Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1377
Latest Conversations: on Friday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Bereaved Spouses to add comments!

Comment by Yvonne on April 20, 2010 at 1:53am
You know Tom, I think you are right. Why would anyone want to hang around someone who is feeling sorry for themselves? It is very difficult for us to see beyond our grief, but as a friend told me, the world is still waiting for us and is still progressing. We can't allow ourselves to sit back and do nothing. Our loved ones would be ashamed of us if that is what we did. They would only want the best for us now as they did when they were with us.
Besides Tom you have 11 mouths to feed and all those stores to support!!! LOL
Comment by Diane on April 19, 2010 at 2:33pm
My husband passesd away January 6, 2009. I too, end up at the starting line in the grieving process. Sometimes, I think, wow, you've come along way. Then something happens and it starts all over again. Maybe because I didn't get the chance to ask him why.?? The only I dreams I have of him are nightmares. My youngest son and I have spent the last year fighting. He dropped out of school for a while. Why? Because he honestly believed that I was responsible for his dad dying. Anyways, I know I did not force my husband to become a meth user.

Guess I really don't understand.
Comment by Craig Cody on April 18, 2010 at 6:29pm
Feeling so lonely just want partner back so bad it hurts deep inside
Comment by kathleen caylor on April 18, 2010 at 2:01pm
What can I say?I feel like the most selfish person in the world!Juanita,Donna,You all have seen so much pain,I'm Speechless!God bless both of you.I hope the rest of your Journey gets better.But I know It isn't an easy road.Find some peace somewhere.
Comment by Juanita on April 18, 2010 at 12:57pm
almost 2 years my husband committed suicide with me
trying to pull the gun away. He died in my arms as I lowered him to the floor. Just can't get over it.
Comment by kathleen caylor on April 18, 2010 at 9:08am
Donna,What you had to go through,no one should!It sounds like what could go wrong,did.My husband died of sudden death.The autopsy revealed critical coronary atherosclerosis.I was so angry at him at first,thinking this could have been prevented with bypass surgery.But after reading your horror story,I feel "lucky" (if you can call it that)!Trust me when I say I would have made the same decisions you did,if I thought it would have bought us more time.The decision to live or die is NOT in our hands!!!The picture I carry with me is Doing CPR for 10 mins.waitng for EMS to arrive.Knowing he was gone and not wanting to give up.I hope you find some peace,Kathy
Comment by Donna C. on April 18, 2010 at 12:51am
I am at the 8th month tomorrow since my husband died. I must say of all the hurts I've had in my life, this pain in my heart is by far the worst. It goes on all the time in the background of my life. If I have any time to myself, thoughts of him come back to me immediately. I keep going over and over his last days and how horrible each day was until his last day. I don't exactly know now how I got through everything. Day 1, the heart catheterization, Day 2 the triple bypass. Day 3 kidney failure and they put him on the dialysis machine. Day 4 the circulation in his legs was shutting down so I had to give permission for them to do a fasciotomy to relieve pressure in his legs. That was only Tuesday. Wednesday, Day, 5 I got the phonecall early -- I had till noon to decide to give permission to them to amputate his legs. He would die if I didn't. So, I decided for life, without legs. All of these days he was in the cardio intensive care, kept unconscious as they normally do after a triple bypass. So I could not talk to him to see what he would have wanted. I could only guess. So somehow we got through Wednesday. They stabilized him Thursday and Friday, Days 6 and 7. Day 8, Saturday morning, he had to have more surgery -- they warned me this might happen -- to amputate his legs above the knees instead of below. So, they cut off more. Sunday, Day 9, he rested. They backed him off just enough medicine so that he opened his eyes and would move sometimes but would not respond directly to a request. It was so nice to see his hazel eyes! When I visited and spoke to him, he raised his eyebrows as if pleasantly surprised to see me. I tell myself that, anyway. There was not really any kind of response you could call communication. I talked to him and fussed over him, and told him I loved him, and sang to him. I came back Monday, Day 10, and his eyes were still open, but he was less animated than on Sunday. Since I could see his eyes, I thought he would be starting to recover. All our friends planned all the re-arrangements we would make to make room for his wheelchair when he would come home. Everyone had visited and prayed. Day 11, I came in at 9:00 a.m. before work and his cardiologist was there. He said, "I can't save him". All of his body's systems were steadily shutting down. Visitors and family came and went all that day. I sat by him all day. In the afternoon they took out his breathing tube. Late in the afternoon all the visitors left so I could be alone with him to say good-bye one last time. Then we all stood by him and listened to him breathe, and at six o'clock he stopped breathing. I relive these days over and over and over again and it has been 8 months now and it is the darnedest thing after all that I still can't believe he's gone. I know he is but so many times I just can't wrap my mind around it. He was only 62. We never knew how really ill he was, how his heart and circulation had been slowly weakening over several years. He wouldn't go to the doctor, and was so strong and stubborn and he was still walking around doing most of the things he had always done. Being the husband, father, grandfather and teacher he had always been. And then all this horrible stuff came relentlessly at the end and then we could never talk again or say good-bye really. I just don't understand. Everything since that day has felt wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. It wasn't supposed to be this way. This wasn't supposed to happen. We were supposed to grow old together. We were such good friends. I had no idea how much I depended on his being there. Just knowing he loved me. This pain is never ending. I don't know how people go on. I know they do, but I really don't understand how. It just hurts all the time. Everything is so unreal. Everything is wrong now.
Comment by BoLynn on April 17, 2010 at 11:32pm
If you do expect attention,sympathy or company after it is all over, you're in for a rude awakening. I for one was shocked at how everyone went on to business as usual so fast. I didn't expect much, but a call every once in a while would have been nice. My family and BFF's were there for me after and one of his good friends would call and see how I was doing for the first month, but zero from his family and other friends. I guess life goes on.
Comment by Rachael on April 17, 2010 at 6:12pm
Can anyone recomend a good book or movie for my kids in their time of mourning the loss of their father? I have 2 daughters 4 and 11 yrs old. My husband passed away last July 13, 2009.
Comment by Cathy on April 17, 2010 at 5:09pm
I lost my husband to colon cancer when he was 47. My son was 13 at the time. My husband's cancer was misdiagnosed and very advanced when it was finally diagnosed. He fought very hard to stay alive for almost 4 years. It seemed like there was support from friends when he was first diagnosed, but as the disease consumed him, more people (some life long friends became distant). When he died, I felt some support for the first 6 months, but then nothing. The worst thing for me was that all of my son's life long friends suddenly avoided him. The house used to be full of friends, then NOTHING. I know 13 is an age when friendships change, but I can't help but believe that a lot of the avoidance was because of his friend's discomfort. It is hard to heal, when others won't even let you acknowledge your loss.

Members (1377)


Latest Conversations

Profile IconSuzanne Hamlin and Melissa Gary joined LegacyConnect
3 hours ago
Steve G. and CHAYA SPECTOR are now friends
natali tran is now a member of LegacyConnect
Debbie R commented on Lois E Bordner's status

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2020   Created by   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service