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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Comment by Tammy Garrido on April 29, 2012 at 8:05am
Meliza u r such a blessing to us all here!!! I'm just so glad we all can relate to each other and feel each others pain!! This is a wonderful group cause all of u are dealing n feeling the same as me!! I still cry everyday and I probably should be alot farther along in my grief since it's been a year but I'm still stuck with not being able to believe I can never talk or see my Mom again!!! Plus I also deal with tons of guilt cause I didn't call authorities to save my Mom!! But my Mom lived in Houston TX and I live in Iowa plus she promised me she would hold on for a week but she didn't and I just wish I could have saved her
Comment by Tammy Garrido on April 29, 2012 at 7:54am
Thank u very much Mollie for ur wisdom and I am so very sorry bout the loss of ur brother & I know how u feel about ur church family cause I also had to deal with the stares and I know it's cause they don't know really what to say to us and I feel also like I'm being judged. And yea people don't think I'm grieving right either but yet they haven't been thru what we here have been through!!! I'm so very grateful for every single one of you cause I know each and everyone of u know how it feels to be in my shoes!!! I've been told by my many counselors I've been to in this past year that suicide is the hardest grief to deal with jus wish my family could understand that!!! Thanks again for sharin ur story!! May God grant peace to all of us!!!
Comment by Mollie Susan Johnson on April 28, 2012 at 10:08pm

Grief..it never leaves me.Meliza I'm so sorry for you and the children.I feel quilty, sad and angry so much. My brother took his life knowing I was on the way to his house. Guilt..for me is "I should have gotten there sooner.I could have saved him. My brother was sick..depression and pain from pysical problems. My couselor says he just reached the point of where he couldn't take any of it anymore. You don't want to go to be with him..your children will always need you and you don't want to do as he did and leave your friends and loved ones behind to go thru what your going thru now.I hope you have some help taking care of your children especially at times when you really want to be alone. Cry,God  catches all our tears. Don't fight them back like I did and still do at times..makes the hurt worse. Love and prayers for your strength to keep going on..one day at a time with God by your side.  Tammy, I am alo so sorry about your mother and what you, your children, family and friends are going thru. So hard. It's been almost 6 months for me but seems unreal still, and like it happened yesterday. The only people I have found to relate to is here..it's like subject closed by my family and friends..even my Pastor and church family. God bless you Tammy..I'm glad you're here. I keep thinking about a few things that were said to me here..from Theresa "we have the privilege of walking alongside you in your sorrow" Such a beautiful vision. Donna saying that what happened was like a "humpty dumpty fall"  so many pieces of me are scattered and there are days I think I'll never be whole again. And Margo..said "you suffer greatly because you loved so deeply. Refiners fire" my heart so desires..but I'm having a really hard time praying..thankful that God knows what is in my heart! My Pastor and church family..I shake my head. No phone calls,the few times I've gone..people turned their heads away like they didn't know what to say. People can think I'm handling it all wrong but I'm handling it my way the best I can.Meliza..everyday I wonder why oh why God allowed this to happen. One day, mabey we'll get our answers, but I don't think mine will come from this earth. Peace and love to all here!

Comment by Margo powell on April 28, 2012 at 8:55pm
Meliza,
When my daughter's friend's committed suicide, she said the same thing. My belief is that because we have been given our free agency, God allows us the right to make our own choices. Some choices have very bad consequences. When we are broken and feel that our own strength is not enough to bear our burdens, if you truly believe and trust God, you will feel a sustaining power and peace that only He can provide.
I know you are angry and are suffering on so many levels. When you sincerely ask Jesus to step into the mix, He will make himself known.
When my mother died, I felt an amazing peace come over me. I knew it was God's way of showing me she had gone to a good place.
Three years later, in the middle of the night a voice spoke to me and said, " bask in his life giving light" 3 times. The sublime peace I felt was amazing. Every cell in my body felt as though it was filled with effervescent light. it was BEAUTIFUL and SOOO PEACEFUL.
Open your heart and, try not to hate ( that is of Satan). God is aware of you!!! Your children are so precious!!!! This trial may be your greatest ever but you will come off triumphant if you trust in a loving Heavenly Father and Savoir who love you and want ONLY the BEST for YOU and YOUR CHILDREN!!! It may not seem so now but
I promise and He promises that you will. Blessings to all of you!!!!!
Comment by Tammy Garrido on April 28, 2012 at 3:34pm
Thank u very much Margo!! Sorry for all of ur losses too. My middle daughter has been thru alot too...My then fiance (her Dad) was killed in an accident involving a semi and him..he was only 22 n my daughter was 3...she is now 13 but in Aug. 2010 she lost her Grandma(his mom) to a heart attack n then Mar. 27 2011 she lost her other Grandma(my mom) to suicide but yet she deals with all this better than me so I feel like I'm handling everything wrong!! Thanks again for ur encouraging words!! {Hugs}
Comment by Tammy Garrido on April 28, 2012 at 3:21pm
Thank u very much for ur kind words Meliza. I'm very very sorry for ur loss too. I feel the same way like I don't want my kids to have to deal with not having a Mom!! I hope it gets easier for both of us...it just doesn't seem real...I guess at least their pain is gone now but we all bare the terrible pain of losing them!!! I'm glad for this group!! Thanks again!! {Hugs}
Comment by Margo powell on April 28, 2012 at 11:23am
Meliza and Tammy,
Usually this site is much more active. There are some wonderful caring people that post here. Please don't despair!

