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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele yesterday. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Frances C Younger on July 15, 2019 at 10:09pm

OK Steven, I so agree.  My Dad was the minister.  lol  In truth, Dad loved people and was preaching what was acceptable at the time.  I am a few years younger, 68, married 3 times, divorced once.  I lost my   Larry after 20 years, and recently Vaughn after 14.  Aie, he promised to grow old with me.  I still believe his spirit is here, or he drops in on a regular basis.   

He was my best friend and we had a lot of conversations about religion too.  We both believed in God, but dared to question.  He was thrown out of a church for asking if the children of Adam and Eve committed incest. lol        Oh those Churchians!!!    

I too questioned everything, and was in a constant battle with my mom on religion.  OK, maybe I was a little - strong-willed was their word.

We connect on another level Steve.  My life has been blessed but hard at the same time.  Vaughn and I had temporary custody of my grand kids.  I still have 2 little boys, and an 18 year old with me.  So difficult after Vaughn died and I was so dysfunctional.  I gave up the teen age girl because her behavior was too much for me.  

I think their are many mysteries too.  I also write.  Coming here for comfort helped me put my emotions in words, and I knew you all were on that same path.  Finally, I am back to writing which was more of a hobby, but I am writing for children now and hoping to be published.  Be nice to have the income.

Comment by Steve G. on July 15, 2019 at 7:31am

Frances,

You are correct, as a young child though I questioned everything and got the standard response "It's what the Bible says" you should not question such things.  In other words, be quiet and don't cause problems.

My past has defined me, grief has been an unwanted companion of mine from the time I was 5 months old and lmy sister was 4 yrs old when our mother died.  I was raised by my grandparents, and my sister stayed with our father until I was 6 yrs old, then became a pawn of my father.  He had remarried and wanted me back.  The story is a long one and sad for all of us.  In the end, things got to a point when my half sister was born.  Long story short, both my sister and I were given legal custody to our grandparents.

As time marched on my grandparents passed, then my sister when she got pancreatic cancer.  She was 50 and I was 46.

My questions never got answered to my satisfaction, when I lost Mark in 2014 all of that past came up and out.  I am now 72 and because of my grief, I began to look back and I found Legacy, I found a Church non-denominational, very small and LGBT.  That was a starting point, a small group of us started a bible study group.  This one did not just read text and ask "how or what does that say to you".  The gentleman running this was an ordained Methodist minister, he too was interested in all of the questions that are not spoken about, looking up the original text in the original language.  He was well versed in research and used a Lexicon to assist.  

There are more mysteries in this world and I find writing and research as my outlet. 

Comment by Frances C Younger on July 14, 2019 at 8:54pm

Steve, I agree with you as well.  We were taught out parent's faith.  Now, we see different and are more free to discuss it.  I am non-denominational, but a follower of the teachings of Christ.  At the same time, am I am sure you are by how you post, I read and question a lot.

Comment by Frances C Younger on July 13, 2019 at 10:25pm

Mary Jane, I am going to check that book out.  Hope I don't forget the writer's name.  i just finished How the Bible Actually Works, by Peter Enns.  It was good.  He talks about the Bible being mostly a book of wisdom.  You all might like to check it out.  I remember being told about the King James Bible and how proud the King was to have his name on it.  

Comment by Frances C Younger on July 13, 2019 at 10:12pm

Yep Steve, you get an A from this teacher.  I actually ran across something the other day about the word 'nice'.  

Comment by Steve G. on July 13, 2019 at 12:42pm

One of my favorite movies is on "On a clear day you can see forever".

I have read many books about re- incarnation and I have also read the Bible many times, but never bothered to consider researching.  Simple things like words we see in printed form, that did not exist 2000 years ago.  The other part was the context and history thru the years to today.

King James ordered his scribes to translate a 13th century Catholic Bible from latin into old english of his time and he choose what to leave in and what to take out.  He wanted his subjects to read and understand the bible.

History is full of mis- interpretations, these are my own assumptions based on my own research.

All of the original writtings perished when the Romans burned and pillaged Jerusalem.  Plenty of copies were held in secrete and these were the basis of what we have today.

Each year the english language adds about 1500 new words as pur society changes.  Also, we have words that have many different meanings, depending on the context in which they are used.

