It was a year July 14th that I lost my brother. It gets where you can handle day to day a little easier. It is so hard watching my parents and I wish I could help them out more. I miss my brother so much and there aren't alot of people who understand. The holidays are always harder!!
My brother killed himself Nov 5th 1996 and then December 11th 2009, my son committed suicide. I don't have any great words of wisdom, but when my brother died, I found a website similar to this one and it helped a lot. I found those like me, and who were having the same feelings I was having. This time, I have found support through other mothers around me that have lost their children. I know the pain is great and unbearable at times, but it's good to share it someplace or someone that you trust. You might even consider a journal. This helped with my brother, but it doesn't seem to help with my sons loss right now, so I'm searching other ways for comfort. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers
Dear Isabel hi!
My name is Catherine. My son took his life three years ago. He was 37. My husband found him. It has been a very difficult journey through the wilderness of grief for all our family. We grieve because we loved him and we still do. I do not have great words of wisdom but I can share what helped us.
Each person grieves differently. I had to accept that. Sometimes this creates friction for those left behind because we expect the others to comfort us, but they cannot because they are grieving too. What helped me are the following.
1. Accepting God's unconditional love for me and my son.
2. I designated a certain day and time for grieving, for example Saturday afternoon. When I became overwhelmed with grief, I would tell myself, "not now.. On Saturday...".
3. I keep a journal and I write all my dreams about my son, poems to him, letters of love and how much I miss him and so on..
4. When the pain of grief comes like a big wave over me, seeking to drown me, I immediately think of what I have left. I choose to think of my 13 year old grandson and how wonderful and loving he is and what a great future he will have. That gives me hope.
5. In my son's memory I have chosen to visit people with mental health issues and comfort them and encourage them. I also give what I can to charities in his name. This is the hidden gift that grief has given me. I am more patient, compassionate and loving toward the hurting.
6. I learned to take care of myself, forgive myself for not saving my son, and accept that it was his choice and it is in the past. Deciding to do the best I can with what I have left in his memory honors him and I don't feel he died in vain.
I pray that my experience may help you and your family in some way. I am sorry for your pain, remember you are not alone and you are loved.
Isabel Vargas said:
Thanks everybody, I really appreciate everything you have told me. And yes I know talking about it helps, but somedays it seems like nothing helps, but Im trying to take it day by day. Im actually feeling kind of bad right now for the reason that Christmas is coming and I will not have my brother with me and that makes me feel very sad. I also feel bad because my mom and dad are feeling terrible and that makes feel depressed because I dont like to see them like that. Especially my dad because he was the one that found my brother. So if somebody can give me some advice in what way I can help my parents???