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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Charles on February 9, 2010 at 3:21pm
Lois,
I had time to prepare for my wifes death, She and I were able to talk about it for 13 years and even her last 24 hours.Guilt is still with me.This or that on and on.She is gone and I cannot bring her back.
We don't want to accept it but you are so correct, We will never know in this lifetime.
My wife, who was my soul mate, my best friend, my everything is gone from this life as we know it.
We all want that one more touch, that one more moment in time that one more hug.
I do know now that we all grieve in our own way.We may like to think we are in more pain and grief than anyone else and no one understands what we are going through... But thats just not true.
Life goes on- Its up to us to do what we want to with it.
In my first post here I said when my wife took her last breath I wished I had took mine as well.At times I still feel that way.
I did not take my last breath yet.Until i do I will remember that wonderful woman and make my life as best as I can.
What else can we do??
Comment by Walter Crowley on February 9, 2010 at 11:45am
I had the privilage of spending the last ten years of my life with her, she passed away Dec. 23, the entire affair was unexpected and came out of nowhere so we thought. The entire situation was tramatic and heart rendering. I know it has changed me, in what ways, I'm not sure, but I know it has! I had always assumed to be the first to leave this earth and in fact hoped that to be the case so I wouldn't find myself in the situation I'm currently in....(hell on earth). Having read many of the stories herein I can see alot of the same emotions and experiences being conveyed by everyone. Unfortunately it doesn't do much for those of us who wish with all of our being for just one more touch, one more sound, one more chance to hold them and this time never ever let go. Every tear that falls from my face carries with it a memory of love, laughter, and even anger. It has become a river that will forever flow. I now find myself with questions that I can find no answers to. Question of God, the afterlife, and mostly if it is in fact so, is she ok. It's the not knowing that bothers me most. The obvious questions of guilt have their place too. Why couldn't I fix this, stop it, did I do the right things, what could I have done to make it ok again. I do however know one thing for sure... I hate this entire situation! Liz honey, I Love You and Miss You So.
Comment by KarenV on February 8, 2010 at 11:10pm
Good evening everybody! I lost my husband of 28 years in October 2009 on on his 62nd birthday. I cry almost everyday, I miss him so much. My daughter found this sight for me in hopes it might help with words of wisdom from others.
Comment by Gladys on February 8, 2010 at 9:49pm
hi everyone...my spouse passed june 2009...i still cry, i still hurt and i understand the msgs i have read since coming on to this website regarding your feelings...thank God for those feelings....
Comment by ellen on February 8, 2010 at 7:56am
I lost my husband 12/15/09 and am not handling it well. I do go to counceling and a group at Church. Nothing makes me feel better. I just want to give up at times. I can't watch TV or listen to music. Even going to the store is hard for me. He was also the cook so I have that and my house needs work that he used to take care of which I would like to sell but can't. I am overwhelmed by it all and I understand how you feel.
Comment by brenda horne on February 6, 2010 at 7:05pm
suzanne i know how you feel believe me i lost my high school sweetheart that i was married to 32 years in feb. 2008 the 16th of this month will be two years everywhere i go it feels like i am the only single person their everyone else is couples this is at church or out to restaurants anywhere i go all my friends still have their husbands mine had to die at age 51 it is not fair i find myself depressed now i could stay in my bed all day and alot of times i do since i am now also unemployed it has not gotten much easier for me a little maybe but not alot i miss him so much and since he died two days after valentines day i hate this time of year it is the hardest we have two daughters and the oldest one 23 is expecting our first grandchild in june and we just found out it is a boy me & my husband always talked about how much fun we weould have with grandchildren and now he will not be here to enjoy him i feel guilty because i am still here sometimes i wish i were gone so i could maybe be with him i will soon be seeeing a pschologist to help me deal with my feelings i wish i had words to tell u it will soon be easier i am sorry i dont because i am not there yet dont think i ever will be remember i feel your pain
Comment by brenda horne on February 6, 2010 at 6:29pm
Jayne i am so sorry to hear about your husband i know how you feel i lost my husband of 32 years to cancer in 2008 the 16th will be 2 years it is so hard we were so close he depended on me for certain things and i have since found out how much I depended on him i miss him everyday in two years it has gotten a little easier but not alot i am so depressed that I will soon be seeing a psycologist some of the things that happened during his sickness and death i can get past alone i need someone to talk to that can help me i live in north carolina my name is Brenda i am on face book aLso so if u ever wanna talk to me directly leave a note for me at either bereaved spouses or facebook remember i really know how u feel its Hell
Comment by benita tyson on February 6, 2010 at 11:23am
I understand how you feel. My husband and I were married only 7 years when he was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer. It has been 3 1/2 months and it gets harder every day. I wanted forever but I got what God had in mind and I have to accept that even though it doesn't make it any easier. I make it through by talking to Guy every day and telling him goodnight every night. I still tell him I love him and miss him every day.
Comment by Glenda F. Camp on February 5, 2010 at 8:07pm
Jayne, I live in VA also. This snow mess is not making the grief process easy. My husband, the one true love of my life, died on November 10, 2009. We had 26 beautiful years together and were rarely apart. We worked together. We played together. I cannot imagine my life without him. If there were some comforting words to find, I would certainly share them with you. When you have lost your real soul mate, it is very difficult to go about your daily routine when everything you do and everywhere you go remind you of him. Someone suggested to me that each day I devote a certain period of time thinking about him and mourning him. Then when tempted to continue being miserable the rest of the day, make a conscious effort to stop. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. The important thing to recognize is that everyone grieves at his or her own pace. I don't know that there are any comforting words to offer other than to say that I understand what you are feeling and going through. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Let me hear from you as you make your way through this difficult journey. Glenda
Comment by Janice Jones on February 5, 2010 at 6:44pm
Jayne, I know exactly how you feel. My husband was killed in a wreck a yr. & half ago and it is still so hard. I feel as if I died that day too! Sometimes I wish I had. We were soul mates and best friends too. You will go through the motions of living for a long time. I still am. People have told me the same thing. Be happy you had that kind of love because so many never do but that doesn't make it any easier. We were supose to grown old together. I still have a hard time seeing people holding hands. We always did. I live in North Carolina and I have heard on the weather channel how bad it is up your way. I wish I could tell you that it will get better but I still have a horrible time. Coming home to an empty house, no one really worrying about me when I go out. Life is not fair and it is so hard. Everyone says there is a reason too, well it would be nice to know the reason that I am left here so lonely and suffering. I can never see another man taking my husbands place either. He was one of a kind. I will pray for you and hope you pray for me. Write me. Jan
 

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