Hi, I'm desperately looking for someone to talk to. My son Bobby commited suicide on Oct. 5, 2010. He did not leave a note or anything. He had called his friends mom 3 times and she never called the police and by then it was too late. I live a good distance away and had not talked to him at all that day. We had talked everyday up until the day of. I tried to call, but I assumed he was working because he had been working alot of overtime and on second shift. I had no idea what was on his mind. But I keep blaming her because she knew what he was trying to do and did nothing to try and stop him. This has to be normal. I find myself lost and confused alot of the time and it is hard to keep my job, I dont know if I am losing my mind or what. Someone please tell me this is normal.

Sharon

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My sister died by suicide so my mom said she understands what you are going through
I have 2 daughters and a 14 yr old granddaughter and everyone is so sad. All I do is cry and I cry in my sleep. I can only imagine what they are going through. He has no idea what he has done to us. If life was so bad why didnt he tell me? I could have saved him.




Kevin Keith Langemeier said:
My sister died by suicide so my mom said she understands what you are going through
Sharon, I am truly sorrow for the loss of you beloved son. After reading your post I cannot do anything else before talking to you and tell you first of all - calm down, calm down. I know how painful it is to loose a son. Our love for them is so profound as they are part of us and we need time to go through grief in full. Inspite of all the pain, please, do not blame anyone - these negative feelings will not help the soul of your beloved one, neither it helps you. You must help him now - they need our help because now they cannot help themselves. How can we help from here? By sending to the souls of our beloved ones our Love and our Light - this has to be done incessantly. This is what I have been doing to help the soul of my beloved son. Only by receiving Love and Light it is possible for the souls in need to find their way on the path of spiritual growth. They must receive all the good we can send to them. Sharon, my dear, if there is something i want to do the most in my life nowadays is to serve, to help others who need help as I do, too and for doing so I intend to give back all the help I am receiving. Let me know if you want to contact me and I tell you my e-mail address. For quite a while I am not taking part on these discussions. For some reason your post invited me to send you a reply.
God bless you, Sharon. Many Blessings and Peace in your heart. Love, amaryllis
Hi, dear Sharon, I am here close to you in my heart and in my prayer thoughts. I read again and again the words you wrote, i relate to you as I went through the same experience as you.
This is the way we feel as you say exactly as we are about to loose our mind - even to breath is difficult.
I would like to be able to bring to you the same kind of help I received at the moment I was lost in the midst of my desperation. Come to this site more often - you will feel the warmness of many kind hearts.
xxxxx amaryllis
Sharon, No you are not losing your mind. What you are feeling right now is how I felt when my daughter committed suicide on 4/19/10. The what ifs or whys won't do anybody any good...but I know you will still wonder just as I do. My daughter did not leave a note either but it wasn't the first time that she tried. My family dealt with this for years..to blame somebody will not bring our loved ones back it just creates bitterness that does no one any good. It won't be an easy road but you have to remember the good times and the love that you have for your son. My daughter left behind a beautiful little girl who I know she loved more than anything--that is what keeps me going from day to day..you just have take it day by day moment by moment...don't let his memory go...don't be afraid to talk about him.
Sharon,
Im so sorry. You are in shock right now and I want you to know you are not alone ok. Being angry is Normal as is feeling confused lost and a whole host of other emotions. Deep breathes hun. If you can take a leave of absence do it. It is going to take you a great deal of time to process this. Many do not leave notes, which I also struggle with myself. None of us has the power to save someone unfortunately cause if we did we wouldnt be here. Those feelings of guilt are also normal. Keep reading and talking and communicating with others. I found other survivors to be my best source of comfort as they "get it" but a councellor or bereavement group or therapist could be valuable too. Im very sorry you have reason to be here but glad you found us.
((Hugs))
Sue
Sharon, how are things going today. You have to remember that he was in pain. He might of thought that it was the only way out. Out of his pain. May your son rest in peace now. You might never understand why he did it. But you need to stay strong for your kids and your grand daughter. They watch you to see how you are handling this loss. They say people that are really going to kill themselves don't tell any one. You really don't know what was going on in his head that day. But rest a sured that he's at peace now. I hope you talk to your daughters about your son.You need to talk as a family. Talk about all the good times. Just because he's out of sight, doesn't mean he out of mind. Tell your girls that it all right to talk about him. IT's ok to cry. I will pray for you and your familot Vicki
Sharon - I am so sorry for you and know what you are going through. My daughter committed suicide on March 22nd - and still I have not had a single day that I haven't cried anywhere from one hour to 8 hours...I have never felt pain like this in my entire life - I love her so much as you do your son. I can only say that I am still here and with the help from others on this site, I am trying to understand that she was in pain and thought this was the only way. I am medicated by my doctor and have never been one to do that sort of thing - but was sitting at my desk crying all day and could not function. At least, I can get through most of the day now - my daughter called her boyfriend for help - and when he didn't show up, I guess she decided there was no reason to go on. We all love her so much - but that was not her thought at that one moment in time - she wanted his help and it wasn't given. At least now I am trying to know that I will see her again some day and she will help me cross when my time is done - I look forward to that. You are completely normal - DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE IT THRU THE DAY - I used to text my daughter all the time - and I still do that - it goes to the blue nowhere but it is like I am filling her in on my day - I sleep with one of her shirts and spray it with her perfume - I have her pillow that she last laid on...and I don't think any of this is crazy - I will always love her and do what it takes to help me cope. You must do the same .
Thank you Lulu,
The pain never goes away, does it? The other night the TV showed a man shooting himself in the head flashed on the screen-I thought I was going to lose it. My husband could not touch me, there was no help for me at that moment. That picture is still imprinted in my mind. How do we go on living? My son's exgirlfriend wont let me see my Grandson. I have a lawyer and this is a slow process. What if he turns out like his Dad, I'm so scared that he is going to die too. The only family I have left are my 2 daughters and 4 Grandchildren (1 I cant see). My son called his best friends mom 3 times and she never came to him. Because I wrote that comment on FB -the world thinks im crazy. I just stated the facts. If she would have came to him he would still be here. If I sound angry -I am. He has only came to me in a dream to tell me it was possessed or disturbed (I cant remember)for the reason he died. Maybe it was both.
I'm sorry about your daughter. What are we supposed to be doing? I feel guilty if I laugh, I don't know what I am supposed to be doing. I have to work and Lord knows I wish I had money enough to stay home. I am just so sick that my Son did this to me and his kids. I have nothing of his, because his friends mom took everything, she tried to take my identity, by signing to identify his body. She got away with that. She put in the newspaper that she was his mom and they printed it in the obits. That woman has taken my son from me and she gets to see my grandson anytime she wants. Why am I being punished and called crazy? I dont go around claiming to be some other childs mom. Why didn't she perrish? Why my son?? Why, he was a wonderful person, she is evil.




