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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Why Go On?

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Unbearable emotional pain!

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Dead brothers roomate!

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Comment by Gary Williams on February 3, 2012 at 9:53pm

Haven't written in a while but I do read posts almost every day.  I have to thank all of the people here for helping me deal with the loss of my dearest Charlie. I know that people are spreading the word that this site exists and that it HELPS! My life is nowhere close to back together but I feel so much better some days. I still think of this beautiful young life being lost and all the great things he could have done. Again thank you all for writing and sharing your stories, I believe that God works through each of us and that He will provide us with comfort. God Bless all of you and again thank you!

Comment by Joyce M Rubacky on February 2, 2012 at 8:29am

Dear Joanna, when my parents died I suddenly realized my own mortality. Could this be what your daughters are going through? Also, do you think they are acting this way because they realize one day they are going to lose you too? May God bless.

Comment by Margo powell on February 1, 2012 at 9:00pm
Dear Joanna,

I've been reading the posts you have written. Theresa is right, that you are doing what works best for you to get past the devastation that your husband's loss caused in your life.
I went through a very difficult time following my ex husbands death which was followed by my brothers death 6 months later. I found my daughter and some family members to be very angry. They couldn't process the losses the way a more mature person might learn to cope.
Time will be your best friend. Understand what is going on with them and know that they often lash out or show indifference to you because they feel unable to find the answers they need to satisfy them. I decided I would be the one to pick my fights meaning when others wanted to attack me I chose to keep my mouth shut and remind myself that they just weren't capable of understanding!
None of us have the answers but what are the options? Continue to choose the options that will keep you in a healthy state of mind.
I wish you well and success moving forward. God Bless You, Margo
Comment by Theresa Sweaney on January 31, 2012 at 3:49pm

Dear Joanna, I see what you're saying.  I'm glad you are not isolating.  It tells me that you are indeed able to grow past your pain and loss.  If they truly understood, I think they would be happy about you not letting the loss you have suffered keep you stuck in a painful place and state of mind.  But we realize and understand that Every person has the right to grieve and get past their loss in the ways that work best for them as unique individuals.  I think I too would feel very indignant if my well-meaning family or friends tried to prevent that by being overbearing with me and not showing respect for my grieving process.  I can see that your boundaries are there for your well being, and I hope your older two children will come around as they gain more knowledge and insight.

Comment by Joanna Fuerst on January 31, 2012 at 1:03pm

Dear Theresa.. I wish I would feel that way about their reactins ...but I do not ..I do feel lots of rejection.. I feel it's because I dont and won't let them tell me how to run my life now that Daddy is gone.. They want me to do what only they feel is right.I am not only there Mother .I'm a person and I have feelings too. But they just feel I should stay home and mourn all the time, But at 1st they wanted me to get out because I was in a dark place for several months. I do my own praying , talkin and visiting his grave , But they think I should tell them ever turn I make .. Now that Ive learned to live the fact he's gone.I do go out.. now they say I go go go .... but I have nobody to answer too after 21 yrs , so I do get with my friends more then i use too , But being lonely is not what I want . So I need to move on and live my life for me and my youngest daughter..2 of them are grown, marries, with there own familes ... and have there own lives.. I don't buttt into there life , So why they tring to run my life? . Did they for get I raised them .

Comment by Theresa Sweaney on January 28, 2012 at 9:31pm

Joanna, I wonder if your daughters are stand-offish with you because being with you might remind them of their loss, and they want to distance themselves from the pain of their dad's death?  Maybe they are not rejecting you personally, but it is a self-preserving response at this point in time?

