talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.
Latest Conversations: Oct 16, 2021
Started by MJ. Last reply by MJ Apr 1, 2019. 3 Replies 0 Likes
Welcome Tiffany, I am so sorry for your loss. But I am happy you found your way here, where everyone knows exactly what you are feeling. I lost my partner of 24 years on Nov 3rd 2014. I want to start by saying what he did is not your fault or your families. I don't care what was going on, my partner had many things going on also. But they made a choice, and at that point in time, it is out of our hands and it is squarely in their hands their choice. Mine was addicted to opioids also, was in pain management, suffered from depression. It was all a vicious cycle. unfortunately and I know it's hard for you right now, but you will come to realize that no matter what you did, or what you would have said to him would not have mattered. When they make that choice it is to end their pain, they aren't thinking about where that pain is going to be distributed and unfortunately we are the ones that own that pain now. It is going to be a long road, I wish I could say it won't be, and you have a precious child that needs you. i am 4 years out and what I can say is, It does get better, there will be brighter days, we have all learned that we just have to ride the waves, let things happen as they will. And just know that you will be ok...
Well it's been quite a long time since I have posted here. And i am sorry about that. For all the new survivors that are here I am so very sorry for your loss. It was 3 years on November 4, 2017 that i lost my partner of almost 25 yrs to suicide. This has been the most challenging thing i have ever dealt with in my life. I have certainly had losses in my life, relatives Ect. But suicide death was a whole other thing, something I couldn't wrap my head around, and even to this day have moments of disbelief. I think for me and maybe you as well, what made things even worse were the things that happened after his death. Just the sheer cruelty of other people, and how in an instant you absolutely learn who your true friends are. Because the people I consider myself to be very close to are no longer in my life, and I am fine with that, and the people who I considered acquaintances are now my closest friends, They dropped everything and were at my side and the others just kind of disappeared...good riddance. Anyway I just wanted to say that after a little over 3 years out. Things are better, still have my days. They don't last as long anymore. What I have truly found is, I can look back at my relationship with him and enjoy the awesome memories with him, because there were many before it all went bad. The anger doesn't get in the way that much anymore, and believe me i was friggin so angry for along time. So if this is new to you, there is going to be a time when you see that light shine again, and it's going to be a process but give yourself a break..you never asked to be here in this place, it wasn't your fault. And that there will be better days I promise.
Well I haven't checked in in awhile, by the looks of my last post quite awhile, when i was talking about the first anniversary of my partner Randy's suicide. I have passed the 2nd anniversary date which was back in November, tomorrow is his or would have been his Birthday. That also seems to be a day of high anxiety for me. The 2nd anniversary was hard, didn't seem to be much different from the first. Maybe now not so much anger, well not at him anyway. Seems like I am still dealing with the aftermath of trying to get back on my feet...and at almost 61 this isn't how I imagined anything would be. But it is and we are all left to just try and pick up the shattered pieces and move forward...I won't say move on, because I know that for most that will never happen. I want to say life is getting better, but I'm not sure that's the right word. It's challenging and some days are fine and some days it's like nothing has changed at all and it feels like yesterday...But I think for the most part the yesterday Days aren't as common and the fine days are getting to be more the norm. I think we have a choice, which no one in this world besides someone else who is living it, we have a choice to live again. I made that choice and I struggle everyday to stay focused on that. For the new members I know where you are at this moment in this awful journey, but please know, that you will be ok...much love to you all.
Sometimes it hard to see the signs...I have learned not to be afraid to say " Are you suicidal?" - Proverbs 17:17
I'm so sorry about your loss Linda. I agree as coping with my sister Anne's suicide has been a mixture of so many emotions. We both had the challenge of battling mental illness. My sorrow is that I am still here while she is not. I try to rationalize out the reasons but that just gets me into a place of frustration. I cannot change the past. I must go on even though she is gone. We were sisters and I will always feel her with me. It's when I need her the most that I feel her near. And when I'm struggling to rise to the challenge of whether or not to react in anger or in kindness. Then I feel her with me. She was a kind person, compassionate to everyone she met. She poured out her caregiver talents in the role of nurse to me to the point of frustration at times. For both of us I think in retrospect. And yet, there were signs of anger when I look back on the times we spent together. I didn't realize at the time just how angry she was. That makes me sad. And then, I remember the good moments because there were good moments. I am accepting that my life is forever changed by her death. Changed. Different. Not the same. That is hard.
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