second time I was so ticked off and currant situation, mainly the position I was in was in a loveless marriage, where I felt like I was already in hell, and death was the ultimate escape. Why not ask for help.
Its, hard to ask for help when you don't understand your feelings, you don't understand, what this embalance in your mind is. and I felt, that the world would be better off, with out me because, I was completely unworthy to live.
my heart had become bitter. I could not cope with the anger, I felt inside.

the final, step was if one betrayed a loved one.
if it makes you feel any better . He was not thinking of you when he died, he was thinking of an escape to the pain inside. in Releaving that pain and source of
pain.

As far as being a mate we can feel that we love them with all our hearts, soul our minds and we have given everything we knew to give. but a heart that is feels deprived of love, sometimes has block in recieving.it. Imagine standing outside of Glass box, and the red Rose that represented love was sealed inside.
but there was no way to get in to get that love, because there was this wall around it. that has no windows or not doors. with out love, there is nothing.
except, helplessness. without feeling love, and being emptied of love, the person has nothing to live for. I hope this helps some.

you can not change his life. he is gone. But the important thing is do not blame God. he did not take this love from you. but he is there to give you strength, to carry on. You are not alone, all you have to do, is ask, The lord to come in to heart and seal it with the love you need for this period of grief. I pray that your heart will heal, with the Love of God. because only he can touch the heart and take away your loneliness. and the agony you feel today.


I

Permalink Reply by Ton'ee on August 3, 2010 at 5:03am

Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss. It is difficult but, you are not alone. It is good that you have your family around and your husband to lean on. Take care of yourself. Support groups are helpful, counselors to talk to, meds to help you at least sleep, and remember to eat some food. For me, I slept all the time. I dont know if it helped but, that is how my body responded. Take care...

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 3, 2010 at 11:37am

SUE said:

Melissa,
This is a support group, unfortunately it is also a holiday weekend and I for one have been away. Let me welcome you and offer you my condolences for the tragic loss of your brother and mother. I do get it. I also lost my brother to suicide and just a few months previous my step-mom/friend was murdered. Losses so close together almost crushed me, Im sorry you are experiencing the same. Im glad you have a supportive husband it truly helps even if there is nothing that anyone can do to fix things it helps knowing that someone cares at least. A visit to your doctor or therapist or whatever works for you is highly recommended, cause even us strong people need help too. It also helps to talk/write about your loved ones, their loss, your grief, as well as learning and other related topics. Mostly, however just be kind to you, this takes time, just keep breathing and know you are not alone.
(hugs) Sue

Permalink Reply by Tom Quaely on August 7, 2010 at 1:31pm

My name is Tom, and my brother commited suicide 5 years ago in January, by sophocating himself with Chloroform. My Pastor actually recommended this site for a Legacy will,and I saw the post by Melissa above,and I was just compelled to share my thoughts as well. My Brother had attempted suicide 10 years before in a horrific way, but did not succeed. He was in and out of mental institutions and eventually handed to my parents and said you deal with him,he's beyond hope. He lasted 10 more years, working in my field and excelling more than I could have ever hoped. He had a girlfriend and was on the outside,a successful,handsome man. Underneath, he still had a desire to see the "other side" After what we thought was such a wonderful Xmas,I spoke to him a few times,but not as often.And in January,a cold bitter weekdn of weather, he missed an appt with his therapist, and when I got to his apt, he had been dead for 3 days. He left notes,but none really expalined why. Do they ever?

I miss him, and becasue he worked in my field,I'm reminded of him often,and working not far from his home. 2 years later, my father died of cancer. My oldest daughter in 2 years lost her Uncle and her Grandfather,and the pieces were never really put back together. It's still a struggle. I have had the supposrt of my wife who has been there through out and helped guide me through some difficult decisions. So Melissa, I just wanted to say to you that someone did read your thoughts and so did the other few here and there is support out there,even if it's just word from a stranger. I think here, one can say we know what you're going through.

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 7, 2010 at 7:22pm

Thank you sue, It's just so hard to put my feelings out there and I appreciate that I'm not alone. The closer it gets to the day the more depressed I get. I will talk to my doctor about getting some help.