LuLu said:
Sharon - I am so sorry for you and know what you are going through. My daughter committed suicide on March 22nd - and still I have not had a single day that I haven't cried anywhere from one hour to 8 hours...I have never felt pain like this in my entire life - I love her so much as you do your son. I can only say that I am still here and with the help from others on this site, I am trying to understand that she was in pain and thought this was the only way. I am medicated by my doctor and have never been one to do that sort of thing - but was sitting at my desk crying all day and could not function. At least, I can get through most of the day now - my daughter called her boyfriend for help - and when he didn't show up, I guess she decided there was no reason to go on. We all love her so much - but that was not her thought at that one moment in time - she wanted his help and it wasn't given. At least now I am trying to know that I will see her again some day and she will help me cross when my time is done - I look forward to that. You are completely normal - DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE IT THRU THE DAY - I used to text my daughter all the time - and I still do that - it goes to the blue nowhere but it is like I am filling her in on my day - I sleep with one of her shirts and spray it with her perfume - I have her pillow that she last laid on...and I don't think any of this is crazy - I will always love her and do what it takes to help me cope. You must do the same .
Thank you Lulu,
The pain never goes away, does it? The other night the TV showed a man shooting himself in the head flashed on the screen-I thought I was going to lose it. My husband could not touch me, there was no help for me at that moment. That picture is still imprinted in my mind. How do we go on living? My son's exgirlfriend wont let me see my Grandson. I have a lawyer and this is a slow process. What if he turns out like his Dad, I'm so scared that he is going to die too. The only family I have left are my 2 daughters and 4 Grandchildren (1 I cant see). My son called his best friends mom 3 times and she never came to him. Because I wrote that comment on FB -the world thinks im crazy. I just stated the facts. If she would have came to him he would still be here. If I sound angry -I am. He has only came to me in a dream to tell me it was possessed or disturbed (I cant remember)for the reason he died. Maybe it was both.
I'm sorry about your daughter. What are we supposed to be doing? I feel guilty if I laugh, I don't know what I am supposed to be doing. I have to work and Lord knows I wish I had money enough to stay home. I am just so sick that my Son did this to me and his kids. I have nothing of his, because his friends mom took everything, she tried to take my identity, by signing to identify his body. She got away with that. She put in the newspaper that she was his mom and they printed it in the obits. That woman has taken my son from me and she gets to see my grandson anytime she wants. Why am I being punished and called crazy? I dont go around claiming to be some other childs mom. Why didn't she perrish? Why my son?? Why, he was a wonderful person, she is evil.




LuLu said:
Sharon - I am so sorry for you and know what you are going through. My daughter committed suicide on March 22nd - and still I have not had a single day that I haven't cried anywhere from one hour to 8 hours...I have never felt pain like this in my entire life - I love her so much as you do your son. I can only say that I am still here and with the help from others on this site, I am trying to understand that she was in pain and thought this was the only way. I am medicated by my doctor and have never been one to do that sort of thing - but was sitting at my desk crying all day and could not function. At least, I can get through most of the day now - my daughter called her boyfriend for help - and when he didn't show up, I guess she decided there was no reason to go on. We all love her so much - but that was not her thought at that one moment in time - she wanted his help and it wasn't given. At least now I am trying to know that I will see her again some day and she will help me cross when my time is done - I look forward to that. You are completely normal - DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE IT THRU THE DAY - I used to text my daughter all the time - and I still do that - it goes to the blue nowhere but it is like I am filling her in on my day - I sleep with one of her shirts and spray it with her perfume - I have her pillow that she last laid on...and I don't think any of this is crazy - I will always love her and do what it takes to help me cope. You must do the same .

i also loss my son Frankie on 12-28-08 and it feels like it happed 2day the pain is unbearable the days are hurtfull and the nights r worse..my baby was 17yrs old, and he was my world. i understand when u say that u will never be the same again... am very sad and nothing seems great...why did my baby do this...whyyyyyyyyyy t
Sharon,

So sorry for you, I lost my son 2yrs ago to suicide, I sometimes still feel like Im loosing my mind, your not alone. Everyday feels dark and lonely your angry and you want to blame someone its all normal days and time move in slow motion you feel like no one understands. I wouldnt want anybody to have to understand this kind of pain, everyone will tell you dont blame yourself but you cant help yourself my son left a note and I still dont understand. Depression is an evil thing. You understand how he must have felt its a journey from hell. Please talk to family and friends for support you never forget or get over the loss you learn to live with a broken heart.

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