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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1378
Latest Conversations: Mar 31

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Suzanne on July 4, 2010 at 9:00pm
Has anyone heard of a hotline for the depressed. I just all of a sudden start sobbing even though it's been over 5 months. I can't stop and while I know I won't harm myself I just can't stop myself from knowing I can't live without him one more day, one more minute, and I will stop crying eventually but all this sadness everyone is going through is so hard to live with. I sit there watching TV alone after doing the laundry (I once did it for the both of us) putting the clothes away, having my own dinner alone, and then the tears start. I am so tired of the tears. I heard before they are supposed to be cleansing, but it only makes me feel worse when I can't stop. That's ok, it comes and goes, I'll get over it. Hope everyone else is ok.
Comment by Joan on July 2, 2010 at 10:48pm
To Liz: Never hide your grief. Never hold it back from loved ones or friends. They will think you are stoic and removed from the deep pain you are trying to hide. Let it reveal itself when it rears is grieving head. Never let anyone know you are handling things when you are not. It's a lie to you and a lie to your family. You need their support now more than ever. Let them know you are human and that you are needy because you loved someone so much you are grieved and grieving. It 's the human thing to do not to stuff it down where it will hurt you. Think about this and make sure your grieving is authentic to the loss of your loved one. He or she deserves that much of your love and devotion. If you have loved deeply, you will grieve deeply. I know. I am there right now and I grieve openly because I loved my John above all else. Please don't cut yourself from your humanity. Seek God and seek peace from Him, the prince of peace. Joan
Comment by deborah diggs on July 2, 2010 at 9:08pm
Hi everyone,
My Byron died march 16, 2010. I know you all know what this feels like. I have all the big understandings and have heard all the platitudes, and I have a lot of rationale about why my husband died at 51 and left me a widow at 48. Bottom line I miss him, I cant turn off my mind, I cant stop longing for him, I cant stop the pain. Reason and rationale have no place here. We want our spouses back. I truly did not want my husband to suffer, but I didn't want any of it to happen. I wish he didnt have ESRD, I wish he didnt get an infection, I wish he didn't have a heart attack and then a stroke within days of each other, I wish the antibiotics could have stopped the sepsis...I miss the smiles, the underwear on the bathroom floor after his shower, I miss him watching sports all day long, i miss our dates, I miss all the stuff that annoyed me.(smile). His birthday is this month, and so is our anniversary....This weekend is so hard....We always spent time together...Atlantic CIty ,Inner Harbor,Maryland, Upstate New york,,or anywhere as long we were together. i cant shut off my mind...The memories are so painful!!!!!!!! beautiful but painful...I will pray for you all,,,pray for me...I sometimes wish I were not here anymore....But each morning I wake up and gfet back to doing this life thing without him. SOOO hard.
Comment by Donna Bills on July 2, 2010 at 8:33pm
Dear Nina pain never goes away and even though you try really hard to pretend things are ok they never are it has been 3 years since my husband died and I haven't cried since the day he died. I find it hard even to wake up in the morning
Comment by Donna Bills on July 2, 2010 at 8:30pm
I lost my husband and we weren't even married 4 years yes I do feel lost and lonely and I don't want to even particpate in anything any more.
Comment by kathleen caylor on July 2, 2010 at 11:44am
As hard as I try not to be sad,Something comes along and pulls the rug out from under me.Mom and I went to the grocery store this morning.When I get home ,I find #2 son in his dad's workshop crying his eyes out!He say's "I was hoping I wouldn't get caught!"I come home everyday to face the emptiness,I guess it's still a shock for him.Just makes me sad to see my kids like this.I deal with my grief much better than watching theirs'.Somebody told me once,your dad is your first hero.I wish I could take their pain away.
Comment by Teresa on July 2, 2010 at 9:47am
I haven't quite figured this out, but I read that someone was having their 21st Wedding Anniversary. I am so sorry for your loss. I was only married 7 months when I lost my beloved husband. So, when the one year anniversary came around, I went out to eat with our Best Man and Matron of Honor. I also bought myself an Anniversary present, something I had always wanted (a jukebox, table top). I put an article in the Celebrations section of the newspaper. And last but not least, I planted a beautiful palm tree. My husband was an arborist, so it seemed like the perfect thing to do. I find all the firsts are hard....but a missed Anniversary after 21 years must feel really bad. I liked what my girlfriend said after some time of morning the death of her husband. She announces from now on, I will celebrate my husbands life, and not his death. We all know our mates would want us to go on living. My beloved husband loved life and fought so hard to live even with the excruciating pain he was in. I want to just pull the covers over my head and not get out of bed, but I tell myself, after having the privelege of being his wife, and his fine example, I have to get out of bed and do something constructive with my life. And along the way, I have experienced some joy, and a feeling that my husband would be proud of me for moving on with my life.
Comment by Connie Berry on July 1, 2010 at 11:51pm
It has been 8 months since the death of my husband and the pain of that loss is just as fresh as the day I lost him. A part of me is missing and I don't know how to get it back. Eric, was my life it's so hard to get through each day without him. The memories and his picture in a frame is all that I have left. I miss his smile, his sense of humor, the scent of his cologne. Lord I ask, when will the pain go away, the answer ... it never does. I just want my husband back, for all of this just to be a terrible nightmare were I'll wake and he'll be by my side. To all of you that are hurting as I am I send you a hug. God Bless
Comment by kathleen caylor on July 1, 2010 at 6:23pm
My husband's ex boss called the other night.Asked if I would like to go out with a friend of his.After a pause,I said I just don't have the energy for a new relationship.It feels like too much work.I wouldn't mind just hanging out with a group and having a few beers but the idea of a date scares the cr-p out of me.I know I wouldn't do anything but talk about Ernie,I'm sure that would be fun!
Comment by kathleen caylor on July 1, 2010 at 6:17pm
Yaca,A day you can't forget and no one else remembers!!It does make you angry.
 

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