Im 30 years old and after a bad relationship i finally found a wonderful man, he and his children were my whole world, he was the most kindest amazing man. 4 weeks ago he took his life and im so lost and hurt, angry, confused as to why. he seemed so happy.

we would have been married 5 months on the 3rd may.

How do i get through this

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One day at a time...My husband committed suicide after 13.5 years of marrage.  It takes time but in the end you find yourself at peace.  It is not your fault.  Each one of us makes our own choices.  Some of us have chemical imbalances that color our lives hiding the truth.  And my motto is this too shall pass...

 

how do i get passed asking why and what if or if only, i do it all day without realising. i know i will never have these answers but i still find myself asking. i miss him so much and love him dearly but at the same time im angry with him for doing this, is this normal to be angry

Dear Bethany,

Yes, it is normal to feel angry.  As well as a whole host of other strong emotions.  We ask why, what if, if only I..., even knowing that whatever answers we think make sense will still be incomplete.  I've tried to not waste my time with Whys and What ifs, but I find it impossible not to do it anyway.  After a year of it, I still find myself asking, searching, examining every shred of information.  I will say this, that it is becoming less urgent for me to do it, so I think I'm working my way towards a more peaceful place. 

We try to make sense of the tragedy of our loved one's violent death as best we can, and when we run out of things to examine (and re-examine in light of any new bits of information), we finally will get to the place of being able to accept the conclusion of our efforts as the closest thing to reality that we can attain.  I think that maybe then we can begin to grieve the loss of our loved one (apart from the suicide aspect of the death) and heal.  That's my theory anyway. 

I lost my son one year ago today (last night actually, but his d.o.d. was called on the 2nd).  I want to encourage you Bethany, it does get easier to bear it, as you develop your comforting and coping strategies, and your safety and support network.  Some days I'm not too sad at all now, but some days are are still hard for me.  Some of my comfort measures that have worked for me have been: gardening, reading about grief recovery, writing about my feelings, finding this group as well as others on Facebook, buying myself flowers, lighting candles, reaching out to someone when I need an extra measure of comfort, meeting that person for a coffee or lunch.  Surrounding myself with people who understand and support my experience.  Lately I have become more involved with suicide prevention efforts. 

You will find the things that help you to survive your pain.  I also attend a Survivors Of Suicide grief recovery group.  I hope you can locate one in your area and try it out.  Take good care and be gentle with yourself.  Losing a loved one to suicide results in a very complex grief process, so be aggressive about getting all the help and resources you're going to need.

Theresa

Hope everyone was able to enjoy Mother's Day.

I'm happy to announce that I'm moving into a new place to live. A home with lots of windows, a view of the ocean, a yard and a swimming pool. I would like to extend an invitation to all you to visit me in Hawaii.
You are all very dear to my heart and I would love to provide a positive experience for each of you that have suffered so much because of your losses.
I hope to provide a place for suicide survivors in Honolulu to meet. Believe it or not, Hawaii averages 1 suicide every three days, unfortunately, too many are young people. Wish I could stop suicide from ever occurring. Since I can't really do that maybe I can help others heal from the devastation it causes
My email address is margopowell@yahoo.com. Aloha!

Hi Margo! I am happy for your move in such a beautiful home! You are such a blessing here and I just know you bless many people with your heart and wisdom. Best wishes to you Margo and God Bless you always. Aloha!   
 
Margo powell said:

Hope everyone was able to enjoy Mother's Day.

I'm happy to announce that I'm moving into a new place to live. A home with lots of windows, a view of the ocean, a yard and a swimming pool. I would like to extend an invitation to all you to visit me in Hawaii.
You are all very dear to my heart and I would love to provide a positive experience for each of you that have suffered so much because of your losses.
I hope to provide a place for suicide survivors in Honolulu to meet. Believe it or not, Hawaii averages 1 suicide every three days, unfortunately, too many are young people. Wish I could stop suicide from ever occurring. Since I can't really do that maybe I can help others heal from the devastation it causes
My email address is margopowell@yahoo.com. Aloha!

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