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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Comment by Carla on May 25, 2012 at 8:39pm

Jerica - I am so sorry for your grief right now. Those anniversaries are just as hard; sometimes harder. One year is nothing - it's like yesterday. Be gentle with yourself and know others are thinking of you and holding you in prayer,

carla

Comment by Carla on May 25, 2012 at 8:36pm

Dear Carin - I'm sorry that your husband is not understanding where you are. We know that "things" are just objects but every time some gets used up - the soap, or I run out of his tablet paper - it feels like I lose him all over again. I know it does not make sense to anyone else who has not felt this type of pain. And there is nothing wrong with us... it is how we grieve.. it pieces and over a long time.
There is a whole section of town I can't drive by where he lived and died. I know he is not there - I know that - but I can't bring myself to go there. I believe when Michael died it was the end of the world - as I knew it - and I know that I have to build a new world without him here. I have to find my faith again, and my footing, and my peace. I hope you can find a safe place to put Cody's possessions, and the Christmas decorations, and things you need to keep right now. Perhaps in the future, you and I will be able to release some of those "things" but for now - it is what keeps us connected until we are ready for the next step. This is so hard for couples - I pray that you can find a good grief counselor or pastor who can help you both through this. I doubt I would be here if it wasn't for Michael's father taking care of me, holding me up, being there for me when his own grief is so great. Please keep in touch, hang on to each day.

Comment by Jerica Guerra on May 25, 2012 at 7:44pm

Today makes one year that my lil brother committed suicide..... went to his grave n puts flowers and said a prayer. May u rest in peace.... :'(  i wanna cry so bad, but no tears r coming down.. y is that?! :(

Comment by Carin~ Cody's Mom on May 25, 2012 at 7:06pm

Carla,

I thought It was me. I didnt want to take the calendar down from the month he died and my husband and I had a huge fight about that one. The xmas directions are still up because Cody put them there a week before he died. I Yes he too still has shower soap in the shower I pick it up now and then and smell it and refuse to let anyone do anything with it. My husband keeps yelling at me telling me the are just indiaman ojects not the end of the world. He was his step Father. May not have been the end of the work for him but as for me it was they minuite his heart stopped beating.

 

Comment by Carla on May 24, 2012 at 12:24am

Dear Theresa - Be gentle with yourself with jobs and relationships. You will grieve at your own pace and in your own time. It is unfortunate if the people in our lives don't get that - and don't get that this kind of tragic sorrow is much harder and longer than other forms of grieving. I don't worry about keeping pace with life anymore - my life has changed forever. I will never be the person I was, nor have the life I had. Each day is building a different life and most of the time that is hard. You will find yourself again... I'm just beginning to. My husband and I made a pact that horrible day that we would get through this together. Sometimes it is hard but we have kept that promise. I pray that you will be blessed the same way.

Comment by Carla on May 24, 2012 at 12:18am

Dear Carin - I had my husband buy a safe - a big one - to put all I had left of Michael's things in it. That way I have what means the most to me in a safe place. I would have a panic attack if I thought I had lost anything. and moving his few possessions back home - I still haven't gone through them. Even using up the dish soap he had used felt like losing him in some way. Yes, I know what it feels like to not want others messing with his stuff. And it is so hard to see others moving on with life when mine has changed forever. I cannot be angry with them, but it hurts still. We, also, had found a wonderful pastor who has stood by us all this time and I have a really good grief counselor that I still see on a regular basis. One day at a time is all I can do.

Comment by Jerica Guerra on May 23, 2012 at 9:33pm

Hello to all, havent been on for a while. this May 25th is gonna be 1 year that my lil brother took his life by shooting himself. Ive gotten better as time has gone by, but sill think about him everyday. Tomorrow is my mom's birthday (may 24) next day of last year we got the phone call that my brother had committed suicide. so tom is gonna be hard on us. on friday we planned to go the cementary with my other siblings to be with my brother and brings flowers and balloons to his grave. :) it sup to be alot of us going which it will be nice cuz i know he will be smiling down on us. I still miss him terribly. i miss his ohone calls and his texts. :(  the day we buried my brother was on my birthday May 31. So my birthday is coming up soon and im not gonna know how im going to react that day. My plan is to go to work but wont know if im going depending how i wake up that morning. but i know my brother wouldnt want me to be soaking in tears for him, instead he would want me to celebrate it for him as well for myself. This is gonna be a bitter-sweet day for me..........

Comment by Carin~ Cody's Mom on May 23, 2012 at 9:13pm

Theresa,

Ive stopped turning so much to people who are not in my shoes for comfort. Because while yes they are grieving the loss of my son as well. It's not nor will it ever be the same for them so they found it easier to move on a little with their lives. I read the bible A LOT I cry alot in my car by my self so no one knows. We have a pastor working very close with my husband and I. He has helped my husband understand just what I'm going through as a mother of a child who took his own life and the fact that I was the one that found my son and was alone with him till I found help. The pastor who is in our lives showed up on the day my son took his life and has not left our lives since. It's still so hard some days. We are having friends and family over this weekend for a BBQ and I'm already getting nervis they will disturb the littest thing that will send me into a tail spin. I have asked my husband to shut and lock Cody's door. I don't want anyone in there if I'm not around.

Comment by Theresa Sweaney on May 23, 2012 at 8:27pm

Thank you Carla and Carin for sharing, I appreciate reading your perspectives.  I think I need a home-based job, but I'm not really feeling motivated to do much of anything anymore, other than where my heart leads me to go.  I know I have to go back to full-time work soon though.  I have been working two wknds per month as a respite provider.  I forget the most basic things, which has greatly undermined my confidence in my abilities.  I like how you described just folding up on bad days.  My mate has been most patient with me, but he doesn't understand and after a year of trying to be patient, is growing weary of it.  He is frustrated that I don't keep a better pace with life/living my life.  I can see how people end up in divorce.  I'm overwhelmed to have such pressures to "perform," when I feel so weak and inadequate right now.  It just adds to my stresses.

Comment by Carla on May 23, 2012 at 1:18pm

Dear Joyce  and all those here, I believe our minds protect us in many ways - - I, too, still lose things, forget things, have forgotten so much. Our only son, Michael, died Dec 2009. It is like yesterday. I don't remember most of the first year, and even into the second. I am aware that time passes, but I am just not connected to it in some ways. I don't worry about it anymore. What is needed gets done. I, too, left my job. Thankfully, an at home job came available. It still takes a lot to face the "world". It's better, or not better, but it is easier to carry. Every day I wake up and start again. This site was a God-send for me. I still read many of the postings.  There are days my heart is heavy and tears are many and I just fold up. and some days I am better and can move forward. when I first came to this site there were 40 some members - now there are 471.... there is a great need to comfort others in this world who have experienced so great a loss as we have. I pray for everyone here.

 

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