Take the word nice...in Victorian times, persons not wishing to say anything bad about someone, would refer to them as "nice".  Not very flattering, today we use it to describe things we like.

Sorry...i digress sometimes... 

Comment by Frances C Younger on July 13, 2019 at 11:12am

Steve, I agree with you as well.  We were taught out parent's faith.  Now, we see different and are more free to discuss it.  I am non-denominational, but a follower of the teachings of Christ.  At the same time, am I am sure you are by how you post, I read and question a lot.

Comment by Frances C Younger on July 13, 2019 at 11:08am

I believe as you do Mary Jane.  Believe it or not, I did dream about him last night!!!  He was trying to get me a ring to make me happy.  :\End result, I told him we were still married.  

My good news is I did finally send two children stories to an agent. That does not mean she can sell them, but I have got back into writing.  Trying to get to a satisfying new norm.

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 13, 2019 at 11:04am

Steve, your experience is AWESOME and I KNOW you had been there b4 in a different life! 

In 1967 Idiscovered Edgar Cayce...and read about re-incarnation for the first time. It was like something clicked into place. Even as a small child, attending Sunday school, heaven and hell never made sense to me...but THIS did. Finally! I will skip the details...life went on, and I embraced this new belief..but a few years ago I tried to re-read books about him..and they seemed too clinical.and hard to read with my old eyes. Fast forward to last August, where a friend gave me a book..written by a psychologist named WEISS...called Many Lives, Many Masters. It is still on the best selerliston Amazon after 25 years.....A lady had come to him for some health problems..and he uses hypnosis with his patients, but when he hypnotized her...she went to past lives! Lots of past lives. He was NOT a believer at the time...but she was able to describe time periods, clothing, housing, many many things that could be verified...he had never entertained this idea...

the book is RIVITING!!!  He has since had hundreds of  patients who have done the same thing .but the point is, ALL of them declare that in each life, they are with the same people!  Sometimes the rolls are different, ie: a mother in one life, might be a sister or a father in another...but in every life each person he put under had the exact same experience, of being with loved ones in each life. Even people who were not family etc...it is hard to explain...but each time period and experience was seriously researched and found to be accurate. There were different time periods, countries etc...so much detail that was checked out and found to be accurate. So we are with the same people throughout eternity...I urge everyone to read this book..and he has written several more on the same subject, but this first one is still top of the list. The library might have it, or Amazon has it on its best seller list..andthe things from past lives DO affect other lives...one patient had an eating disorder...couldn,loose weight and when hypnotized  it was discovered she had  starved to death in a few of her past lives..this is waaay too much to te and tell here..so go check it out. Amazon lets u read pages in the book...ok I am done for now...

Comment by Steve G. on July 13, 2019 at 7:22am

Mary Jane,

Your beliefs are not worrisome or strange, life itself is a complete mystery to me.  My thoughts these days tells me that I have learned a great many lessons and I believe that is why we are who we are.  There are many mysteries in this life if we just take time to notice them, there are more grains of sand on any beach than the mystery's of this world.  Helps me to accept the fact that I do not have "all the answers".  

Once when I was 19 and in the US Navy, my ship pulled into a small town in Italy, San Remo.  As soon as I stepped onto the land, a kind of shock wave went thru me, I felt as if I had been there before, I was familiar with the city and it's streets instantly.  My shipmates with me asked "what's wrong", I said nothing, let's get something to eat.  One asked where, so I said follow me.  We found ourselves in a local restaurant off the beaten path of tourists and had one of the best 6 course meals ever!  In the window was a sign that said Tourist special today (in English) $2.00 American.  Of course my shipmates were surprised and delighted that I found this place and all of them said surely you have been here before.  I kept my secret by saying that my Uncle had been to this same town when he was in the Navy (which was a secret little lie).  I felt at home there and to this day the memories of our 1 week stay there will forever haunt me.  I believed then and now, the memories must have been from a previous life, although it went against all the religious teachings I had as a child.

The most important lesson any one of us can have is learning to Love one another as we love ourselves and to pass it forward.  Who knows, we may be passing someone who just needs someone to smile and say hello.  I believe anything and everything is possible and we make the choices we do to learn from our highs and our lows.

So take heart dear sister, we are never really alone.  I am so happy for your dream and hearing Bob's voice.    

Hugs

Steve

 

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