my son's suicide

Can someone tell me when the pain gets easier? It has only been a little more than a month since my son committed suicide and I have so many moments where I just break down crying. I miss him so much. I still have no contact with the person that he was with for over 14 yr.. I still can't get over the fact that she was there and I think she prompted him. I am a Christian and am having a hard time letting go of my questions. Blessings, Jackie

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Permalink Reply by marianne lakey on February 10, 2011 at 1:49pm

I dont know if it gets any easier. all i know is that as every day that goes by some are good and some are just are. It has Been 1yr and 3 weeks since i lost my boyfriend. you are on a good track asking for help in the right place. this place will help you. it has helped me. I pray every day that the Lord would take some of the pain away so i could get through that day then the next. i am now dating again and it is hard my boyfriend now is very understanding. but some days it is real hard.U should have a flood of help from here. it is the right place for questions and u might come closer to the answers. I will keep u in my daily prayers.

Permalink Reply by eileen ferguson on February 10, 2011 at 5:35pm

Jackie, I hear your cries. I have them. I have for seven years now. Guess what, they dont, they just get easier but they dont stop. Like a knot in my throat when im out somewhere, a familar place, somewhere he liked to, a eating spaghetti place, some clothing style, they gently start, quietly, and they disappear. I hold my composure, sob silently and Im done until the next time, where, where? I dont know. a week, two weeks, three a couple month, but it quietly comes. Ill feel that sadness. Sometimes I find myself saying, to myself, WHY, WHY. I did all I could for him and now, and them, WHY. and it too goes away and Im ok. then. We will always have our children with us. Always. But it will get better, and better, with time. I miss my boy terribly. but thats the way it is. I keep busy, involved, and the little years roll by. So, Im being honest Jakie. So hang in there. I truly understand. God be With you. and wear a smile on your heart, itll help.

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Rowles on February 11, 2011 at 7:02am

Thank you so much Eileen for taking the time to answer me. Everyone has been so nice. I don't know how I would be without my God in my life.And also I have a wonderful husband. For awhile I have had custody of 3 of my grandchildren(not Chuck's) and having them around keeps me busy and I am grateful for that. Thanks again. Love Jackie

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Rowles on February 11, 2011 at 7:09am

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer. Your reply has helped me a lot. I am a born again CHristian and I don't w ant to hate anyone but it is so hard with so many questions unanswered
YOu know exactly how I feel. I find out from my daughter that "she" is going out tonight to celebrate her birthday and asked my daughter to keep their son overnight. Valentines day was their anniversary, even though they weren't married Chuck used to take her out. It hurts so bad. But I will get thru it by the grace of God and my friends and this site. Blessings to all. LOve Jackie
Elizabeth said:

Dear Jackie,

It has only been a little more than a month since your son took his life. Of course you need to cry, the most horrible thing on this earth is a mother losing her child. Of course you miss him, he was in so much pain just like my only neice who committed suicide and has left me with questions about her boyfriend who was living with her & was there when she died. He told the police that they had an argument that prompted her to kill herself. He refuses to talk to me, I've made many attempts & I know he is a liar and was abusive with my only neice. She lost her mom (my sister) at the age of 12. He has his parents to hide behind who fiercely protect him from me. So it's a roadblock. And I have alot of anger towards him & his parents. So I know how you feel about having no contact with the person that your son was with for 14 yrs. I know that my neice's boyfriend pushed her over the edge. I miss her everyday & night . Please know that I am here for you & I am so sorry for the tragedy of losing your son. Sincerely, Elizabeth

Permalink Reply by Cozette on February 11, 2011 at 9:17am

What do you mean by prompted??

