Since my brother commited suicide I have been torn apart inside. Part of my conflict is the act of suicide. I do not want to make this a religious issue, but I guess there is no way around it for me. Deep inside me I do not feel suicide is a sin, but I can not help it when questions start forming in my head.  I honestly believe, certain people I know very well view this completely different than me....why else wouldn't I receive at least a sympathy card from relatives! When I start to doubt my beliefs I feel he may be lost somewhere or wonder if he is with our parents. By no means do I want to bring something up which may trouble someone more than they already are.   All I really want to know is if any of you have experienced the same back & forth thoughts regarding this.  Another words, are these "normal" thoughts?

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Gloria, I want to let you know, I did read your post and I thank you. I do appreciate your words. It's been quite awhile since I visited this site.

Sometimes, my brain wants to shut down when it comes to my brother. I push him away in my head and refuse to "deal" with it.  I hope this finds you well and that you are remaining strong. 

Gloria Callighan said:

Hi Joyce.  Yes I too never received any sympathy cards.  All I got was shocked faces and shaking of the heads and some people even walked away from me.  I don't blame them, because it still shocks me that my son was so severely depressed that he actually picked up a gun and shot himself in the head.  If Mike wasn't sick, I know he' d never ever consider this.  I told you he suffered terribly with migraines, well where he shot himself, just alittle left /center near his right eye is where his pain was.  He had MRI's etc. and no sinus showed up.  He was self medicating with alot of pain pills, I found out later, but I know his ex-gf just pushed him over the edge.  He died because he loved someone so much and she couldn't return the favor.  For this I know God has not turned his back on Mike.  Not for loving someone!  Oh yes I have many thoughts, Brought up Roman Catholic, Suicide is a Sin.  When the priest came to me that night, through my tears I asked him, Is Mike going to Hell?  and Father said to me, No, God is so big and vast, Mike is not going to hell.  But a few days later, as I was laying my head down to sleep I literally heard an ugly groaning sound.  When I lifted my head more, I heard Mike call out to me "Mom" and then the groaning again.  Call me crazy but I think he did visit hell.  It scare me and I prayed constantly.  But soon after I woke up to having that feeling of someone right behind me. He stayed with me while I walked through the apt and I was giddy and I said to my mom, something good is going to happen to Mike, and soon thereafter while near my mom's bed, I bent over her and when I stood up, I got the best damn hug I could ever get from Mike.  He just wrapped his arms around me and melted into me.  I knew he was passing over.  It was a glorious day.  No I don't believe he is in Hell or ever near it.  I believe God showed him hell and it was him calling to me to pray for him.  He is now in that other world, because we really can't say Heaven, Heaven is for judgment day.  But with all my heart I still say he will go to Heaven as I hope all of us will to meet up again with our loved ones.  When I get the icky thoughts, I immediately say the Our Father Prayer or Hail Mary.  Joyce I hope my story has been some help to you.  I think anything we think is normal, because we just don't really have all the facts as to WHY.  Your friend, Gloria

Hi Joyce. My name is Dianne. Hope to hear back from you as to the reason your brother committed suicide. My father committed suicide when I was 15 years old and I carried the guilt of it till age 57. Don't carry that feeling that long because it will become so rooted down inside your heart.  I finally forgave my father and life is good.  Text me back and we can talk more.  I know this was 2012 that you posted your discussion so how are you doing now?

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