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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Comment by Dan Boylan on December 29, 2009 at 3:30pm
my wife completed suicide 04/04/ 2008 we would have been Married 25 years May of 2008

I think I have a right to feel angry - my wife chose death over life with the kids and myself. It's not fair - in a matter of moments she scarred us for life. I often feel numb and just go thru the motions of every day life. Sometimes I go to great lengths to persuade myself that the death was accidental. I Keep asking "why" every day. and the hoildays are the worse. just going thru them for the kids . Thank you for letting me share my pain with people that understand...
Comment by SUE on December 28, 2009 at 9:55pm
Carla,
I really do understand. I was sometimes more mother than sister to my brother Steve. We lost Kay (murdered) just 2 weeks b4 x-mas and my brother 10 months after that. My brothers last christmas was with me. I gathered up his belongings, returned his car, made the arrangements,took care of our mom...Im so sorry you are going thru this. I hope you get an opportunity to slow down and catch your breath. Sometimes being busy helps but mostly it just prolongs...you are in my thoughts
Sue
Comment by SUE on December 28, 2009 at 9:44pm
Bunny,
I am sorry for your loss of your son. It may very well be your son sent that young man to you in the grocery store. I feel pretty strongly that my brother sent me someone as well. I also did not answer my brothers last call. We spoke just an hour prior, I was tired, thought if it was important he'd leave a message....alas I shall never know what he wanted to say. I feel your pain thru your words and Im so sorry you have reason to be here. Your family's loss is so new, I know its hard...especially being the care giver. You sound like a very giving woman, Im sure your children know how much you love each and everyone of them. Keep doing what you feel is best for you right now, your close friends and family will understand. I had to smile when I read about the speghetti o's, your son sounded like a very special guy.
Sue
Comment by Carla on December 26, 2009 at 12:32am
Today is Christmas. I am exhausted trying to hold together for my husband, my other children, my father (mom died just 4 months ago), my sister. Our son, Michael, took his life on Dec 13th. He was 28. He shot himself twice..but I was able to see his body, his face and to touch him one last time. Sometimes I am blank and other times I am in so much pain. I'm afraid we have a very long journey ahead of us. As we bring home his things it comforts and kills me at the same time.
Comment by Bunny on December 24, 2009 at 2:25am
I lost my son in July, yesterday a young man approached me at the store and asked me a question about some relish. He said he was helping his grandmother fix dinner. He said they lost his uncle that morning so he was fixing his favorite meal. I was all the more compelled to help him at that point. I told him how nice it was of him to be so thoughtful. I shared with him that I had recently lost my son and as tears welled up in my eyes I told him it was still painful. With the sweetest voice he wished me a Happy Holiday. I felt my sons presence so deeply as I looked into the young mans eyes. I had turned only for a moment and he was gone. I kept looking for him but he was gone. My son is gone but his memory is alive. His wife and baby are sleeping in the other room and will be with the family for Christmas.
There was much sadness in his life his last Christmas was not so happy for him. The last two years him and his wife had been seperated off and on. I see him in his little girl as she walks thru the house. Today we went to the cemetary and put balloons on his grave. We had to wait as a burial was taking place. I can't imagine their grief losing someone so close to Christmas. His twin brother and my youngest held me as I cried and shivered in the cold today. I was so busy making sure I had the can of spaghetti O's to put on his grave I forgot my jacket. Spaghetti O's was one of his favorite foods when he was growing up. Every year for Christmas I would put a can in his Christmas stocking. Looking back I don't remember if I had gotten the spaghetti o's before the young man approached me or after but they were on my list. Many things remind me of him and I cry. There are some who don't understand my feelings and probably think I shouldn't be so emotional but I can't let them bother me, I don't and I won't. If they are that insensitive thats their problem. I have had to learn to be more appreciative of those who are still with us. I have to realize that none of us know when we might lose anyone in our lives. I've already had to look back and wish there were things I might have done different. Returning his call being there when he called. Being more determined to be with him when I knew he was struggling. I want to learn from this and not have the same regrets with someone else in my life. I feel my grief is neglecting the ones I love and making me unavailable to them. I asked God for strength to help me and he answered my prayer. As the young man said to me. I wish all of you a Happy Holiday. May God send his angels to comfort you during this time. Be with the ones you love and cherish those moments while you have them.
Comment by SUE on December 23, 2009 at 9:54am
For all those posting here. Please check the My Page for responses to your posts. I know how disheartning it can be when you think no one has responded to a post, so please look there. Also it helps others to respond to specific posts if they are posted in the discussion forum. I hope that helps, I just dont want anyone here to be missed.
Sue
Comment by SUE on December 23, 2009 at 9:44am
Carla,
there are a few comments left for you on your page. I wanted to mention that in case you've missed them.
Comment by Carla on December 21, 2009 at 9:09am
Our son, Michael, took his life last Sunday. We buried him Saturday. I don't know what day it is. We are lost...............I don't know what to do
Comment by Genevia on December 17, 2009 at 10:09pm
I lost my 20 year old son, Cory, to suicide on Memorial Day weekend May 24, 2008. I cannot let go of the one thing I want more than anything and that is to hug him & kiss his cheek and to say goodbye. I miss him so very, very much I ache.
Genevia
Comment by SUE on December 16, 2009 at 7:45am
Catherine I posted a lengthy response under your name. Go to my page to see it there ok. I hope you are doing ok.
Sue
 

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