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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

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Comment by kathleen caylor on January 7, 2010 at 8:45am
Ann,you know the same thing happened to me.I thought I was o.k.then everything came crashing down.It was as if the whole mourning process was starting over again.I feel for you.Such emotions!Grief and Gratitude!So torn between the two.Kathy
Comment by Ann on January 6, 2010 at 11:02pm
I've cried more in the last few days than I did during the time surrounding my husband's passing 10 months ago. After being blessed with 51 years of marriage, it's like a huge part of me is just gone and has left a big hole in my heart. I think about all of you and pray that God will give us some peace.
Comment by janice on January 6, 2010 at 5:10pm
I just need to tell someone and I don't have anyone I can tell who would understand. I dreamed I was missing my husband so much I was crying and crying and begging him to come back. I can't even sleep without missing him. 48 years together and don't know how to make it.
Comment by Wendela on January 3, 2010 at 10:05am
My sister loaned me a book called SEVEN CHOICES: Taking the Steps to New Life After Losing Someone You Love, by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, Ph.D. Neeld is a former professor and speaker about grief, and she herself lost her young husband and has walked our path. Her 7 steps are:
1. Impact
2. The Second Crisis
3. Observation
4. The Turn
5. Reconstruction
6. Working Through
7. Integration

I haven't finished it yet, but it looks good so far, so I thought I'd share.
God bless us all, and congratulations to us for making it through Christmas! One breath at a time.
Comment by benita tyson on January 2, 2010 at 7:52pm
My husband of 7 years died on October 17,2009. He was buried on Oct.20.2009. We met online and he turned out to be my best friend and soul mate. He was so wonderful to me and my 2 children. Guy was diagnosed with lung cancer on12/19/08. He went through all his treatments, radiation and chemo. He fought so hard to live and worked so hard to keep going. I miss him more and more every day and sometimes I don't think I can make it. I know I have to for the sake of my children, but sometimes it is so hard. I talk to him every day and at night I tell him how much I love him and miss him. I have lost the will to really do anything. I have to work but it is really hard to go through day to day things and make it through without breaking down.
Comment by Deb on January 2, 2010 at 2:13pm
Hi. I am new here, and at least I know that I am not the only person grieving the loss of their love! I lost my fiance on June 20, 2009, to colon cancer. Ours is a great love story--we had known each other for more than 40 years as friends. My marriage ended in divorce in 2002, his marriage ended with his wife's death in early 2007. We had not talked in a while, but he called me shortly after his wife's death. We went to dinner two days later -- from that date on, we spent every day together!! We talked, laughed, and completely enjoyed each other. He was diagnosed with colon cancer 10 months after we began dating. We planned to marry early June this year. Needless to say, his medical condition worsened very quickly and we had hospice in our home by early June. I have been told "just think how you would feel if you had been married for 20 years (30 years, etc)". I don't think my "miss" is less because we had been dating for a short time--2 years!! He was my soulmate, my lover, my best friend . . we had so much fun traveling together, fishing and hunting together, just being together!! I can only thank God for the time that we had together--he is/was the love of my life!! My ex-husband died less than one month prior to my fiance's death. Hopefully 2010 will be a much better year, and I can learn to live with the many wonderful memories I have with my fiance!! He and I loved each other completely and had a great romance together!! It still does not stop my missing him, the tears, nor my broken heart. I know that he would not want me to be unhappy at all, but it just seems that the hurt gets deeper as time goes by. Wishing you all a very blessed, happy New Year!!
Comment by kathleen caylor on January 2, 2010 at 7:56am
Here's something the victim's advocate gave me.A little booklet ,"If only someone Understood My Grief"
In it I found this passage "In all things gratitude.It is difficult at times to find a reason to be grateful,and this is one of those times.But this grief is also a gift that reminds us of our capacity to love and be loved.Grief is borne of the loss of human relationship;the deeper we haved loved,the deeper the grief.None of us would ever relinquish the privilege of having loved,the gift of having held,cherished,and cared for the other.So with hearts filled with pain,and eyes filled with tears,we nonetheless give thanks for the incredible of love that will be ours for the rest of our days."Somehow i find this comforting.I don't know if it will help anybody else,but I hope so.
Comment by Andrea on January 2, 2010 at 1:58am
Just one more thing.. I've talked to a grief counselor and I've found that the answers are within me. I know that the tears will come and go and that life moves on regardless of how we all feel. Life is so harsh and unfair sometimes. But I know that love crosses all boundaries. I know he felt my love as I did his. I have to be content with that. My mental and physical health must now be a routine for me. My old routines are gone. It's a new year and all has changed. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and I know it sounds corny, but too bad! Chuck loved us, he loved life, laughing and he had love to share. He's gone, but there is much life left in me. I'll laugh again and I'll smile again because I must and because I want to. happy new year all.
Comment by Andrea on January 2, 2010 at 1:50am
I thought I would breeze through New Years. But it hit me like a bus that he's gone. I miss him so very much. He loved me completely. I was a lucky woman. I broke down today and sobbed and now I cant seem to stop. When will the saddness go away? I need to be ok again. I have to work and I need to be normal for my kids. I miss you Chuck.
Comment by Marie Farmer on January 1, 2010 at 10:21pm
I lost the love of my life on October 28, 2009. We knew that his time was almost up, but I though that we had more time to be together. He kept telling me over the past few years that he had everything set up so that when his time came that I would be taken care of and have a place to live. I should have checked things out closer. Their was no life insurance to bury him with or to pay our home off. In less than six weeks after my husband's death, the mortgage company put me out of our home. I was just all beside myself, no where to live, I was lose big time. Our children, family, friends, and our church has been very supportive and caring. They have all watched over me like a hawk. I have finally moved into HUD low income housing. I am not a happy person for now, but I am trying to keep on going with my life. I cry a lot, and do not sleep much. I set and wonder does it ever get any better as time goes by. Sam was my best friend, my buddy, my partner, my lover, and my husband. I keep asking myself and God does the hurting every stop. I pray a lot for God's help, and they are days that I do not even want to get out of bed. Some days I would just like to pull the bed covers over my head and forget that the world even was here, but I know that I can not give up my life has to go on, and I know that Sam would not want me to make myself sick over losing him. Their are times when I think that I can feel his present here with me. I miss him so much. Everyone please keep me in your prayers. Sam was 68 years old when he die. Cancer and COPD had no mercy on him. He lived one year and nine months after they found his cancer. God I miss him. Marie Farmer
 

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