My name is Jacqueline. I am 66  yr. old . My wonderful son Chuck committed suicide on Dec. 22. He was 36 yr. old. He was  in a relationship with the mother of his 3 children for 14 yr. and sometime back in the summer he believed that she was cheating on him. Their relationship was rocky to say the least.  She was with him in their home when this occured and I have heard 4 or 5 different versions of what happened. The police called me one time and I still don't have any paper work on anything. There are so many questions.  I called him that morning around 9 am I told him I loved him and he said he loved me and at 4 pm I received a call from my grandson by him, age 11 that CHuck had shot  himself in the head. I can't  get over the thought that she edged him on.

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Gerard there is hope for you. God loves you so much.  I know the feeling of hurt. Some days it is worse than others especially rainy sad days such as today. I am so thankful for this site and for the many people that care. It has  been a blessing.  Do you have anyone  family wise that you can turn to? I am very blessed that I have a foster daughter that is extremely close to me and also 2 sister in laws that I can turn to anytime. I call them when I am terribly   depressed. Blessings Jackie

gerard said:

this is gerard tims dad that passed away on labor day 2009 he hung  himself thank you so much shari for the poem i am so lost and well f>?>??>?>? in my head to be honest i see no hope for me at times but someone seems to say things i need to hear and it gets me by   for now i wish the best for everyone and wish i was not part of this group but thats life i guess i pray for all of you ladies and men this is where we are all equal in our sorrow here i go babling again sorry iam no quitter but sometimes it seems like in dont want to go on but the pain he caused in my heart i dont want to be the same to my family if you know what imean and io know you know my daughter is now pregnant i think its gods way of helping me bless everyone here thank you for sharing here  gerard 

That is a lovely as well as true poem and I want to say thankyou for sharing it with me, these past weeks have been really hard but the good thing is I retired at 52 and I can be at home mending instead of having to face a public everyday my husband is very understanding but he don understand why I continue to go through Andy cards and pictures but it makes me feel better I think the one thing were scare of is forgetting and we feel quilty that were going on with our lives, I live in Delaware and my family live in Michigan I really don't feel like going there without him being there but I have nine lovely grandchildren Three of them Andy's and I must go see them so again thanks for the poem it was very uplifting stay in touch I see your son passed weeks after mine , the holidays were just not good for me

Shari Soklow said:
Here is a poem I just wrote for my Beloved Son Howard, who shot himself to death on 12-28-2010.
I like all of you am heartbroken! We must all be very strong, courageous and most of all know in our hearts that by the Integrity of The God Of Our Hearts, we will and absolutely shall be reunited with
those we have loved and lost, when it is our turn to make the transition. I believe that there is unbroken
continuity, that life is forever and even though I suffer greatly as I know you all do as well, I have to
find some peace in that fact! God Bless Us All! Shari


Choose Life!


I wish I would have had the wisdom to realize what your plan was all along...

I wish I had not been so naive.

I wish I would have been clever enough Not to trust you.

I failed you and I will have to live with that...

For the rest of my life...

I wish I could have thought "The Unthinkable!"

I would have told you, begged you, pleaded with you, flayed myself, split myself, opened my heart and soul, I would have said these words to you;

Choose Life!

Choose Life Son Because death comes soon enough to all of us.

Choose Life Son Because you are loved more deeply than you will ever know.

Choose Life Son Because the broken hearts you leave behind will never heal.

Choose Life Son Because where there is life there is always hope.

Choose Life Son Because You have so much more to teach and to offer to others.

Choose Life Son Because you too have much more to learn in your precious lifetime.

Choose Life Son Because there are doctors and medications that can help you.

Choose Life Son Because in the last few moments of your consciousness you might feel regret and then it will be too late and can't be reversed.

Choose Life Son Because even an insect when caught fights to survive.

Choose Life Son Because there is always another way to look at situations, your father was not worth giving up your life to expose him, no matter how cruel he was to you.

Choose Life Son Because you are leaving your loved ones without saying good-by.

Choose Life Son Because your death was my death. This senseless act of desperation would in the final analysis only hurt you, me and Uncle.