Comment by Jerica Guerra on January 26, 2012 at 7:48pm

Hi Joanna, i too felt angry, hurt, guilty, especially angry for not noticing it in him. I lost my lil Brother but i cannot compare it to yr pain for your husband. My brother was my heart and all. we're only a year apart so its like he was my twin. He just made 8 months yesterday. I was sad in the morning on my way to work, but then i thought i know he wants me to move on and live life! how can i when i just lost my partner in crime. :(  i pray everyday to give me stregth to live and love. because honestly i would of follow my brother. Joanna u have alot of support from your family as well as us in this forum. Its still hard for me after 8 month so i can imagine the first 2 months after his passing. Believe me its gets easier as time goes by. I didnt think it would but it does. Remember the good times u had with him and your daughters. Give time for your daughters to grieve in their own way but never, never give up on them. they will come back to u and talk to u but just give them time. rite now they have u to blame but they will realize it wasnt. Keep your head up for yourself and your children. i will pray for u and family. Take Care :)

Comment by Diane Hood on January 26, 2012 at 1:18pm
Hi Joann I'm sorry your having a bad day, I had a bad morning yesterday I woke up with my sweet son Andy on my mind crying and missing him bad but I have a recording of his voice and I get some peace when I listen to it. I have his ashes on my mantle and I talk to him everyday. He did call me and say he loved me before he shot himself believe me it don't make it any better, well just pray that God gives you some peace. And I'll keep you in my prayers how are your daughters doing? Hope their well...........God Bless
Comment by Joanna Fuerst on January 26, 2012 at 12:14pm

Comment by Joanna Fuerstjust now           Delete Comment

Hello ,Sorry I'm just missing him so so much !Losing my soul mate is so Difficult !!!  I am so not having a good day ...  My Husband's passing in Dec 09 has consumed my thoughts... Not only today but everyday of my life.. I still cant believe he's gone !!! My life and my 3 Daughters lives changed forever that one day ... If I coulld have one day in my life back , It would be that day !!! I so miss him ..

I think I still have gulit for not knowing . Togather 21 yrs and how did I not know ??? My older daughters and my relationship has changed !! I am still raising our 10 yr all by myself . Our World has been turned upside down!! Life is so hard for me to understand , I feel my older ones blame me , thier are mad at me for their Father leaving us.... and I dont know why !!! He didnt leave us a note .... Just left in the middle of the nite , was found the next morning less then 2miles from our home. That very moment a piece of me died with my Husband And I still ask myself daily why didn't he wake me , or tell us Good Bye >>>>  and then I had to tell all three of my Beautiful Daughters that Daddy was gone , ..So painful ,My heart hurts so so much for them .They have pushed me away from thier lives... I still ask ??What , Why , How ??? This pain seems to never stop !! But I have learned that by talkin reading other posts, I am not alone. and it does help ..I hope someday my kids will understand I am Mom and I didnt do anything wrong.. I am here for them like I have always been . They are my life !I love them with my all my heart!! I have always been their for them, they are good girls but just having a really hard time with Daddy leaving and they only person they seem to blame for his death is me. He left US !! I get so angry , hurt and mad all at the same time. ALthough I am tring to move on with my life as a person, but they just can't see that .. Very hurtful.=(

Comment by Carin~ Cody's Mom on January 20, 2012 at 6:00pm

Yesterday Was my Birthday. Witch I forgot till My twin Sister reminded me. I got flowers from Cody. That just sent me into a total melt down. I have mixed emotions about that. I want to believe he truley sent them but I'm sure someone sent them for him. The card read" Mom I just wanted to make sure you got flowers for your birthday I love you. Love Cody" Of course As if Im not trying to play detective enough now with unanswered questions. This is kind of bitter sweet. I have my note He never left me but feel like its not really from him.

Karen- Yes I struggle with T.V. Shows & the radio. neither are good for me right now. Even though I found him and the police are saying no one helped him I can't stop thinking someone may have been in the house. I guess because I just can't except it.

A friend of his stoped by the house tonight to see us. That was hard because I tried to be stong for this young man. They are looking for answers and comfort as well that I just don't have to give right now and I feel bad for that.

Everyone please help keep a friend I met on Legacy web pages in your thoughts I gave her this link. I wont tell her story in hopes she will come around and open up to us but she also has lost a beautiful son to soon the same way we have on this blog. She and her family has touched my heart and I think about her everyday.

 

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