suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Comment by Angel Poreda on March 22, 2013 at 2:38pm
That's terrible caryn I hope your fatherinlaw is well.
I don't really know what to say about the man because I probably would have lost it also.. On the news this morning was an arrest of 2 drug dealers for heroin distribution people that my sister knew all I could think was GOOD ... My sister didn't die of an overdose she actually was turned away from a methadone clinic they refused too see her .. She went home and acted like she was doing the laundry went into her basement and hung herself.. It happened soo fast her fiancé was at home with her and found her within minutes .. But it was already too late.
Comment by Caryn Hersh on March 22, 2013 at 11:59am

Last night was so hard. We had to take my father in law to the ER and in the bed next to him was a man who was suicidal & had tried to kill himself with painkillers & alcohol, which is how my brother did it. I just felt like go into his little room & freaking out on him.


Comment by Carla on March 21, 2013 at 5:17pm

For Caryn and Angela, I follow all the postings here, though sometimes I don't write as much anymore. That doesn't mean my heart is broken every time I hear of a new loss. Please know that every one posting here knows how you feel, we have been right where you are and we are all trying to move forward the best we can. You will find comfort here. Our son has been gone a little over three years. I still can't believe that or process it. I know time has passed, but it remains like yesterday. And I cry almost every day; some days worse, some days better. The pain will get easier to carry - but it won't ever be gone. This site helped me so much, as did a great grief counselor - find one!! Find someone who will listen and grieve with you and also give you hope. I did not understand Michael's depression nor how bad it was. That is the horrible side of this disease; people keep it hidden or try to deal with it in so many bad ways. Other people will not understand. A few you will lose friendships along the way, because they don't know what to say to us. Some don't want to be around us because they are afraid of such a terrible thing happening to them. But there will be angels who come our way and help us through each day.

You are not alone, ever. And this site is a wonderful place to vent, to cry, to ask for help, and to find comfort.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,


Comment by Caryn Hersh on March 21, 2013 at 4:39pm

Angel, thats exactly what I thought. It's good to have someone who is completely removed from the situation confirm it. I start with my therapist next thursday.

Thanks for your insight


Comment by Angel Poreda on March 21, 2013 at 4:17pm
I'm SOOO sry for your family yes it can be really messy ... My sisters son was adopted by a family member 1 year ago .. And her 6 month old daughter is with her fiancé I feel for your mom when my sister died all I wanted was to see my nephew to hug him and never let go.. I can't even imagine how sad your mom is mom is also having a tough time my sister and my mother had no relationship at all for the past few years ..and her guilt is tearing her up.. But you can't let their feeling put you in the middle I see my nephew and niece and I try to stay out of anyone's negative feelings ..the way I see it is if you don't like it that's your problem ..I know easier said then done!!! But that's the attitude you have to take ..your feeling are more important then their petty squabbling it will not change anything no matter how much they bicker with each other .your relationship with your nephew is too important to let them get in the way .. Sometimes you have to love family from a distance .. Surround yourself with the people who live you ..therapy will help .. It will give you a really safe place to get everything off your chest and you won't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings..
Comment by Caryn Hersh on March 21, 2013 at 3:20pm

Thanks to both of you. Unfortunately I work in an office of 2 people & the other person isn't in, which makes days like today even harder. It's really hard for me to talk to my family. There is so much going on between my family & my brothers' wife that is not good and unfortunately I'm in the middle of that, so it's messy and that isn't helping anything, it's allover seeing my brothers baby, he's 1 1/2 yrs. old.  A lot of nasty things were said by my mom to his wife, so of course she does want to see her, but my mom wants to see her grandson. His wife & I get along really well & I've been seeing my nephew which makes my parents angry at me. Like I said it's ugly & messy.

Comment by LA-Greg on March 21, 2013 at 3:12pm
caryn, ur not alone in that struggle. i cant work like i used to either. do what u can to distract urself to get thru the work. sometimes it helps me to think of later, when im off work and i can reach out to a friend, or have a few moments alone with my sorrow where i dont have to hold back. if u have that outlet 2 look toward it can help u hunker thru the work day. also take bathroom breaks where u can cry a bit in the stall. maybe theres a supervisor who u can confide in who will cover for u a bit. this hell we have to deal with is our job too. in some ways more important. nothing is wrong with u to hurt so. tend to yourself. and where u dont have anyone at the moment, take care of urself as u would wish u had someone to do for u. of course a weekly counseling session can be a thing to look forward to as well. take ur pain seriously, but also ur job. give the grieving plenty of room in the off hours and the job will be less difficult. and sometimes the job can help, to distract urself from overwhelming urself w miserable thoughts and guilt and such, as well. some days it will be a welcome break. im sorry today it isnt. i, too, had a hard time getting my work done 2day. and then i felt worse for it. but we are not worse. theres nothing wrong with us to grieve. and its not always un messy. hang in there. i hear u and so many others here.

Comment by Angel Poreda on March 21, 2013 at 3:02pm
Caryn, my other sister is struggling a lot she is a councelor and decided to get her doctorate in December and announced her decision at Christmas .. She is ..was one of the strongest people I have ever known when she called me that day to rush to the e.r I have never in my life seen anyone soo broken .. It's hard watching her beat herself up like this ..I'm soo glad I have her but she is SOOO sad ..I don't know how to help her she crys all the time ..I would say to reach out to your family they know how sad you are ..they are sad too I know from experience they want to help you but they probably don't know how.. I know I want to be there for my sister buti have no idea what to say or do ..every phone call is awkward seeing her like visiting a stranger.. Tell your family what you are feeling you may be surprised .
Comment by Caryn Hersh on March 21, 2013 at 2:16pm

I am having such a bad day. I keep crying & I am at work so it's really not good. I was hoping it would start to get easier but it just keeps getting harder.


Comment by LA-Greg on March 21, 2013 at 12:58pm
keep putting it out there. much better than hiding it inside.

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