suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Latest Conversations: Jan 23

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Comment by Latisha Webb on June 12, 2012 at 12:13am

As I sit here and read everyones post, I have come to learn that each one of you are very strong people. in many ways it makes me feel weak and selfish. Most of you all have only recently lost your family member to suicide, where I lost my father 25 years ago. I thought I had been dealing with the loss fairly well and then my 19 year old cousin shot and killed his self on mothers day 2011. I got mad and angry cause I didnt know how to help the family deal, when alot of the came to me for advice on how to handle all the emotions they were feeling. Since then, I have had a harder time dealing with my fathers death. I still have something to do with his mother, sister and the rest of the family, but i feel jilted cause he is not here to see his grandchildren or was not here to watch me grow up. I wish I could make everyones pain go away. In many ways, I want to help everyone, but I first have to learn how to once again deal with my issues. I cant really call it grief, its more anger on how he could do such a thing. Is it right that i still feel this way after so long? I feel like i have never had closure or been able to grieve cause I was so young when it happened. I wish everyone peace and I know what every you or I am feeling, only GOD can get us through it all! 

Comment by Carla on June 11, 2012 at 8:37pm

Dear Carin - My heart is with you. The anniversary days and holidays are the worst. When I hit six months I was devastated.. I had never not seen or talked with Michael for more than a couple of days; I couldn't believe I had not seen him for 180 days. And yes, it is even harder. I send cards to Michael... on all those days... write to him, put a stamp on it and put his first name and drop in a mail box somehwere. And somehow I know he knows.


To all of you who have found this site - whose hearts are still breaking - know you are kept in thoughts and prayers always.

Comment by Carin~ Cody's Mom on June 11, 2012 at 8:13pm

Today was Cody's 19th Birthday. He has Only been gone for 5 months. My heart just can't take anymore weight on it. I think I cried harder today then I did the pass he passed. My Heart goes out to all the mommys who suffer the way I am with the loss of our children. I made a vedio for his friends and our family I decided not to visit him. I did release Balloons to him.

Comment by Bethany King on June 11, 2012 at 7:25pm

Hi mark,

I have only been a member for a few weeks but after my husband took his life this group has been wonderful, The people here have gotten me through some very dark days. I dont like to talk much im a very private person but writing helps, to me its just like putting my feelings down on paper but then the next time i log on usualy on a bad day there are some very supportive messages and just when i feel like giving up i realise im not the only one feeling this way and as long as there are groups like these each day gets a little easier well it dont get easier but you manage to get through the day. take care

Comment by Bethany King on June 11, 2012 at 7:20pm


I do try to get to a suicide suvivors meeting but ours only meet once a month to and start a 7pm so with the children its hard to attend.

because i was able to get to my husband and perform resucitation he died in the icu three days later. I needed answers so i went and spoke to the hospital i thought it might help me but all it has done is taken me from denial to complete reality that my husbands not coming home. i couldnt understand why i was able to help him on his first attempt but wasnt able to this time, the first time was a much longer time frame to this time both times being by hanging. The hospital told me that by resucitating him i gave our families time to say goodbye but it doesnt feel that way to me, im 30 years old and i feel like my life is over after a previous relationship 11 years ago which was very abusive finding my beautiful, gentle caring husband was the best thing ever and i only got two years with him. i feel cheated and like i wasted so much of that time trying to learn to trust, i only moved in with him last july and we were married on the 3rd november 2011. what am i meant to do now

Comment by Mollie Susan Johnson on June 11, 2012 at 6:06pm

It has been 8 months and 4 days since my youngest brother completed suicide. It still feels like today, yesterday. I am struggling to make it thru my oldest son's wedding this week-end. I am joyful for him and the family but don't really feel it. For heavens sake I'm wearing a mask and I just hate it! I want to take my mask off. Seems everyone has moved on but me. Because of the wedding this week and other circumstances I have delayed getting my faithful companion dog for almost 14 years, put down because of pain that gets worse for her everyday. She has sensed my emotional pain and has comforted me like no other. I have held onto her selfishly and she is suffering so I have to let her go. My therapist says mabey my brother left us because of his physical and emotional pain..and that he thought he was doing the right thing by ending his life.his way..his choice. I'm so confused..he was wearing a mask?  My dog is laying on the floor next to me like she always has..I can't bear the thought of losing her too

Comment by Karen Campbell on June 11, 2012 at 1:14pm

Dear Mark.  first I am so sorry for your loss.  I want to tell you about my daughter Marlene who took her own life on Mar 11, 2011 after a lot of issues and heartache.  I know she is now at the peace that she so desparately sought here on earth.  My other daughter, Diane, who was 11 months younger is still trying to deal with her loss  We are both at different levels of our grief and we are both feeling and going through different emotions.  Her comment on her birthday was " Marlene and I will never be the same age again.  (Marlene was 43 and Diane turned 43 in December) and Diane just sobbed..Quite often the sibling(s) are left behind in all the sorrow and they indeed need to support and help as much or sometimes more than the parent(s) or spouse (which wasn't in our sorrow...he was the one that caused Marlene's suffering.)  Diane has experience the loneliness, the anger, all all the rest of the grieving process. It does get easier, not necessarily better.  And everyone is different.  And Diane and I are not usally at the same level together, which may sometimes be a blessing. We  both still have a difficult time in saying the "S" word.  It is almost a stigma......but as I learn more, I am able to cope more.  I guess all I can say it to accept what your sister has done, know that God has taken her to his great Heaven and that he will give you the strength to get through this.  Every day we deal with our loss and everyday we give thanks to the Lord for the few years we had with Marlene.  She was a great daughter, a caring sister and wonderful aunt.  Yes we miss her terribly but know that she is with her Lord and her son once again.  We will all see each other will see your sister again.  Please know that she is with her Lord and I'll bet she has met my Marlene and they are both looking out for you and for her sister and me.   take care. 

Comment by Theresa Sweaney on June 11, 2012 at 12:25pm

Hi Mark.  Welcome.  Your GP sounds wise.  You may find that even when you feel too vulnerable to talk, you can also come here and read others' posts, which is at least half of the benefit of this site.  By identifying with other people's experiences, you will probably be more able to identify and process your own emotions of grief more productively.  Grief recovery takes time and work, but you will get there if you take it a step at a time.

Comment by Joyce M Rubacky on June 11, 2012 at 10:57am

Hello Mark, it took me awhile before I talked about my brother's suicide! It has been 14 months since he took his own life.  I see someone on a professional level, but I have to say this site helps in so many ways!  I have found I do much better emotionally posting my feelings. Words come easier when typing than when I try to talk about it. Everyone here wants the same thing....compassion, peace and a sounding board! I hope you will find a little of each here also. My thoughts and prayers to you and your loved ones.

Comment by mark A A on June 11, 2012 at 9:49am


its taken me almost 18 months to talk about my sisters suiscide, and today was the first time i have tried to seek any proffessional advice that being of my local GP.

this feels very alien to me speaking about it and sharing my feelings but it was one of my GP's suggestions. As my stuburn burrying my head in the sand approach has not worked i thought i would make some effort and do as he suggested.

the GP i visited was fantastic and so understanding so the first step i have made has been relatively positive, along with the support of my girlfriend of 4 years who has also had to indure a hurrendous year and a bit.

being the oldest of 3 children and as my parents seperated some years ago and then my dad died i have found ive bared the load and its proven too much.

but i look forward to things getting better and hopefully this website might even help?!!!??

i hope so x


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