My name is Alexandra and I lost the love of my life on 12/31/2012 to a horrible accident.

He was 32 I am 39 and had been together for 7 years 9 month 3 days and had planned on getting married eventually. He asked me to marry him several times over the years and i always said yes but in the end we thought we had all the time in the world. I mean we were supposed to grow old together for crying out loud.

He was a wonderful amazing funny happy generous gorgeous handsome sweet man and he loved me unconditionally all flaws included. He captured my heart within days of meeting him and we were inseparable from then on. He stole my heart and I was happy to give it to him.

He is my Love, My Life, my Person, my best Friend,  my Soul Mate, my Everything.....

I still cannot believe he is gone. Most days it feels so unreal, like a bad dream I am hoping to wake up from. Other days it feels like our relationship was so far in the past or worse not real at all. Like I have just been remembering this wonderful movie I watched, not remembering the life I really had. If that makes any sense.

Life just does not have any meaning anymore. I wake up, I go to work, I pay the bills, I survive day after day. While all along crying , screaming, venting, begging for his return, some days even thinking I hear him come up the steps walking into the house any minute. 

I want him back. I don't want to live any longer without him. He promised he would always be there for me and never ever leave me. He was there for me in good and bad times, stood by my side through medical issues, being broke and jobless and many other trials of life. No matter what happened he was always the one thing I could count on in life. And now he is gone............

I feel like someone has torn half my body parts from me and left me standing lost in a dark forest, bleeding from my wounds, wounds to big to ever heal. Waiting for the wildlife to smell the blood and finish of the rest of me.Gosh I wish someone would.....

On top of everything I am in a court battle with his "mother" , yes I use the term loosely, because she took all decisions from me ( no marriage yet) and decided she was going to not only donate his body to science but also "throw away" his remains. I asked her for them since she did not want them and she took me to court....So here I am...

Sorry for the long rant, and if your still reading this, thank you.

I am lost and I don't know what to do now...

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Alexandra, I'm so sorry for your lost, I certainly understand your pain. Your still raw and in shock. But you have to take baby steps. Cause its one step forward and five steps backwsrds. But your in a great direction cause your talking about what your feeling.so keep posting and my prayers are with you


janeo said:
Alexandra, I'm so sorry for your lost, I certainly understand your pain. Your still raw and in shock. But you have to take baby steps. Cause its one step forward and five steps backwsrds. But your in a great direction cause your talking about what your feeling.so keep posting and my prayers are with you
Alexandra, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my everything 5 months ago. Our stories sound similar. Bobby and I met and on our 3rd date he asked me to marry him. We had ups and downs like everyone,but we always had each other and as long as we had that we would be fine. So you have the same question that I have now..... How do things get back to ok when the person who always made it ok is gone? As far as his mother, I have issues as well. Not to your extent,but my in laws do not talk to me really. We got into a huge fight. So now I've not only lost him, but a whole family. I pray that you will be able to have something of your other half, but know this, no matter what people will or will not let you have YOU have his heart and soul.

Alexandra. i wanted to share my deepest condolences to you on losing your loved one.  sounds like you loved him a lot.  I want to share something i learned with you that helped me immensely deal with the loss of my grandmother, who raised me.  The hope is in the Bible at John 5: 28, 29 and Revelation 21; 3, 4.  You can see Bobby again.   If you are (or not) a Bible reader please check out these scriptures (there is an online Bible at jw.org). As I mentioned before, this hope that God promises helped me cope with my loss and I hope this gives you a little comfort too.  I will keep you in my prayers.  Jennifer 

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