Hi, My name is Barb. This is my first time here. Really hoping for some help. On Oct.8th I found my brother in law in his back yard. He had shot himself, 3 days earlier. I'm haunted by the site burned into my mind. I really could use some help in letting this go. I will not talk to my husband & family about this. I feel they dont need to know what I saw. I'd like them to remember him in their minds as the last time they saw him not as I did.   So thats what i need help w/. Thanks, Barb

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Hi Barb. though i have not seen what you have I empathisize with you because the thoughts of this are with me also. I would imagine your family has these thoughts even though they did not see what you saw. It has helped to know others who suffer the tremendous loss as we have for our family may not be as close as you were. my son i know was very close as sibliings are. i kind of wish i could have been a sibling to have shared all that they do with our beloved... thinking of you and your pain wishing we could put this pain in a better place. went to see harry potter. and the theme was death. in a good way though i think. it was a good movie. need to get out and share good times with your family. please be aware we are here to help and know a little more of what you are going through carrie L
Hi Carrie L., Thank you for your note. At this point in time any words are helpful. I have been with my husband since I was 15 yrs old. So my brother in law & I kind of grew up together. Im 52 now. This is not my first time seeing & or being around death but it was my first ( & Pray to God my last) suicide. I held my father in law in my arms when he past, I found my granddaughter when she past of sids, I was w/ my mother in law when she past. All this just in the last 4 years. This suicide is just stirring up all the last 4 yrs. It's hard to find anyone to talk to on these matters. I hope in here i will be able to talk about all this. Thanks for the movie info. We just took our grandson to see Twisted. We all loved it. We did that on Thanksgiving instead of go to go see people. Any way, Thank you, BArb
Barb, I lost my daughter april 19th of this year. I was the one to find her. The site of my daughter that day when I found her will haunt me forever. Am so thankful that no one else saw what I saw. I do talk to my husband about it...if I didn't I would go crazy. But even tho I will never be able to forget the last time I am now able to remember the good times when she was laughing joking and just being Betsy. You need to find someone that you can talk to counselor or a good friend just to be able to talk to someone about it helps. No I didn't tell the rest of my family what I saw like you..it won't do anyone any good. If you need to talk I am here.
Barb, I lost my daughter april 19th of this year. I was the one to find her. The site of my daughter that day when I found her will haunt me forever. Am so thankful that no one else saw what I saw. I do talk to my husband about it...if I didn't I would go crazy. But even tho I will never be able to forget the last time I am now able to remember the good times when she was laughing joking and just being Betsy. You need to find someone that you can talk to counselor or a good friend just to be able to talk to someone about it helps. No I didn't tell the rest of my family what I saw like you..it won't do anyone any good. If you need to talk I am here.
Barb,
Im sorry for your loss, for all your losses. So many in such a short time. I have not been the "finder" of a suicide so I cant comment on that. I am only a survivor. From others that I have spoken to, Ive been told that those images do soften in time. I hope happier memories will replace those that haunt you now.
We are here Barb so keep talking it really does help.
Sue
Hi Barb, I'm going to keep you in my prayers because I can't imagine what you're going through everyday with the visions of your brother-in-law constantly in your head. My brother shot himself in the head, and my Dad found him. I felt sorry for him because he say my brother in a way that I don't think I could've handled. I think that you should talk to someone to at least let them know what's going on with you. You need to let some of the pain go some way and I think talking about it will help you. Please take care.
Thank you Chris for your kind words. I pray for your father for what he has seen. I do find it helpful to write down my words, it does ease the pain. Thanks you Hug, Barb
Hi Barb, My daughter found my son and she went to get Rapid eye movement therapy for the PTS. It helps to relocate the memories to a part of the brain that is a little harder to recall. My heart goes out to you and all I can say is don't try to manage this all on your own. Go get help because you have suffered a terrible loss and deserve support and comfort. Blessings to you. Margie
Hi Margie, So sorry for your loss. Thank you for the info. I'm talking a bit more & it does help. I feel very sad for your daughter to have had to go through this part & again very sorry for your loss. It's nice in here to write to nice people who care. Thank you, keep your faith, hugs Barb

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