this morning I ordered my brothers Urn.........this has been an excruciating day to say the least. I NEVER EVER thought Id be ordering an urn for the man I considered to be my first child. My 32 year old baby brother shot himself 2 weeks ago. He suffered from depression. He left behind an 8 yr old son. How do you get thru the day when all you can do is think of conversations you had with him, wished youd had, all of the memories. How do I stop feeling like there must have been something else I could have done? I barely sleep and when I do Im dreaming of him in my dreams and I keep trying to get close enough to grab him and I cant. Its so heartbreaking. What do I do? Im at a loss as what to do or how to get thru this. How do I help his son? how do I help my parents? my children?

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I have walked in your shoes because of my sisters choice to end her life.  It has been a little over 8 mos since she has been gone.  I was in a slow placed fog for the first month.  I can say that I have found a lot of similar stories on this site.  Somehow that eases some of my pain knowing that there was nothing I could have said, done, did do, or could have said that would have changed what happened.  I too could not sleep, had and have dreams and still think of her often but I have found that I have become a different person.  I take more time to nurture my myself, my child, mother, and husband.  I take time to smell the roses.  I tell the people around me that I love them.  I know that does not help you today, but what I am trying to say, is that you are right were you are suppose to be.  You have found a site you can say what you are feeling, and that is important.  Not everyone will understand, but here, someone will.   Do as much research as you can about suicide that will help too.  Be good to yourself, see movies, keep yourself occupied, find humor in the world, and you will get through this.  keep talking to your loved ones.  And try to remember everyone grieves in their own way.

 

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss I have lost one sister and losing a loved one is never easy; I know that from personal experience and I pray that your faith will create inner peace Until the dark times start to fade draw close to God in prayer, and he will draw close to you.” (James 4:8) I hope, from my heart, that your pain will decrease, and that God will send his blessings to you and your family

 

 

(((((((((((hug)))))))))))) I am so sorry, I have lost my baby brother too!!! I am on four months today since the day he killed himself. I wanted to share with you what helped me in those first... hell on earth weeks... that you are in.

First, you have to try to take care of you first and foremost one breath at a time. A warm cup of coffee, sun on my face, cool breeze through my hair. Hot baths with espom salts a fleece robe or blanket, plenty of nice snot rags...lol. Go directly to the bookstore and buy every book about the topic.

There is a book out called Heaven is for real...its yellow and it is about a young baby boy about 3 who died on the operating table and went to heaven and returned to tell the story.

I went to get medication to get me through and it really took the edge of an anti-deppresant called celestia or something of the sort and Tylenol pm which helped me sleep.

You have to remember like on an airplane, you have to first put on your own oxygen mask before you can help anyone else.

All you can do is be honest and loving to all of the family, you are in the midst of a personal tsunami...when the smoke clears if you want a friend... I am here heather_strout@cox.net

I am so sorry and I really do know what your going through...I wish you some peace in this. Take care, heather


Thankyou to all who have given their kind words................Heather, thankyou for giving some advice on how to help myself get thru this. You have a good heart and good advice. Thankyou for extending your friendship.

As far as the book you suggested, I have a 3 year old little boy, I dont know if I can bare reading about a 3 yr old dying.......

I picked up one of the chicken soup for the soul books though, on grieving and surviving.........lots of short stories on "signs" from the other side and how people made it thru. Its not exactly the kind of book I was hoping for though. Ill continue to look for others.

Does anyone have any other book suggestions?

 

Thankyou in advance to everyone who helps and supposrts everyone here!

(((((HUGS)))))  
Heather J. Crawford-Strout said:

(((((((((((hug)))))))))))) I am so sorry, I have lost my baby brother too!!! I am on four months today since the day he killed himself. I wanted to share with you what helped me in those first... hell on earth weeks... that you are in.

First, you have to try to take care of you first and foremost one breath at a time. A warm cup of coffee, sun on my face, cool breeze through my hair. Hot baths with espom salts a fleece robe or blanket, plenty of nice snot rags...lol. Go directly to the bookstore and buy every book about the topic.

