Hello,My brother was murdered nearly 5 months ago by his friend and roommate.  He was 29. He was shot in the head after a night of hanging out at the local bar, while he was lying in his bed with his girlfriend trying to sleep.  We have no idea why his friend murdered him other than jealousy/self esteem issues. Obviously these are not good reasons but the whole things feels like a terrible nightmare and there just are no reasons for it.  He owned the house in an upper class suburb and did not have any altercation with his friend that night.  The murderer was at my parents' house a week before, our whole family was there and we sang "Happy Birthday" to him.  We grew up with him, he was one of us. 

Not only am I dealing with the crippling loss of my little brother (4 years younger than me), but very soon the case will be going to trial.  the defendant  is charged with aggravated murder.  The prosecutors have evidence that his friend planned to kill him.  That fact alone just knocks me to the ground-  how could ANYONE want to hurt my innocent brother who was loved by all?  My family can't wrap our heads around it and I don't know if we ever will.  It's still a shock to me.  I ask myself constantly How?  Why??  He was a father of a six year old little angel, a brother, son, grandson, loved boyfriend.  He's the person who would give someone the shirt off his back, and he trusted his friends like nothing else.  And the person he was so kind to and tried to help out by letting him live there SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD.  Even now 5 months later those words cut through me like a knife.

Also his killer is out on bail right now-  in his parents' house.  He's dangerous and the people of our town are scared of him but he just gets to sit in there watching TV and eating and living with his family while my family is grief stricken.  It makes me sick that he is even out at all.  I know he's going away but with no prior offenses he will probably get the minimum sentence, and I prepared to be disappointed with that.   But i know our court system doesn't always do justice and you can't do anything about it.

The trial will no doubt be an emotional and stressful time for us all.  This is a small suburb where everyone knows everyone.  We KNEW the killer.  We know his parents.  We thought we knew him.  My brother's girlfriend and also best friend will be taking the witness stand.  My parents and my surviving brother will have to endure the trial also, as well as many extended family.

Does anyone who has had to go through this awful awful time have any advice for getting through this?  It it like a black cloud looming in front of me.  I want to get it over with and at the same time I want it never to come.

We don't have a date yet, but they think it will be in April or May bc the defense has been dragging their feet of course.  That will be 6-7 months after his death.

Any thoughts would be so greatly appreciated.  I am sorry that anyone else has had to go through this terrible thing. Thank you.

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Hi Lauren,

I am so sorry to hear about your brother and unfortunately, I can relate exactly to your story and concern for the coming trial.  On January 5, 2013, my little brother was shot in the face after a night out by a supposed friend.  It happened at the friends home and the friend was a police officer.  To compound the utter disbelief of this happening, this friend of my brother's had vacationed with my parents the year before and was close in the circle of people my brother regularly spent time with.  Our family has no answers and there are no reasons why this would happen except for the utter drunkenness and horrible choices this police officer made while in the company of my innocent little brother (who had been the designated driver and was not drunk).  My brother was a mechanical engineer and loved by so many people.  He was coming into his own and really shining as a professional and a man.

We are now finally facing this man every month in court during "status conferences" which is a horrible experience.  We have to sit feet away from the monster who took our brother and son for no reason and act normally.

The court experience has been frustrating and very slow for us.  Our prosecutor is wonderful and I encourage you to talk to your prosecutor as much as you can.  We are able to communicate with her and learn so much regarding the details of the case and what to expect at each conference.  If there is a trial, it will be this summer and it will be heart wrenching.  The police officer (who is no longer a police officer) who shot my brother is facing Murder 1 and Aggravated Manslaughter in the First Degree.  It literally does not even register in my brain when I hear these charges and know they have to do with my brother.

Court is especially difficult when you have no answers because you are not allowed to talk to or approach the defendant.  Our family simply sits in silence as a representation of our brother and son because he should still be here, facing this man himself.

I hope your experience in court is quick and if you learn anything, please share because I can also use support and guidance during this time.  

Losing my brother a year and 2 months ago still feels so fresh.  Court seems to tear open the shock and pain all over again each month.  Until this trial is over, our family is not able to have any closure.  

I am here if you need support and I thank you for sharing.


I am so sorry that you know all to well my family's suffering.  I am truly sorry for your loss and situation, as I know exactly what you have been going through as well.  It is just so sad that we had to lose our brothers to someone's loss of composure, momentary rage, asinine decision making- whatever you want to call it!   I know what you mean- it DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.  The fact that the man who did it was a police officer makes your story all the more baffling.  For an update on my court progress, the trial has still not been set and they continue to have "pre-trials" every month.  This means they bring him in and he sits there and my parents and the lawyers go there and the defense says it is not ready to go to trial.  VERY frustrating.  Our prosecutors have been awesome though.  They are telling us now that they don't expect it to go to trial until August-Sept of this year.  So more waiting.  Apparently a similar situation is unfolding in your case.   I hope that you can get the trial over with soon as well so your family can start to have some closure.  Let's keep in touch through this all and support each other.  You are the first person I have found that has almost the exact same story, unfortunately.  Thank you for commenting and hang in there.


We are meeting again at the end of this month and hopefully discovery will be complete and then they will begin motions before the court and set a trial date.  It is such a long process. David was killed in January 2013 so it has been 15 months so far for us.

It is amazing the similarities in our stories. I miss my brother every day and look for peace whenever I can.  I hope you are able to find some peace as well.

Take care,


I hope they can set a trial date for you soon so that you can get it done with.   I can't believe it has been that long.  It sucks that the defense can keep pushing it back, pushing it back as long as they want to, sort of.  My brother's killer is out on bail and although he is on house arrest, it's unnerving to the whole neighborhood that he is in his parents' house.  It really makes us mad that he gets to sit in there and watch TV, drink beer, whatever he wants to do.  But then again, I think he must be suffering already.  He can't go out anywhere, can't ride his motorcycle, etc.  He doesn't have any friends.  He's already suffering I guess.  We just had a pre-trial (that's our monthly meeting thing) and they have the list of defense witnesses so now they have until the end of May to do something and then they are supposed to set a trial date.  But then I am sure that one will get postponed too.  I am really hoping for this to happen this year at least bc I am getting married next spring and I was hoping to have the trial behind us at that point.  But we are not in control, you know? Yes it is amazing how similar our stories are.  I hope that the end of this month goes right for you.  Feel free to message me anytime.



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