Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Oct 16

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Patti Baker on May 17, 2010 at 12:08pm
Charlotte and Sandralee, this is not an easy road we are traveling down. I lost my husband one year ago May 5th, I got thru the day with help of friends and family 3 days later our grandson was married -- more tears. The only advice I can give you is to stay busy even if you have to force yourself, I read at night and it makes the night go faster. I talk to my husband all the time, I visit the cemetery eventually the tears will not flow as much, there is always something to trigger them. I am still working - self employed - so it is not as stressful.
We were married 55 years - wonderful years- and I miss him more than words can convey. I have tried to keep busy socially SU football and basketball, Syracuse Stage, Pops concerts all of which I can go to by myself.
What I miss the most is going out to dinner,m going to the club, I did not join this year -- it was too painful going alone. Life does go on -- its just never the same...
Comment by Virginia on May 17, 2010 at 9:42am
Charlotte, I to have the same problem when I write.It is so frustrating. I just keep trying.I hope you feel welcomed here everyone is great P S I got your reply virginia
Comment by Sandralee Vahey on May 17, 2010 at 5:15am
To Charlotte Bannon:

Dear Charlotte, I lost my husband to lung cancer on May 4th and it has only been one week now. I loved him with all my heart. I find myself talking to him as though he is still here. I miss him so much that the minutes seem like hours and the hours seem to last an eternity. Toward the end he was in so much pain and so sick that he became extremely difficult to live with. Don't get me wrong I understood why and I loved him anyway. He had a tremendous amount of will power and even more pride. He did not want many of his friends and relatives to know that he had the cancer. He was always doing for others such as mowing their lawns, fixing or repairing something on their homes. As a result he endeared himself to so many people. Several of them did not know that he had the cancer. He was walking around right up until two days before he passed that's how strong his will power was. He was my strength when I needed it, my best friend always, the love of my life from the time we met twenty-three years ago. Our anniversary is on the 9th of June. His birthday is on July 9th and I am sitting here wondering what I will do without him. Mother's day was a total disaster. I cried the entire day I missed him so badly.

I just wanted you to know that I am deeply sorry for your loss even though I am completely heart broken over losing the love of my life. In a sense though I am happy for him because he no longer is in pain and is not suffering anymore. If god spoke to me and said "Sandralee, you may have your husband back" I would be lying if I said no but then I would have to remember how much pain he was in and I know that I have to let him go even though I feel so lost without him. In the meantime I sit here and I wonder "did I tell him I loved him enough". There are so many things that I would like to ask him but it is too late.

God bless you Charlotte and may he be with you always. Sandralee
Comment by Connie on May 16, 2010 at 10:00pm
Charlotte, Please accept my sincere sympathy in your loss. I lost my husband just over 6 months ago. It is so very difficult to lose the love you have had for most of your life. We were married 46 years and I miss him so very, very much. You will feel his presence at some point. I visit the cemetary every day and some days I can feel him with me and others not. Someone had told me that they need to go through a 'transition' before they can make contact with you. I do not know whether that is true or not. I believe that all the people you will meet on this site will understand just what you are experiencing and you should know that we are all going through, or have gone through, just what you are feeling. Do you have any children or family close by to support you right now? I can certainly relate to how you are feeling. Stay strong and May God Bless You.
Comment by charlotte bannon on May 16, 2010 at 8:32pm
my husband passed away 4/19/10 it will be 4 wks. tomorrow,all keep wanting is to feel his presence, a whisper in my ear , the feel of his hand touching my face or is voice call my name,we were married 38 yrs.last nov.& dated at 14yrs. old more than half of me went with him, i feel being on line here could help a lot ,hope to hear from someone soon, charlotte b.
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on May 16, 2010 at 1:20pm
Yvonne, yes I carry on with what I am needed to do. I do my chores,ect..I am carrying on my wife's legacy because if I am still around, so is she. But, its lonely at the top now. I have her singing voice on CD from a kareoke night, we were recorded. I am going to convert 8mm film movies I took years ago to DVD also. Wow. The sadness, yet joy.
A plaque someone has on their wall reads...Thank you God, for allowing this time together. The bad part is that usually there is only one to read it. Hugs to all.
Comment by Yvonne on May 16, 2010 at 12:21pm
That says it all Kathleen
Comment by kathleen caylor on May 16, 2010 at 11:30am
This was in today's paper with an ad for a necklace,thought I'd share this with you"I now know the beauty of life,and understand the deepest sorrow.I now know the soaring of heartfelt joy,And the hope of tomorrow,I now know with each step,Faith sees you through,I now know the meaning of love,With the memories of you,Although we are apart,Our journey never ends,It continues on with love unitingus,Until we meet again."
Comment by Yvonne on May 16, 2010 at 10:14am
I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my husband of 38 years suddenly as well. It has been 9 months and 1 week for me. I understand your feeling that you no longer have a purpose in life. I sometimes feel that way too. I try everyday to honor Larry's memory by carrying on the legacy he has left me. I do the repairs around the house, I am carrying on with our business and looking after anything else that needs to be done. I think one of the worst things about losing our spouse is the loneliness. Just the other evening for a moment I thought I should stay in the house because Larry might phone. I miss him terribly, as I know you miss your wife too. One day at a time, that is how I carry on. Thanks for the hug, I needed that.
Take care Yvonne
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on May 16, 2010 at 8:24am
Today is exactly 13 months since my wife died suddenly and I am so sad. She loved horses and the three races they have every year for" The Triple Crown". She would watch all of it and pick the winners.My pal is gone now and everything in life reminds me of her not being here with me.What does one do when they are 67, alone,no friends,family on their own with children and their own problems,her friends and family ignoring me and no one to share things anymore? I guess I am out to pasture now. Hugs to all.

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