It has almost been 3 months since my sister took her own life to end her battle  w drug and alcohol addiction. I have been so overwhelmed in the past few weeks, I am finding it hard to even get out of bed.  I want to reach out for help, but I'm not sure about a grief support group.  Does anyone have advise about what kind to attend.?  I want to go to one led by someone,

I can't seem to stop the "what-ifs" and if-onlys.  I know there is nothing I could have done.  I had done everything I could to do to help her.  My mind in still haunted by the image of her lying in a pool of blood after cutting her wrist.  She was found by a dumpster in the middle of the day.

Again, I go back to ... if only she would have called.  No note, no indication that she was that desperate.  The dectective was very nice who called to let us know she was found.

I just need to work out all these feelings.  She was so smart, had two small children, a wonderful husband.  She had a PhD in physics and chemistry, she was really a rocket scientist. !! How can this all go so terrible wrong.  ???

Then do I need to mention that all my friends are gone.  I guess afraid to talk to me, or reach out , not sure , but the "suicide" stigma makes me feel very uncomfortable.  Nobody wants to talk about it.  I just feel so sad that I can't talk to her one more time.  Tell her it will get better, just hang in there.  Nothing is so bad to end your life over.  you can always start over.  Why, Why, Why. 

When /if ever will I be able to stop crying.  My husband thinks I should just get over it.  It just

won't go away!!

 

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Replies to This Discussion

Allison, I lost my brother a month ago tomorrow. I understand what your feeling. Having lost two other siblings to natural causes. I know that the lost of a loved one by suicide is different, your full with total despair, numbness and disbelief.

I know what you mean about not wanting to get out of bed. But I pull myself out every day. I usually end up researching Survivors of Suicide and reading about it and trying to understand it all. I also keep returning to his Obituary, that's how I came across your post.

I don't think we'll just get over it. I think its going to be a long process. I plan on attending a Surviviors or Suicide meeting tonight hoping it will help me to heal. I also have done a lot of research on the internet, and I realize, his intention was to end his pain not to cause us pain.

I hope this helps you a little.
Thanks Donna,
I hope your meeting went well. I want to do the same thing. I will be seeing my psych dr in the morning. So I hope to find a good Surviviors meeting. I'm just amazed with the overwhelming feelings that keep flooding my mind. I hope the doctor can help too. I just need to sort out some of the anger i have about all the pain this has caused the family and will continue to cause for her kids. I feel like she just gave up and didn't think about how bad this would affect each and everyone of us. I'm just out of words. Tears seem to flow all to easy, lots of things are triggering the tears. I;m so sad,
I went to the meeting, it was ok. I'm going to seek one on one theorpy. Today was my birthday, and I cried all day. If it was up to me I would have spent the day in bed.

I'm sad too, I just want him back. I didn't see it coming, I knew he was upset about his girlfriend and some other issues. My brother was in NA and had been clean for 10 months 3 days, however, he started to work out and we found out he was using steriods which most like contributed to his actions. As we look back at the past month, we realize he was getting things in order. He did leave us a note, which I do find some comfort in. I can feel his pain, and he apologies for our pain. I mentioned eariler we lost two brothers so he knew we would be hurting.



I wish you well, I know I don't think I'll ever fully recover from this. Good days and bad days.
Allyson Gentle thoughts to you I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you loss your sister in death and losing a loved one is never easy; I know that from personal experience however I will never know just how sad you must feel because no two people grieve in precisely the same way I pray that your faith will create inner peace. Remember, "God is our refuge and strength" (Psalm 46:1).I am praying for you and may the memories of all the good times you spent with your sister be a source of comfort.
Alyson-My son commited suicide Oct. 5 this year. I dont know why, my husband is kindof reacting the same way as yours. Maybe its just their way of dealing with things. I dont know. I had no idea my son was that bad off, like your sister.
I have a sister who is a drug addict and most of the time is homeless, she steals from everyone so everybody is afraid to let her stay with them. I fear that some day they will find her somewhere.
Sounds like your sister was smart and had it going on.
As far as it getting better-I am asking myself that question. I dont know, everyday is a struggle. As for your friends-call them and say -hey can I talk to you? They probably dont know what to say, so you make the first step and tell them that you need them.
I dont know if I helped you any. I need help myself, prayer is not working, antidepressants are helping. I am more confused now than I was before.
Sharon
Unfortunately it is true about friends and those closest to you avoiding the subject and distancing themselves. If you dont get the support you need at home with friends and family I strongly recommend a bereavement group or therapist. You need to talk about this and be able to grieve on your terms.
Im afraid not many leave notes, and we have all gone thru the same gamut of emotions you are now. How do you make sense of the uncomprehendable?? The only thing that makes any sense is they were not themselves. Something was so irrevocably broken. Depression is usually a very silent disease and as horrible as any cancer. You will stop crying with help. I saw my doctor when I couldnt stop. Be gentle with you and do only as much as you can handle for the moment. I see this reply comes late but if you do come back I hope it helps.
Sue
Hi Sue,
I just wanted to thank you for your response to my post. It has now been almost 5 months and things are getting a little easier. However, there are days when I just can't get her out of my mind. Or I meet more than one person with her name, Jeanette, or meet someone who knew her. (She lived in St Louis, I live in CA.) Just weird things that keep bringing me back to thinking what if, or I should have.
I am working with a therapist and I do know that her depression as well as addiction took her to a place that was beyond help. She would not have done that if she was well. The holidays will be a challenge, but I know it will be ok.
I have learned a lot from this site, and I really appreciate all the support that I have been given.
Thanks for the advise, I am glad that I do have someplace I can share my thoughts and feelings.

