Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by alan demetri on February 19, 2010 at 11:22pm
Hi everyone this is more of a question then a comment,I know meany of you have resent loses,but im needing two know if there is anyone who is looking a year are more out from the loss of there love'd one.Next month well be two years i went though the frist year in a fog but the closer i get to march 17 the worse i feel.WHAT do i do on that day i have had at least two dreams about my wife this month alone ,i only had that happened one are two times in the two years scince her death.I know it sounds crazy but it's what happened.I don't know if i should go to the grave sight or just try not think about it.I grew up in the military and was never close to any of my family so i never had someone i realy love'd die so loseing my wife was my frist experance with death.I can't make up my mind what to do on that day it's bad anoff i have to live in the same house she die'd in.Iv thought about getting a motel for that night so any suggestions about what i should do that day would be useful im and i would be greatful. alan d.
Comment by Mary on February 19, 2010 at 11:20pm
My husband of 29 years just passed away. No grief support group at my church so I am looking ...
Comment by Helen Carll on February 19, 2010 at 5:18pm
Today our house was sold which we owned for less than four years. It caused us a lot of worry and expense and although it was a good looking house, we did not enjoy it as much as we should have. We moved from the country (owned over 5 acres of land) to be closer to our doctors and hospitals. And the sorry part of that was it made no difference in extending Jim's life. We had a very bad experience with his doctors and the hospital when Jim was there last, but I will save this story for another time. I am still grieving after almost 9 months because I lost my companion and closest friend and I still remember what we were doing a year ago. For instance, we would be in Florida right now enjoying better weather than where I am now. We were being going out to dinner, the movies, senior expos and still sightseeing after 15 years of going there. My heart is breaking and I do not know what I can do, except pray to God that Jim comes back to me in good health. I know that seems silly, but I do believe in miracles. Then I think - how will he feel knowing the house is gone although we talked about selling. He finally decided that it would be better if we stayed in this house because he knew that his time was short. I am crying right now thinking about my adorable husband. Please don't leave me Jim. I am lost without you.
Comment by Star on February 19, 2010 at 10:24am
Marta, it's been 2 weeks and I also don't feel my hubby like I thought I would. Everyone is telling me that now I have someone to watch over me, but I really am having a hard time accepting that b/c I don't feel that he's here. But sometimes when I get in a car and the first song that comes on is one that he used to sing to me or I to him, it makes me think that he's near even though I cant feel him. Which makes me happy and sad at the same time. I really don't know what signs to look for, but believe me I'm looking hard. I just need some comfort, I guess, in knowing that even though he's not here physically he didn't leave me completely.
Comment by Katy on February 18, 2010 at 9:37pm
hi all

kathleen, lois, and tom, thank you for responding.

this, to me, is a safe place to go. it is safe to vent and feel hurt frustrated sad, and depressed. i find myself checking in every evening, and i read every email i receive and really take in what that person's story is, and respond. this has helped me immensely. i was just so, you know, depressed, and within my own misery that night. i know i want a quick fix, and i know even more there is none. none here, or anywhere.

waking up every day and feeling nothing is so hard. at least, after 6 weeks, i dont wake up and have to think for a few moments, 'is this real, did this happen, yep it did', then bury myself under for a few more hours. now, i wake up and think, 'is this real, did this happen, yep it did', then i lay there and stare for quite some time before i get up. they say that is progress.

thank you all so much for being here.

i am sorry for my cynical sorry attitude.
Comment by Chris B on February 17, 2010 at 9:46pm
I don't know about anyone else, but for me there are times that I just need to say how I'm feeling, to an audience that might have a chance of understanding, because gods know my friends can't. And I wouldn't wish for them to. So I don't want to burden them with how miserable I'm feeling having lost the love of my life and the man I spent the past 17 years of my life with. I don't want to upset them about the days that it feels like there's a hole ripped in my heart that I doubt will ever be filled. I don't want them to try to imagine "what it feels like", because even if they do try to imagine it, it pales in comparison to the reality.

Only people who have been there can understand, and there are times I just need somewhere that I can post how much I'm hurting without feeling like I'm interfering with someone else's "happy ever after". For the most part, I restrict it to my blog, but sometimes I need to feel like someone's listening instead of just talking to empty air.
Comment by mary heinrich on February 17, 2010 at 4:27pm
Im new to this site. It will be my husbands 3 month anniv on friday the 19th. Im hoping that day goes better than valentines weekend. I miss him so much. we were married for 16 years . I was a caregiver for 10 years running him back and forth for chemo. He had 3 types of cancer . He was a fighter and never complained even up to the very end.
Comment by kathleen caylor on February 17, 2010 at 8:57am
Katy,You are absolutely right.It is a very depressing site.But here's the thing,we are all here for the same reasons,no matter what the circumstances are.I too have a hard time reading some of the horror stories.people with young children and horrific accidents.It breaks my heart.You see I've lived a pretty full life and have been blessed with a loving family.But I've never been alone.And when I want to voice my personal feelings,no one here judges you.So try to find a format similar to yours and share.You will see someone in a similar situation.And one day you can offer words of encouragement.You don't have to join in every day but sometimes there are subjects you can relate to.Sorry for your loss.I hope you find peace,I'm still waitng.
Comment by Katy on February 17, 2010 at 4:45am
Hi all,

I have a question for you, especially those of you who have been on this site for a longer period of time, though not necessarily.

I have been without Jim since Jan 5, not a very long time.

So, I come to this website, usually later at night or early a.m., and I am starting to feel more depressed, because all the comments and stories are (obviously!) from bereaved, just like myself. But, I find it more and more depressing, and I am finding more and more that I dont even want to come here anymore, because all this site has is sad, sad stories from sad, lonely, bereaved people. And I am finding myself not able to stand even this anymore. Am I alone in feeling this way? Is there something wrong with me?
Comment by Chris B on February 16, 2010 at 8:12pm
Felt gut-shot today when I was doing something at work and thought "I'll have to tell Dan about that when I get home". It's four weeks today that he died, and I am still trying to figure out how I'm supposed to live without him.

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