I lost my fiancee on Nov 7 this year. The pain I feel is absolutely unbearable. The situation surrounding his suicide I believe are my family and my fault. We have a beautiful daughter together she is only 19 months old and he adored her. He had a lot of issues but he loved her and I with everything he had. I love him more than I thought I could. Some times I can't breathe because I kiss him so much. Everyone wants me to go to counseling. I just don't want to. I keep praying to God that he will undo this. And allow me the chance to fix everything that was done. I need him so badly. I know my family kisses him and are going through their own pain but I just don't know how to go on. Everything we had planned everything we had talked about just a day before is gone. The only thing that gets me through is the belief that God will answer my prayers and one day I will wake up and he will still be alive and I have a chance to make it right. I have to keep it together for me daughter but all I want to do is stop just stop everything. Everyones world kept going but in froze the minute he pulled that trigger. Ad I know he was so scared and alone. I know he didn't want to die, I know he wanted to live and watch out daughter grow and have a life with me but he was so afraid. He had developed an opoid addiction and stole over 4000 dollars in jewelry from my mom, my dad made me call the police and told my fiancee he had to leave the house. My father was so mad and my mom so disappeared. My fiancee was so afraid of going to jail but we were trying to get court order rehab instead. But the lawyers he spoke to kept scaring him saying he would do 5-10 years. The detective also was horrible. And was so two faced trying to charge him with so much more. But my fiance was so scared of being away from us and how he lost is family. But he hadn't! Instead of turning himself in he found a gun at the house he was living at and ended it. I just need to tell him he isn't alone, it won't be bad I am going no where and will never leave him. My dad and mom even miss him terrible, they thought they were doing the right thing. I can't let him go. 6 years of speaking to him every day and I feel like I'm having withdrawals. Please God hear our prayers please.

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