Permalink Reply by Sue Hales on February 12, 2011 at 10:01pm

Jackie, I understand your pain. It is so fresh at this time. It has been almost 2 years since my son committed suicide. For such a long time I was sad all the time but now I have sad minutes or hours but hardly ever sad days. I found that writing in a journal helped me. I wrote exactly how I felt and no one knows what I wrote nor do I want them to. That was for my release. There were times when I was by myself that I would just scream just as loud as I could. I know it sounds silly but I needed to vent. I also have a wonderful sister-in-law who helped me just by listening and crying with me. I have always had a strong faith but I questioned so much after my son died. I still question sometime and I do not think that this is uncommon. I believe that God understands - he also lost a son. Just try to keep busy and find something that you truly care about and God will see you through this. I am so sorry for your loss. No parent should have to lose a child no matter what the age (my son was 47). They are still you child no matter what. I pray for peace for you. Sue

Permalink Reply by Carrie L on February 13, 2011 at 1:54pm

Hello I am so sorry for you r loss. the pain is unberable and the guilt just as unberable. But there is us now the new us. The new definition. not one we like one we got. please be ok as i will try to be it is very hard to ba ok now. every thought is of his accident. what i could have done to prevent it warning him. i am still trying to bargain it.. it is so. it is sad. unfortunate. never to be the same. carrie L

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Rowles on February 13, 2011 at 6:59pm

thank you Sue for taking the time to answer me. I have so many friends that tell me all the time that I can call them at any hour of the day or night. I agree that God understands. He knows all. He loves us so much. Thanks again. Love Jackie

Sue Hales said:

Jackie, I understand your pain. It is so fresh at this time. It has been almost 2 years since my son committed suicide. For such a long time I was sad all the time but now I have sad minutes or hours but hardly ever sad days. I found that writing in a journal helped me. I wrote exactly how I felt and no one knows what I wrote nor do I want them to. That was for my release. There were times when I was by myself that I would just scream just as loud as I could. I know it sounds silly but I needed to vent. I also have a wonderful sister-in-law who helped me just by listening and crying with me. I have always had a strong faith but I questioned so much after my son died. I still question sometime and I do not think that this is uncommon. I believe that God understands - he also lost a son. Just try to keep busy and find something that you truly care about and God will see you through this. I am so sorry for your loss. No parent should have to lose a child no matter what the age (my son was 47). They are still you child no matter what. I pray for peace for you. Sue

Permalink Reply by Shari Soklow on February 13, 2011 at 10:05pm

I hear and feel the sadness and torment around me and its in every pore of my soul!

I feel rage so strongly and deeply to the ones involved who let this happen!

My son shot himself to death three days after this past Christmas and now I will

forever live out my life alone!

Permalink Reply by Shari Soklow on February 13, 2011 at 10:07pm

It's worth dying just to get away from the monsters who only see only dollar signs in front of their eyes!

The women who financially protect themselves and watch and wait never revealing that a man's life

could be at stake!

Forgive me for ranting like a madwomen but I can't believe there is such cruelty in this world!

Permalink Reply by Shari Soklow on February 13, 2011 at 10:10pm

I'm suffering beyond belief and some rotten women just kicked me when I am so down!

They stick pins in your eyes rather than show a drop of compassion. I keep wishing for

Justice for not only my son but myself!

Shari Soklow said:

It's worth dying just to get away from the monsters who only see only dollar signs in front of their eyes!

The women who financially protect themselves and watch and wait never revealing that a man's life

could be at stake!
Forgive me for ranting like a madwomen but I can't believe there is such cruelty in this world!

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Rowles on February 14, 2011 at 3:53am

Shari, I am so sorry that you are in such pain and agony. What happened when you say some rotten women kicked you while you were down? My son committed suicide 3 days before Christmas 2010. He was only 37. Thi is the place where you will find compassion and love . DO you have any close friends? I am so blessed that I have a few . I will pray for you. Love Jackie
Shari Soklow said:

I'm suffering beyond belief and some rotten women just kicked me when I am so down!

They stick pins in your eyes rather than show a drop of compassion. I keep wishing for

Justice for not only my son but myself!

Shari Soklow said:

It's worth dying just to get away from the monsters who only see only dollar signs in front of their eyes!

The women who financially protect themselves and watch and wait never revealing that a man's life

could be at stake!
Forgive me for ranting like a madwomen but I can't believe there is such cruelty in this world!