first of all, this group and its support is truly amazing and has helped me to know that I am not alone in how I feel...my husband passed on December 22, 2011 so its been two months and every day has been a constant struggle...my time is not my own anymore and my days have become moments of getting by..it is so very difficult to explain to anyone who hasn't had a loss like this to help them understand where i am these days...they think I should move on, or not cry or just get over it because he wouldnt want me to cry..well dont i wish. The easiest i have come up with so far is this.."I am the eye of a tornado. Calm, standing still, no sound no movement but swirling around me is chaos, terror, fear, life as it is right now with the people and bs going on. If i remotely reach out then I am in an instant spinning out of control in a frenzy and there is no help. No return, no saving grace I just simply become an object of matter thrown into the universe and disposed of wherever I land. But they still dont graap where i am coming from. I am terrified of March 5th..this will be my husband and mines 5th wedding anniversary and i have no idea what i am supposed to do???? I want to celebrate in some way, but then again I am reminded of that special day and how I am now a widow...omg the tears and pain are unbearable just thinking of this day..any advice from those who have surpassed the first anniversary? any help is much needed 

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