Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Theresa Sweaney on October 26, 2012 at 2:48pm

I hear you.  I'm still in a lot of pain and it has been 1-1/2 years since my son died.  It varies by individual, but generally count on it taking a good two years before you find your new normal.  This is what I am learning by observation and by asking a lot of questions of those who are further along than we are.  It has not been very long since you lost your life partner.  You are still in crisis.

In some ways our grieving (yours and mine) is different, because you lost a partner.  For you there are identity issues that you are forced to reconcile with that complicate your grief process.  I imagine two pieces of paper glued together into one, and the paper gets torn right down the middle, leaving you to feel like half of you is missing.

Are you on any other grief support sites?  In my Facebook search for support groups I have come across one or two that seemed more specific to those who lost life partners, and I could recommend them to you if you think talking with some others who share your experience may help you.  If so, I'd be really glad to be able to share them with you.  As you already know (from losing someone to suicide)--but I will remind you again--you really must take depression and/or being in crisis seriously and seek out all the supports you can to gain strength, and hope.  Take good care, and be aggressive about surrounding yourself with support.

Hugs,

Theresa

Permalink Reply by Margo powell on October 26, 2012 at 11:43pm

Brenda, It saddens me to hear how you are struggling. I wish I had some earth shattering insights to share with you but unfortunately, I don't. What I can share with you is that I experienced an excruciatingly similar experience as you have just expressed. Every minute seemed to drag on for hours.
I hated my life and the difficulties I was facing. I suffered so many tragic losses I could hardly breathe, at times. My heart ached, not only was the emotional pain eating me up but the physical pain was also very real from my aching heart. My advice is to do what I did. When you are suffering, cry out to God!
He loves you, He knows you and He knows every aspect of the trials and loss you are experiencing!
Eventually, your pain will subside to a point where it will not be so unbearable. faith will replace many of the unanswerable questions you have. You will make it through. There are many of us that really do care about your healing. Ask God for the peace that only he can provide! Pray with your children many times a day! Sing songs of faith and love. I have great faith in you! Life is a beautiful gift, please look at all the good things you have been blessed with, and especially your children. I hope this helps a bit.
Please stay strong! Even though you're falling part inside, do whatever you can to provide a happy front for your children. They need to have a safe, secure atmosphere for their emotional development. Try to protect them from the deep grief and sadness you are experiencing since they have not developed emotionally and intellectually enough to really understand everything. Teach them about Heaven, it may satisfy their "need to know". It will help them develop a sense of hope even when things go wrong.

Permalink Reply by Frank Andrews on October 28, 2012 at 1:44am

Brenda,

  You will get better!  You have to get professional help if you get clinically depressed over the loss of your beloved.  Seek help and do not try to get through this on your own.  We all need help after losing a beloved spouse.  I have trouble with my religious faith after all that has happened in my case but others find comfort in religious beliefs.  Try to remember that children are the one important thing to be treasured in your life and you must do your best for them.  Hugs to you when you are feeling so down and alone,

                                 Frank

Permalink Reply by brenda ortiz on October 28, 2012 at 9:26am

THANK YOU EVERYONE! I just cant believe this is how my life is!!!!!! I do see a nurse and a therapist which my family thinks will help, but its been a year and u know what?????? NOTHING IN THIS WORLD CAN MAKE ME FEEL BEETER! NOT EVEN FOR A MOMENT!!!!!!! I am still processing everything that i went through and everything that i am going to go through! But I just wish for all this to be over!!!! I pray for God to take me and my kids!!!! This is a horrible life even if my kids are tooo young to understand the situation, but in time they will also have to face the facts!!!! And they are not pretty! I never knew true saddness until OCTOBER 4 2011! And i never wanted to die like I do now! But I will never leave my kids so,, thats another challenge I face,, wanting to die but here for my kids cause I HAVE NO CHOICE! INSIDE I AM SOOOOOOOO fuc------------- up!!! all these crazxy thoughts and feelings that my therapist says arent normal BUT normal for my situation!!! ??????????? THank u guys for talking to me!!!!! because I must say for a quick second I read others story and realize mine isnt soo bad,,,, but i think i just tell myself that !!!!!!!!!!because it is just the same as everyone elses on here!!!! WE ALL LOST SOMEONE WHO MEANT MORE THAN OURSELVES!!!!!