There is a book out called Heaven is for real...its yellow and it is about a young baby boy about 3 who died on the operating table and went to heaven and returned to tell the story.

I went to get medication to get me through and it really took the edge of an anti-deppresant called celestia or something of the sort and Tylenol pm which helped me sleep.

You have to remember like on an airplane, you have to first put on your own oxygen mask before you can help anyone else.

All you can do is be honest and loving to all of the family, you are in the midst of a personal tsunami...when the smoke clears if you want a friend... I am here heather_strout@cox.net

I am so sorry and I really do know what your going through...I wish you some peace in this. Take care, heather

Im very sorry C Ross.  I lost my only brother too. I also picked out the Urn, the clothes, the funeral home. My brother 2 years younger and I sometimes more mother than sister. When he needed a place to stay it was my place, home for christmas meant my home. Anyway, that was a long time ago. I was a mess. Lost all strength,lost myself. Realizing I needed help I saw my doctor, I learned to use the computer just to get some answers and my very first search was survivors for suicide...and so my journey began. If I can help in anyway please let me know. You will get thru this I promise. Take time for you too, its not selfish its necessary. As the lone surviving sibling I tried to step in to fill the void,(for lack of a better term) just try not to take on more than you can handle especially in the beginning.

((hugs)) from one sister to another

C Ross said:


Thankyou to all who have given their kind words................Heather, thankyou for giving some advice on how to help myself get thru this. You have a good heart and good advice. Thankyou for extending your friendship.

As far as the book you suggested, I have a 3 year old little boy, I dont know if I can bare reading about a 3 yr old dying.......

I picked up one of the chicken soup for the soul books though, on grieving and surviving.........lots of short stories on "signs" from the other side and how people made it thru. Its not exactly the kind of book I was hoping for though. Ill continue to look for others.

Does anyone have any other book suggestions?

 

Thankyou in advance to everyone who helps and supposrts everyone here!

(((((HUGS)))))  
Heather J. Crawford-Strout said:

(((((((((((hug)))))))))))) I am so sorry, I have lost my baby brother too!!! I am on four months today since the day he killed himself. I wanted to share with you what helped me in those first... hell on earth weeks... that you are in.

First, you have to try to take care of you first and foremost one breath at a time. A warm cup of coffee, sun on my face, cool breeze through my hair. Hot baths with espom salts a fleece robe or blanket, plenty of nice snot rags...lol. Go directly to the bookstore and buy every book about the topic.

There is a book out called Heaven is for real...its yellow and it is about a young baby boy about 3 who died on the operating table and went to heaven and returned to tell the story.

I went to get medication to get me through and it really took the edge of an anti-deppresant called celestia or something of the sort and Tylenol pm which helped me sleep.

You have to remember like on an airplane, you have to first put on your own oxygen mask before you can help anyone else.

All you can do is be honest and loving to all of the family, you are in the midst of a personal tsunami...when the smoke clears if you want a friend... I am here heather_strout@cox.net

I am so sorry and I really do know what your going through...I wish you some peace in this. Take care, heather

I am very sorry for your loss, its very hard a pain that is different from all othes.  This pain is there forever.  I too ordered my brothers urn yesterday and I cried so much, sadly that set the tone for the rest of my day.  If only you and I could have made a difference?  The questions that haunt you haunt me too.  I am seeking therapy and I go to a suicide survior gruop.  I just started, so I don't know if it will work, but at least the others know exactly what I am going through.  Its hard to be strong and face yet another day.  I too see ,my brother everywhere.  I posted my story, feel free to read it.

You are not alone.

I am very sorry for your loss, its very hard a pain that is different from all othes.  This pain is there forever.  I too ordered my brothers urn yesterday and I cried so much, sadly that set the tone for the rest of my day.  If only you and I could have made a difference?  The questions that haunt you haunt me too.  I am seeking therapy and I go to a suicide survior gruop.  I just started, so I don't know if it will work, but at least the others know exactly what I am going through.  Its hard to be strong and face yet another day.  I too see ,my brother everywhere.  I posted my story, feel free to read it.

You are not alone.

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