Each of you are still in such a difficult stage of the grief and confusion that is to be expected following a suicide.
Life is tough without these losses to compound the struggles we all go through. Please stay strong, you will reach a turning point where even though you may never understand your loved ones suicide, you will realize life is too precious to follow in their footsteps.

Only God knows all things, He truly is your best source of peace and understanding and strength.

My heart hurts for both of you, When my daughter and I suffered the loss of 3 young friends to suicide within just a couple of months I was so distraught. They came on the tail of the death of her dad and my brother ( and numerous other deaths in a short period of time. Several other devastating experiences occurred I won't go into but I felt me life was a nightmare and that everything had completely fallen apart. I was a wreck!!!! It was the first time I felt I could understand how a person reaches the end of their rope.
I was on the verge of a total nervous breakdown. I knew I was barely keeping it together. If I hadn't had my faith in Jesus Christ and exercised it by praying constantly, I don't know how I would have survived!!! I made it through that crisis period just 6 months ago. It still isn't easy but there is a strength and ability to endure that only comes from God. I now have a new understanding.
Until we've gone through the fire we really don't see the value of these trials in our lives.
We are here on earth to learn and grow. The greater the trials the greater potential for growth.
One day, when we've endured them well the Lord will make all things right. Remember, He will be there to carry you when you feel you are too weak to make it on your own.
I'm praying that you will both be victorious in overcoming the challenges facing you as you move forward.
Peace be unto you! God Bless you both! Margo
Comment by Tammy Garrido on April 26, 2012 at 7:04pm
I am grateful to have stumbled on this support group cause it's been over a year since my Mom shot herself n I'm all screwed up still!!! I cry everyday n sometimes I miss her so much that I want to do the same thing she did. But I'm trying my hardest to hang on for my 3 kids!! It still seems so unreal and I'm having problems finding people who can relate n hopefully help me thru this grief
Comment by Daphne vaughn (Anthony's Mom ) on April 21, 2012 at 11:15pm

Dearest,meliza my heart breaks for you i hope you can find some peace and comfort here on this site we all know what your going through.as we have all been where you are.grief does strange things to us . i will keep you and those two small children in my prayers.may the lord bless and keep you .many hugs to you and the babies Daphne

Comment by Margo powell on April 21, 2012 at 10:09pm
Please Meliza, Whatever you do don't even consider trying to follow your boyfriend. Chance are the choice of where you go will be taken out of your hands. You have two small children that need you more than ever. They are young enough that you will be the one that teaches them how important they are and that their lives have great value, meaning and purpose. Your boyfriend must have been going through something that clouded his ability to see the reality of all the good things he possessed ( you and his children, family, etc, etc).

You have a difficult road ahead but you can be successful in overcoming this experience. It won't be easy but you will develop a strength you never thought you could harness. My advice in these situations is to turn your heart to the Lord, Jesus Christ. He can and will provide peace and strength to endure when you feel you can't go on. I hope you have family members and friend's that can provide the arms to hold you when you feel you are to weak to endure the heartache. Please don't let anger replace the love you felt for your boyfriend, even though that is a very real part of the grieving process.
it's to be expected but you need to stay strong for your little ones. You are the most important person in their lives. They will provide you with the love you need to get through this tragedy!
I will definitely be praying for you. The ladies and gentlemen on this site are wonderful, very wise and supportive. everyone has been deeply affected by the death of a loved one by suicide. God Bless you as you move forward. I wish I could take your pain away! Margo
 

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