When people tell you to get over your grief

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When people tell you to get over your grief

This is a group for people who are grieving, who have been mocked or ridiculed by friends or family, simply for grieving. I have been mocked ridiculed and screamed at because of my grief.

Members: 22
Latest Conversations: Jun 30

Discussion Forum

"Well-meaning doctors" and grief.

Started by Debra. Last reply by Jason R May 27, 2014. 2 Replies

I have actually had 2 doctors tell me that basically, its been awhile since my son died, and its time I moved on. At the time, on both occasions, I did not respond to what they said. I was shocked.…Continue

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Comment by Diamond on June 30, 2017 at 8:03pm

When you are told to get over your grief.....people do not know the impact it can have on how a person deals with grief down the road.  I was told basically to get over the grief of the death of my mother; now that I have lost my brother - I isolate myself so I can mourn my lost without smiling all day like a clown for the sake of being comforting to others without a sad face. 

I isolate myself and it works for me.  I do know not everyone can do such., and if I must be in the space of people - my visit is for the purpose and I leave immediately without explaining my grief to anyone.

I've learned that you are given about 2-3 days to get over your grief and then you have to move on.  Perhaps you do....but we all have to find a way to navigate around the pain in our life.  Our Heavenly Father is love and he expects us to exhibit the same love and patient toward each other. 

Comment by dream moon on June 4, 2015 at 12:05pm

why shud i get ovr it why shud i get over it i dnt wnt 2 get over it

why shud i be forsed 2 foget abot my dad i cnt i dnt wnt 2 foget thm

why is im not bean ga fair 2 thr fealng 

Comment by Petal Watson on May 26, 2014 at 12:13am

this follows on from comment below because it exceeded maximum characters:

  • she shouldn't have snuck up on me.
  • she showed NO gratitude that I'd just given her & her husband a thank you gift for helping me look for the watch my husband gave me
  • I run a health clinic on my own, as a doctor.  My husband was my receptionist.  
  • I had been doing heavy gardening the day before, and thought the watch must have slipped off my wrist (as I've lost alot of weight) and was scouring the grounds looking for it.  
  •  I had been up to 1am with a torch in the back garden the day prior to that to search for the watch, and then up at 5am the next day doing it again.  And then had to get ready for my patients, my clinic is an annex to my house, and at 8am after searching all hours for the watch due to doing heavy gardening the day before, I had to stop searching - so I phoned him as he was coming in later, as he's also kind of a friend, and asked him if he would check to see if it had fallen down at the mall where I parked my bicycle and was still there, or if someone turned it in to Mall lost and found.
  • the watch was in the kitchen on the floor, it had fallen down under a red mat between the dining room chair and the table, onto the floor and underneath!  
At least I got my watch back, it was a gift from my husband a decade ago, and a quite expensive watch, eco drive diamond watch.  But she is obviously worried about support from her husband, and doesn't care that I need people's support so has to portray me in a negative light.  Kick us widows whilst we're DOWN.  Nasty woman.  Of course I need male support - and it doesn't mean I'm after everybody's husband!
I was happily married, and she's a nasty cow.  I've had that type of thing happen so many times I can't count.  And I hate being a widow and being victimised by insecure wives. 

Comment by Petal Watson on May 26, 2014 at 12:12am
I don't know if this fits with the discussion, but it came straight to mind when I read this, so please bear with me...
I cycled on Sat. over to the grocery retail about 5 miles away from my home, bought a few groceries, and brought a bottle of wine over to one of my local patients to thank him, for helping me to try find my watch, I lost whilst heavy gardening.   It is a watch that my husband had bought for me.
Well I found the watch 2 days later someplace else. I was so happy, I felt I had to get him a thank you for being so kind as to help me.  So I cycled to the grocery store and bought him and his wife a bottle of wine.
I'd knocked their door, but no response so I began taking the wine out of my rucksack to leave at the door.  They hardly ever answer their door, and I was mumbling to myself , 'oh you probably won't be home again, and I'll just have to leave it here (or something)", and somehow she'd opened the door and was just standing staring, with her beady little eyes. She never said 'hello!' or let me know she was there!
Then I saw her and it startled me. I said "oh… you caught me talking to myself.  Actually your husband helped me to try and find my lost watch which I found (blank stare on her part).  And so I brought you two a bottle of wine to say thank you." 
She just stared.  Then with a very judgemental look & accusing tone, and totally taking me by surprise, she said, 'and how are you DOING?' .. I said, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  she said with pursed lips and very severe look, 'you know your health and such??' (meaning my MENTAL HEALTH?) 
Well I was on my bicycle, wasn't i?  But I failed to say that to her.  But I did say WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  She said about my 'health'.  I said instead, "well, what I really need is for people to come alongside me and spend TIME with me, not for people to pat me on the back and send me on my way".
Then when I got home I texted her husband to say that she had caught me talking to myself and it embarrassed me, but that I firmly knew (since there was no one else to talk to) that it was keeping me grounded.  But that I thought I'd better tell him, so that by the discussion at the end of the day he wouldn't think I'm crazy, though I may be well on my way!
He replied and said he talks to himself too.  Any wonder married to a cow like that? (continued in comment below)
Comment by cynthia Pearl on February 21, 2014 at 11:00am

I have to say that I get tired of people asking me how I am doing. I know that some of them really do care and say it out of love and concern but the truth is, that is not the question to ask someone who has lost a loved one, especially a child. I just tell them that that is probably not a question I need to be asked.  I watched a move on UP about a family that lost their son and when a neighbor asked her how she was, she replied, "How do you think I am doing, moron?  I am down a child!"

Comment by Janelle on February 4, 2014 at 2:46pm
Some people put a time frame on how I must move on, it seems the ones who do it, have not yet lost their mom,
I wonder how'll they'll feel when their loved ones time has come, will they remember when they said to me, " be over it be done"?
Comment by T.C. Goodwin on January 27, 2014 at 2:06pm

The process of grief/mourning is not the same in everyone. Unfortunately, it is hard for folks to understand. The holidays can be especially hard for some. I don't believe in  holding everything in. Seek out friends you can count on( Proverbs 17 :17)

Comment by Singing Rain on October 16, 2013 at 12:12pm

When I was a child I grieved for my mother because she was in so much pain all the time. I walked around like a zombie, but nobody reached out to me. I was totally anti social at the age of 8 and the teachers were angry at me about it. Such a total lack of compassion all these teachers had. If I was male I probably would have been one of those to buy a gun to shoot them.

Comment by Amelia R Chavez on July 18, 2012 at 7:00pm

How sad,people just do not get and they constantly asking How are you doing?I finally told one of my friends(not any more)How in the hell do you think I am!! my son is dead how do you fn think i doing?.Hugs and prayers to you Marsha.

Comment by Amelia R Chavez on June 16, 2012 at 12:28am

This is so true!!! This has happened to me several times.My own family has made comments you have other kids you need to move on.Thank god  that they are not in my shoes how in the hell do they think i should move on without my oldest son Johnny? He was the world to me,he was known as mamas boy by his friends he would say to them darn right.I miss my son so much!! 

 

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