Thats good Alyson, and I dont want to freak you out ...but my middle name is Jeanette...lol sorry. You know its funny but I actually take these things as signs. I have had many of those. My brothers name was Steve and long story short at my weakest lowest point in my grief, I met a man named Steve who I feel was sent to me by my brother(too many reasons to mention here) but we have remained good friends to this day exactly 8 years later and its more than coincidence I believe. Im glad you are breathing easier and its not like you just get over it, you only somehow learn to live with it. Sorry about your sister.
Sue


Allyson said:
Hi Sue,
I just wanted to thank you for your response to my post. It has now been almost 5 months and things are getting a little easier. However, there are days when I just can't get her out of my mind. Or I meet more than one person with her name, Jeanette, or meet someone who knew her. (She lived in St Louis, I live in CA.) Just weird things that keep bringing me back to thinking what if, or I should have.
I am working with a therapist and I do know that her depression as well as addiction took her to a place that was beyond help. She would not have done that if she was well. The holidays will be a challenge, but I know it will be ok.
I have learned a lot from this site, and I really appreciate all the support that I have been given.
Thanks for the advise, I am glad that I do have someplace I can share my thoughts and feelings.
Of course it is!! I too take those as signs from my sister. Or higher power or what ever you want to call it. Thanks for making me laugh/cry at the same time. Im in super busy so I have to run, but we can chat later!

SUE said:

Thats good Alyson, and I dont want to freak you out ...but my middle name is Jeanette...lol sorry. You know its funny but I actually take these things as signs. I have had many of those. My brothers name was Steve and long story short at my weakest lowest point in my grief, I met a man named Steve who I feel was sent to me by my brother(too many reasons to mention here) but we have remained good friends to this day exactly 8 years later and its more than coincidence I believe. Im glad you are breathing easier and its not like you just get over it, you only somehow learn to live with it. Sorry about your sister.
Sue


Allyson said:
Hi Sue,
I just wanted to thank you for your response to my post. It has now been almost 5 months and things are getting a little easier. However, there are days when I just can't get her out of my mind. Or I meet more than one person with her name, Jeanette, or meet someone who knew her. (She lived in St Louis, I live in CA.) Just weird things that keep bringing me back to thinking what if, or I should have.
I am working with a therapist and I do know that her depression as well as addiction took her to a place that was beyond help. She would not have done that if she was well. The holidays will be a challenge, but I know it will be ok.
I have learned a lot from this site, and I really appreciate all the support that I have been given.
Thanks for the advise, I am glad that I do have someplace I can share my thoughts and feelings.
Of course it is!! I too take those as signs from my sister. Or higher power or what ever you want to call it. Thanks for making me laugh/cry at the same time. Im in super busy so I have to run, but we can chat later!

SUE said:

Thats good Alyson, and I dont want to freak you out ...but my middle name is Jeanette...lol sorry. You know its funny but I actually take these things as signs. I have had many of those. My brothers name was Steve and long story short at my weakest lowest point in my grief, I met a man named Steve who I feel was sent to me by my brother(too many reasons to mention here) but we have remained good friends to this day exactly 8 years later and its more than coincidence I believe. Im glad you are breathing easier and its not like you just get over it, you only somehow learn to live with it. Sorry about your sister.
Sue


Allyson said:
Hi Sue,
I just wanted to thank you for your response to my post. It has now been almost 5 months and things are getting a little easier. However, there are days when I just can't get her out of my mind. Or I meet more than one person with her name, Jeanette, or meet someone who knew her. (She lived in St Louis, I live in CA.) Just weird things that keep bringing me back to thinking what if, or I should have.
I am working with a therapist and I do know that her depression as well as addiction took her to a place that was beyond help. She would not have done that if she was well. The holidays will be a challenge, but I know it will be ok.
I have learned a lot from this site, and I really appreciate all the support that I have been given.
Thanks for the advise, I am glad that I do have someplace I can share my thoughts and feelings.

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