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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Dead brothers roomate!

Started by colleen murphy. Last reply by colleen murphy Aug 10. 3 Replies

Moving forward

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Comment by Donna Messerly on March 24, 2012 at 4:00am

@Margo, I'm kind of thinking of Morgan, Utah. Ogden is my second home, though. My mom and dad both grew up there so I have extended family all over the community. Hawaii, huh? Wonder if I could get my horses on a plane? Hmmmmmmm (finger tapping on chin).

@Emalee, it's normal to be angry AND sad AND whatever you decide to feel at the time. Everyone here can completely understand the roller coaster of emotions you experience. I, personally, think the key is to feed off of each other's strengths and not each other's weaknesses. :) I like it here too. I feel like I can tell people I'm crazy for a day and not be judged.

Comment by Margo powell on March 24, 2012 at 2:55am
Donna,

I grew up in Ogden, Utah. What town are you moving to?
I live in Hawaii now.

Margo
Comment by Emalee Legenzoff on March 23, 2012 at 10:47pm

thank u everyone!reading everybodys comments have deffently made me cry and made me think.im really glad i joined this site!i reallly needed it.before this i was just a very angry person to tell u the truth.i was just upset after my brother passed away and now im angry and sad at the same time.and in a way depressed because i felt no one understood me.

Comment by Donna Messerly on March 23, 2012 at 6:46pm

My cousin just told me her family has enough pasture to feed my horses all year and she knows of a home for rent in the small community where I want to live (population 123 -- they'll have to buy a new sign if we move there). It's rare for homes to be for rent there. Some things are just right.

Comment by Donna Messerly on March 23, 2012 at 6:45pm

Lol. Thanks, Hope. It already is.

Comment by Donna Messerly on March 23, 2012 at 3:28pm

Thank you Hope and Margo. That is why we come to this site, isn't it -- to find people who understand our trials.

I stayed up all night trying to figure out how to change my situation.  I felt so strongly impressed to move to the northern end of Utah (I live in Southern Utah now). I live in such a rural area and now that my dad has passed, my brother and sister are gone, and my mom has moved away, it feels empty here.

I have wonderful extended family in Northern Utah and it feels like home to me. I love the Rascal Flatts song, "I'm Moving On."  http://youtu.be/fz1N8W8phec.

I've decided I need my family around me and its probably better to chase around those who are alive than those who are not at this point.

It feels good to have made a decision. Now I can move toward it. It will be nice to get away from this place where I have experienced so much tragedy and heartache.

I look out my kitchen window every day and over the cemetery next door. I can see my dad and sister's graves from here. It used to be a comfort to me. Now, every time I see the backhoe pull in, I dread the sorrow another family is suffering.

It will be nice to refocus on the living and just love the dead (knowing I'll be with them again some day). But, today, the Lord wants me to embrace those I do have left.

Opportunity awaits and I'm "Movin' On."

I have no idea how I will make this happen -- no money, no home, no job there, just lots of determination -- but consistently the Lord supports me in my right decisions and I have no doubt He is already clearing the road for us to travel to a new and better life.

Comment by Margo powell on March 23, 2012 at 2:11pm
Hi Donna,

First of all I want to say how impressed I am when I read your posts but beyond that how I am touched by your compassion and concern for those your respond t. You're a smart lady and very pretty as far as I can tell by your picture.

Secondly, I encourage you to stay strong in the face of adversity and sorrow. It seems once life's storms start to beat upon us they persist for years. Often the trials seem too much to bear, hence the reason we have al come to this site. Many we have loved and lost have been unable to endure the crushing trials they have faced.

I like you have now experienced years of difficult, difficult trials. After a series of suicides that left me devastated, I felt that life had very little purpose. My joy was gone and seemed impossible to regain. It still hasn't gotten to the level it was before my tsunami hit.

The Lord has never left me alone and so when I felt like giving up I relied on His strength to sustain me, and He did!!!

I picked up my Bible one day out of shear desperation for solace and to find some hope. When I opened my scriptures they fell open to the Book of Job.. Never has anyone had to face such losses and trials, as did he.

Recently, I heard it said," we are all called to go through an "Abrahamic Trial". Remember, the Lord had asked Abraham to
sacrifice Isaac.

You are in my prayers, as are all those who come to this site for support and understanding. I will s
Kneel and say a special prayer for you when I finish my post.

May you feel the peace only the Lord can provide. he loves you and is very aware of your trials. it is for that reason that Jesus suffered and died for us, so He could succor His people when we call upon Him.

Blessings to all! Know that I love you and mourn with you even though I don't know you personally.

Aloha, Margo
Comment by Donna Messerly on March 22, 2012 at 9:49pm

Today's a hard day for me -- no particular reason, just getting tired.  There's so much wrong in the world and right now I see so little good.  Seems like I've been trying to get back on my feet forever.  I'm no further ahead than I was five years ago. Constant trouble. I am trying so hard to be upbeat and positive and I just seem to spin, spin, spin my wheels.  I don't know if I'll ever figure out how to make things right again.

Comment by Karen Campbell on March 22, 2012 at 9:34am

@ Emalee.  I am so sorry for you. You are so young to have to go through this.  My daughter Marlene took her own life mar 12, 2011.  She left her sister (11 months younger than) alone.  Diane has gone through so many different phaises of grief.  She call me on her birthday sobbing and said "she and Marlene would never be the same age again."  They were the same age for 6 weeks.  Sometimes she is angry at Marlene for leaving her to figure out things on her own.  She can't call her after a bad day at work.  But we have been trying to work on the positives and the good memories.  And I have to admit that I probably wasn't as supportive to her as I should have been during the time.  Because I live 1400 miles away from Marlene, Diane had to be the one to make all the arrangements until I could get there.  It was very difficult for her.  And I am sure Diane thought i wasn't being very supportive of her.  It has all worked out and she spent the anniversary of Marlene's death with me and we did some fun things and shared tears, memories and laughs.  And it was good.  We know Marlene is with God and no longer unhappy.  She is also with her son whom she lost when he was 14.  And we will all see our loved ones again.  That is the absolute truth.  God and Jesus promises us that.  And I just think it is going to be so glorious when Jesus comes back out of the the clouds and our loved ones with him.  I can only just imagine what a glorious day that will be.  And remember You don't have to be strong, you just need to mourn and grieve at your own pace.  And excellent advice from Joyce....check out the counselor at your school.  And sometimes if there is a Hospice in your area, they may have a support group....take care and remember God will take care of you also.

 

Comment by Karen Campbell on March 22, 2012 at 9:24am

@Hope.  It has been a week more than 1 year since my Marlene took her own life. i can say it is easier but it will never get better.  That is not a correct word.  Give yourself time.  I have read a couple of good books that have helped me in both trying to understand why she did this and also where she is at now.  The first one is "90 minutes in heaven", the second is "heaven is for real" and the third is "And she was a Christian".  All 3 are excellent.  I think I cried everyday for a long time.  Now I can talk about her and not get choked up.  but sometimes it still happens.  I have a friend who lost her son 18 years ago.  She and I talked and cried together.  She said "he has been gone as long as he was here".  And she says she still has moments of sorrow.  My father said many years ago (after losing 2 youngsters ) that you never get over losing a child.  And I wish I hadn't had to experience it to understand, but now I do.  Just know that he is in a better place and he has no sorrow and no more pain.  And we will all see each other again....

 

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