SUE said:

Melissa,
This is a support group, unfortunately it is also a holiday weekend and I for one have been away. Let me welcome you and offer you my condolences for the tragic loss of your brother and mother. I do get it. I also lost my brother to suicide and just a few months previous my step-mom/friend was murdered. Losses so close together almost crushed me, Im sorry you are experiencing the same. Im glad you have a supportive husband it truly helps even if there is nothing that anyone can do to fix things it helps knowing that someone cares at least. A visit to your doctor or therapist or whatever works for you is highly recommended, cause even us strong people need help too. It also helps to talk/write about your loved ones, their loss, your grief, as well as learning and other related topics. Mostly, however just be kind to you, this takes time, just keep breathing and know you are not alone.
(hugs) Sue

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 7, 2010 at 7:25pm

I'm sorry to hear about your brother Tom. It is hard to think that I will never see or hear my brothers voice again. I'm glad that I found this site. Thank you

Tom Quaely said:

My name is Tom, and my brother commited suicide 5 years ago in January, by sophocating himself with Chloroform. My Pastor actually recommended this site for a Legacy will,and I saw the post by Melissa above,and I was just compelled to share my thoughts as well. My Brother had attempted suicide 10 years before in a horrific way, but did not succeed. He was in and out of mental institutions and eventually handed to my parents and said you deal with him,he's beyond hope. He lasted 10 more years, working in my field and excelling more than I could have ever hoped. He had a girlfriend and was on the outside,a successful,handsome man. Underneath, he still had a desire to see the "other side" After what we thought was such a wonderful Xmas,I spoke to him a few times,but not as often.And in January,a cold bitter weekdn of weather, he missed an appt with his therapist, and when I got to his apt, he had been dead for 3 days. He left notes,but none really expalined why. Do they ever?

I miss him, and becasue he worked in my field,I'm reminded of him often,and working not far from his home. 2 years later, my father died of cancer. My oldest daughter in 2 years lost her Uncle and her Grandfather,and the pieces were never really put back together. It's still a struggle. I have had the supposrt of my wife who has been there through out and helped guide me through some difficult decisions. So Melissa, I just wanted to say to you that someone did read your thoughts and so did the other few here and there is support out there,even if it's just word from a stranger. I think here, one can say we know what you're going through.

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 7, 2010 at 11:10pm

Thank you Ton'ee. My husband is a good man. He has always been here for me, and I love him very much for that, It's just when I try to talk to him about how I am feeling, he wants to talk about himself and mot listen to what I am saying. Like I said he tries but it's not really helping. Yes he has lost both his mom and dad but not a sibling this way, so I really don't think he knows how I feel. My brother was my best friend, I have three sister and another brother. and we a a very close family. I have a twin and we are very close but not as close as I was to him. I mean now we are getting closer. scene we lost our bother though, we have gotten closer. Thank you again for your kind words.

Ton'ee said:

Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss. It is difficult but, you are not alone. It is good that you have your family around and your husband to lean on. Take care of yourself. Support groups are helpful, counselors to talk to, meds to help you at least sleep, and remember to eat some food. For me, I slept all the time. I dont know if it helped but, that is how my body responded. Take care...

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 7, 2010 at 11:18pm

I'm sorry to hear about your son, I can't even imagine losing a child, I have two kids of my own, but the way we lost our loved ones the same way and I also want to join him, not only because he is there but because my life seems to be falling apart and not sure how to work it out. but I do know I have to live for my kids and that is what is keeping me alive. the depression is getting bad the closer it gets to the day we lost him. Thank you Randall for your support.

Randall said:

Melissa, please hold on.. thoughts can be overwhelming. My 22 year old son just committed the ultimate act.. makes me want to follow him.. but no, there is no hurry to join him... he is waiting and i will see all in time. I believe that God is testing us... How much can we endure?? Lots more... because life is a test... and everyone loses in the end. Please be good to yourself and it will reflect. Randall

Permalink Reply by melissa on August 7, 2010 at 11:26pm

Thank you Marcey. It's hard not to blame god he took more then just my mom and brother he took a big piece of my life with them. With my mom we knew it was coming because of the cancer taking over. but my brother? He was always a strong man and a very loving man and I don't understand what made him do this to the family knowing we was still hurting from the lose of our mom. Some days I get so mad that I just want to scream, hit or other things. I need help or I will go crazy.

Marcey Igo said:

i am so sorry for your losses. I lost an uncle, in 1999 This is an aniversary month. He was depressed, and they say it was a .

Its difficult because we can't even begin to understand their heart, or know what drove them to this act. We blame ourselves, for not recognizing the signs. and of course the missing and wondering seems to never go away.
Your fear, begins with why? what could I have done to prevent it? the answer is
possibly nothing. Do not blame yourself.
This is not about us. its about something that they could not deal with.

