suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Comment by Carin~ Cody's Mom on February 23, 2013 at 8:58pm
How old was Charles? Cody was 18 I get so upset and sad watching his friends grow and succeed in life. I'm missing my son do those things and some days wonder if I truly did everything I could to help him.
Comment by Theresa Sweaney on February 23, 2013 at 8:46pm

Carin, don't let it.  I struggle with gaining my life back, so I realize how difficult it is to move beyond where we are.  As I recall, your loss was really not that long ago.  I lost my son Charles almost 2 years ago, and I have hit a few turning points along the way (it seems, at 6-month intervals), with the biggest one at 1-1/2 years.  I'm not consumed daily/hourly now like I used to be, but I'm still sad and weepy several times a week.  I am making good progress, I think.  You will get your life back too.  Hang in there, and keep taking baby steps forward whenever you can.  Gentle hugs.

Comment by Carin~ Cody's Mom on February 23, 2013 at 8:32pm
I thought I was getting a handle on my depression and grief but all I was really doing was getting good at fooling people I was ok. I'm guessing my bottled up grief and pain started attacking my body. I've never been so sick as much as I have been since Cody died. I put all documents of his death and after away in the safe today of course that upset me just as if it was the day he died. I'm realizing his choice to take his life is taking mine as well.
Comment by Carla on February 23, 2013 at 7:33pm

Carin - I too have experienced exhaustion, colds, insomnia, and PTSD (when our grandson pulled a stupid stunt at our home). Also, when I hear of really sad and violent things on news TV, or when I'm overwhelmed by how many loved ones are lost as vicitims of suicide. My counselor said - watch your health, eat well, and sleep a lot, and don't watch so much TV or news. I also developed a tremor which she suggested getting a low impact exercise - i chose Tai chi - which did help. Grief take a huge toll and EXPECIALLY the type of grief those who post on this site experienced. We have been hit even harder. I will keep you in prayer for healing and health.

Comment by Theresa Sweaney on February 23, 2013 at 6:17pm

Carin, I'm sorry to hear of your physical challenges.  Doesn't seem fair, added to the grief we experience over our children.  I have experienced more colds and flues due to weakened immune resistance that comes from grieving.  This theory has been confirmed by others, and I have read information consistent with this in several of my grief recovery reads as well.  Take good care of are in my prayers for renewed strength and recovery.

Comment by Carin~ Cody's Mom on February 22, 2013 at 8:18pm
Has anyone in this group suffered from illnesses? Since losing my son 14 months ago I have been diagnosed with PTSD, several panic attacks,phenomena, depression and in 7 more days I'll know if my caner has returned. The stress has been in my life long before Cody lost his battle with mental illness. I faught so hard to help him to keep him here with me only to lose the fight and my son in the end. I'm dealing with not being able to help in, not being able to save him that day, the grief of loosing him and the guilt of feeling like I as his mother failed him. Anyway... I think it's all taking a tole on my body.
Comment by Tamika on January 27, 2013 at 6:50pm
Nikki Holmes I feel for you I feel the same way about my Dad. It's hard being a girl and losing your Dad. You lose a sense of security. Since you're apart of this support group which I joined for my brother who made a decision. I know your Dad must have made a decision. And changed your life. I hope you at least got a note. If you didn't or did you know he loved you. I refuse to lie to anyone and say it gets better. It gets bearable. That's really all you could ask for. You need to know you are not alone. Going through this is heartbreaking. And it's okay. It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to wish the impossible. It's grief. This is someone you loved. So it's okay to grieve. It's okay to hurt. If you're lucky and have siblings still here to grieve with do that. My Dad passed away in September my lil brother made a decision 5 years ago. So I had to bear it all alone. But if you have siblings thank your lucky stars and be there for each other. If not just know you are not alone. And I'm here. You can friend me if you like. Giving back on this site is great therapy for me. But I'm not okay everyday either. I wish you well. And offer my support.
Comment by Nikki Holmes on January 27, 2013 at 6:37am

I miss my dad. I don't want to accept this or move on. I just want him back.

Comment by Nikki Holmes on January 27, 2013 at 6:34am

Comment by Theresa Sweaney on January 8, 2013 at 7:56pm

Exactly (what Christine said there, below).  It's been 19 mos since my son Charles died, and I'm only starting to feel the strength that has been building over these past months of doing the hard work of grieving.  It takes a lot of time and a lot of work, but you will come through it if you set your mind to it.

I read everything I could get my hands on to help me understand suicide, brain disorders, and the process of grieving.  I also found people locally as well as on this site who were like minded to whom I could both get and give support.  I also sought out grief therapy, meds, and attended grief recovery support groups.  These were some of the ways I equipped myself to deal with the overwhelming pain.  I also took up gardening, as well as volunteering in the community (@NAMI...National Alliance on Mental Illness...the organization that was there for me with support when my son was still alive and we were trying to cope with his disease). 

Try to put as many supports in your life as you can.  You are in my thoughts and prayers Cindi.  Gentle hugs.


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