These words I would have said to you, and hugged you so very tight that it would have been impossible for you to escape my love, my longing for you, My Precious, Beloved Son. ..to choose life. Had I only known, others knew but chose not to tell me, If only I was wiser, If only I could think "The Unthinkable!" I would have moved Heaven & Earth, my son, I would have seen to it that you my Precious, Beloved Son chose Life!
Dear Jacqueline,

How are you doing? I was waiting to hear from you. Are you taking care of yourself dear?
I send you all my prayers and good wishes that God give you Peace!
You know Jacqueline, we are both in the same boat, so to speak.
I lost my beloved son on 12-28-2010.
What can we do but go on, it is so hard for me as I also lost my beloved husband just three years before
I lost my son! I am all alone in this world!

Shari

My prayers and love go out to all, please know that!

 

Shari

Blessings, I appoligize. I thought I did get back to you.  I am trying to take care of myself. I have to keep going as I have custody of 3 of my other grandchildren that live with my husband and myself for the past 2 yr. Their ages are 14,12, and 8. I have a wonderful foster daughter that keeps in touch with me daily and encourages me  and my wonderful husband also is very thoughtful. Where do you live at? Would  you like to talk on the phone. I have free long distance. Let me know. Blessings Jackie

Shari Soklow said:
Dear Jacqueline,

How are you doing? I was waiting to hear from you. Are you taking care of yourself dear?
I send you all my prayers and good wishes that God give you Peace!
You know Jacqueline, we are both in the same boat, so to speak.
I lost my beloved son on 12-28-2010.
What can we do but go on, it is so hard for me as I also lost my beloved husband just three years before
I lost my son! I am all alone in this world!

Shari

My son committed suicide March 9 2011 his funeral was today. Now what? I don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry for each of us that are here.  My 17 year old son took his life May 15, 2010 and it's been the hardest thing I hope to ever endure.  After 10 months, I honestly do not think I am any better than that night when I found him.  Elizabeth, all I can offer is to try to take care of yourself and take one day, hour, minute, second at a time.  Anything that will get you through.  Don't try to look too far down the road as it is too much to think we have to spend the rest of our lives without them. I have kept a journal and it helps me to put some things on paper that I wouldn't say outloud.  Please know I am keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. 
Here is my phone number if any one cares to speak with me!  1-424-204-5739   Shari

Dear Friends,

 

I do not think there is a time limit on grief! It hurts as long as it hurts!

Being with people who have loved and lost is better than being with

those who can't even understand what we are going through!

If one has never lost a son or daughter how can they possibly know

this kind of personal torment?   

(I get the feeling of snap out of it, it has been three months, or whatever!)

Not much compassion in this world!  

Shari

so sorry to hear my son of 29 took his life on sept 7 2009 my prayers are with you.i think of him every day and  you will have to be strong, talk with people i didnt and it was a mistake for me even though i cry every time i come on here but you guysand ladies are the ones that really know how i feel  nothing to do now but face tommorrow like everyone says one day or minute at a time there is nothing worse i can think of for us then having to be here thank you to everyone here and they will be here for you too elizabeth   Gerard

Elizabeth Young said:

My son committed suicide March 9 2011 his funeral was today. Now what? I don't know what to do.

Why does everyone keep telling me I held up really well during the funeral???
You have to be strong I lost my son Andy Dec. 10, 2010 weeks before christmas he left after calling me and saying good bye If only I had recognized that he was having problems and when it happened I lived 700 miles away you can't imagine how I felt my husband drove all night to get me there, when I got there all I could say is what can I do I had to be strong for my daughter in law, my grandchildren, and my other three children so all I can say is stay strong and pray. My Andy shot himself in the chest and the hard part for me is the manner in which he died, I understand we all must one day pass on it just hurt me to my heart that he would shot himself so all I can say is pray and stay strong  the pain will never go away but it will become tolerable......................I hope you have other children to help you thru this.

Elizabeth Young said:

My son committed suicide March 9 2011 his funeral was today. Now what? I don't know what to do.

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