I know I have been so close, three times, once as a teenager, I felt unworthy of being loved. I starved for love. and could not escape an endless war that was going on inside my brain. I was obsecessed, with fixing the problem but my solution cheapened me. in a final part, my mind was like not there, and I watched myself, put my arm through a bedroom window and bring it back. I did not even feel the pain.

The second time I was so ticked off and currant situation, mainly the position I was in was in a loveless marriage, where I felt like I was already in hell, and death was the ultimate escape. Why not ask for help.
Its, hard to ask for help when you don't understand your feelings, you don't understand, what this embalance in your mind is. and I felt, that the world would be better off, with out me because, I was completely unworthy to live.
my heart had become bitter. I could not cope with the anger, I felt inside.

the final, step was if one betrayed a loved one.
if it makes you feel any better . He was not thinking of you when he died, he was thinking of an escape to the pain inside. in Releaving that pain and source of
pain.

As far as being a mate we can feel that we love them with all our hearts, soul our minds and we have given everything we knew to give. but a heart that is feels deprived of love, sometimes has block in recieving.it. Imagine standing outside of Glass box, and the red Rose that represented love was sealed inside.
but there was no way to get in to get that love, because there was this wall around it. that has no windows or not doors. with out love, there is nothing.
except, helplessness. without feeling love, and being emptied of love, the person has nothing to live for. I hope this helps some.

you can not change his life. he is gone. But the important thing is do not blame God. he did not take this love from you. but he is there to give you strength, to carry on. You are not alone, all you have to do, is ask, The lord to come in to heart and seal it with the love you need for this period of grief. I pray that your heart will heal, with the Love of God. because only he can touch the heart and take away your loneliness. and the agony you feel today.


I

Permalink Reply by SUE on August 8, 2010 at 3:59pm

Melissa,
I know the " d-day" is getting closer , I hope it passes peacefully for you. I have found generally speaking that the days leading up to tend to be far worse than the actual day itself..((hugs))

melissa said:

Thank you Marcey. It's hard not to blame god he took more then just my mom and brother he took a big piece of my life with them. With my mom we knew it was coming because of the cancer taking over. but my brother? He was always a strong man and a very loving man and I don't understand what made him do this to the family knowing we was still hurting from the lose of our mom. Some days I get so mad that I just want to scream, hit or other things. I need help or I will go crazy.

Marcey Igo said:

i am so sorry for your losses. I lost an uncle, in 1999 This is an aniversary month. He was depressed, and they say it was a .

Its difficult because we can't even begin to understand their heart, or know what drove them to this act. We blame ourselves, for not recognizing the signs. and of course the missing and wondering seems to never go away.
Your fear, begins with why? what could I have done to prevent it? the answer is
possibly nothing. Do not blame yourself.
This is not about us. its about something that they could not deal with.

I know I have been so close, three times, once as a teenager, I felt unworthy of being loved. I starved for love. and could not escape an endless war that was going on inside my brain. I was obsecessed, with fixing the problem but my solution cheapened me. in a final part, my mind was like not there, and I watched myself, put my arm through a bedroom window and bring it back. I did not even feel the pain.

The second time I was so ticked off and currant situation, mainly the position I was in was in a loveless marriage, where I felt like I was already in hell, and death was the ultimate escape. Why not ask for help.
Its, hard to ask for help when you don't understand your feelings, you don't understand, what this embalance in your mind is. and I felt, that the world would be better off, with out me because, I was completely unworthy to live.
my heart had become bitter. I could not cope with the anger, I felt inside.

the final, step was if one betrayed a loved one.
if it makes you feel any better . He was not thinking of you when he died, he was thinking of an escape to the pain inside. in Releaving that pain and source of
pain.

As far as being a mate we can feel that we love them with all our hearts, soul our minds and we have given everything we knew to give. but a heart that is feels deprived of love, sometimes has block in recieving.it. Imagine standing outside of Glass box, and the red Rose that represented love was sealed inside.
but there was no way to get in to get that love, because there was this wall around it. that has no windows or not doors. with out love, there is nothing.
except, helplessness. without feeling love, and being emptied of love, the person has nothing to live for. I hope this helps some.

you can not change his life. he is gone. But the important thing is do not blame God. he did not take this love from you. but he is there to give you strength, to carry on. You are not alone, all you have to do, is ask, The lord to come in to heart and seal it with the love you need for this period of grief. I pray that your heart will heal, with the Love of God. because only he can touch the heart and take away your loneliness. and the agony you feel today.


I

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