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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Why Go On?

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Unbearable emotional pain!

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Dead brothers roomate!

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Comment by Karen Campbell on March 22, 2012 at 9:34am

@ Emalee.  I am so sorry for you. You are so young to have to go through this.  My daughter Marlene took her own life mar 12, 2011.  She left her sister (11 months younger than) alone.  Diane has gone through so many different phaises of grief.  She call me on her birthday sobbing and said "she and Marlene would never be the same age again."  They were the same age for 6 weeks.  Sometimes she is angry at Marlene for leaving her to figure out things on her own.  She can't call her after a bad day at work.  But we have been trying to work on the positives and the good memories.  And I have to admit that I probably wasn't as supportive to her as I should have been during the time.  Because I live 1400 miles away from Marlene, Diane had to be the one to make all the arrangements until I could get there.  It was very difficult for her.  And I am sure Diane thought i wasn't being very supportive of her.  It has all worked out and she spent the anniversary of Marlene's death with me and we did some fun things and shared tears, memories and laughs.  And it was good.  We know Marlene is with God and no longer unhappy.  She is also with her son whom she lost when he was 14.  And we will all see our loved ones again.  That is the absolute truth.  God and Jesus promises us that.  And I just think it is going to be so glorious when Jesus comes back out of the the clouds and our loved ones with him.  I can only just imagine what a glorious day that will be.  And remember You don't have to be strong, you just need to mourn and grieve at your own pace.  And excellent advice from Joyce....check out the counselor at your school.  And sometimes if there is a Hospice in your area, they may have a support group....take care and remember God will take care of you also.

 

Comment by Karen Campbell on March 22, 2012 at 9:24am

@Hope.  It has been a week more than 1 year since my Marlene took her own life. i can say it is easier but it will never get better.  That is not a correct word.  Give yourself time.  I have read a couple of good books that have helped me in both trying to understand why she did this and also where she is at now.  The first one is "90 minutes in heaven", the second is "heaven is for real" and the third is "And she was a Christian".  All 3 are excellent.  I think I cried everyday for a long time.  Now I can talk about her and not get choked up.  but sometimes it still happens.  I have a friend who lost her son 18 years ago.  She and I talked and cried together.  She said "he has been gone as long as he was here".  And she says she still has moments of sorrow.  My father said many years ago (after losing 2 youngsters ) that you never get over losing a child.  And I wish I hadn't had to experience it to understand, but now I do.  Just know that he is in a better place and he has no sorrow and no more pain.  And we will all see each other again....

Comment by Joyce M Rubacky on March 22, 2012 at 8:10am

Welcome, Emalee. Donna stated it so eloguently...."death of a sibling is so difficult. Suicide of a sibling adds a whole new dimension to grieving". How true a statement! My brother also shot himself. He was suppose to be here as we grew older, to think back and talk of our years growing up. That was not to be. When you loose a sibling you loose an important part of your childhood.  In your case, you have lost your brother so early in your life. You were still growing up with your brother! I wish you did not have to go through this. Donna's right, it's good to talk with someone who is also experiencing a loss such as your's. We are all different ages here and our siblings were all different ages. But the fact that they all took their lives creates a bond that, unfortunately, no one else can understand, unless this has also happened to them.  I too will keep you in my prayers.

Comment by Donna Messerly on March 21, 2012 at 11:46pm

Welcome, Emalee. Sometimes siblings are called the "forgotten mourners." You're not alone in what you're experiencing and I know that doesn't make it any better, but it is good for you to understand that. I don't know your parents, but I'm guessing they are in deep grief and want to be there for you. Sometimes when a parent loses a child, it takes up so much energy just to get through it that other people get lost in the mix. It's not because they don't love you, or don't care, it's just because the whole ordeal is overwhelming and oh so painful.

I lost a brother and a sister and I have some idea of how you're feeling. I was an adult when I lost them both. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you being so young.

You're doing the right thing by coming here. It's good to talk to other people who can relate to your suffering. 

Are you in high school? Do you have a school counselor? It might be a good idea to ask for a few minutes of his or her time and tell the counselor what you're experiencing. It doesn't cost a thing to do that and because your parents are so overwhelmed with their own pain, it's important that you let other adults know you're struggling.

If you belong to a religious organization, you might also consider talking with a member of the clergy.

Depending on where you live, there might be a grief support group. Wouldn't it be great if you could get your parents to go with you?

In the meantime, there are lots of people here who would be more than happy to talk to you on line. Death of a sibling is so difficult. Suicide of a sibling adds a whole new dimension to grieving.

I'll say a prayer for you.

Comment by Emalee Legenzoff on March 21, 2012 at 9:54pm

i am 17 years old and i lost my brother when i was 16 and he was 23 and he killed himself with a shotgun......when he passed away i was there for everyone else and cried for everyone else and not myself.and now i am struggling with no one being here for me.my parents think that we are all going through this the same way and what they dont understand that its not that way at all. they lost a son yes, but i lost a big brother that was supposed to be my best friend when i needed him. im basically alone on all this because i feel no one understands me...its been almost 2 years and nothing is getting better in my head.

Comment by Donna Messerly on March 21, 2012 at 7:01am

Ahhh. Thanks, Margo. I hope you're finding peace too.

Comment by Margo powell on March 21, 2012 at 3:41am
Ü Hi, Just want all of you to know I'm praying for all of you. I don't post my thoughts very much anymore but I always read the new posts as they pop up in my emails.

I'm so proud of each of you for the support you offer one another.
I often think that this type of a forum for suicide survivors is better than going to a therapist. each person on this site really cares and speaks from their hearts. Unless a therapist has been through the loss of a loved one by suicide, I'm not sure they could ever understand the roller coaster of emotions survivors experience.

I truly hope you are each healing and finding peace.

God Bless, Margo
Comment by Donna Messerly on March 16, 2012 at 9:30pm

@Hope, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Not much time has passed. My brother committed suicide on Dec. 29, 2012. I get impatient with myself too.

From what I have read, people often get happier than they have been for a long time once they make this difficult and painful decision. I guess somehow it gives them a sense of relief.

All to often people try to figure out who is to blame. I believe the truth is, an individual has to save himself or herself in the end. Sometimes . . . they just can't.

You're a special person to love him so much. I don't know you or your husband, but I know the best thing anyone could or can do for me right now is to just let me be angry when I need to, sad when I need to, and even happy when I need to. Everyone grieves in his or her own way.

I wish you didn't have to take this horrible walk.  I'll walk with you if I can. Please love yourself and your family. There's nothing to make sense of here  -- when you stop looking for the sense in this, when we stop looking, maybe we'll start to heal.

Comment by Jerica Guerra on March 16, 2012 at 8:15pm

@Donna, i did go to therapy, i cant say that it helped but i gave it a try. she would like to c me again. we didnt get to talk alot but at least she knows wat im going thru and will be more prepare for me next time. She will try to find a support group for me as well. Where i will be able to talk to other ppl live about suicide survivors. @Hope, my condolences to you and yr family. I think this forum knows all too well the pain that u are going thru. It will get easier in time. Just b there for your husband,he will def need you. let him come to you, which he will. God bless

Comment by Donna Messerly on March 14, 2012 at 8:23pm

@Jerica, I absolutely encourage you to do that! I think that's great.

 

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