Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Dotti on April 27, 2010 at 7:00pm
Its been 8 weeks ago today that I lost my Donnie. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of me
Comment by Virginia on April 27, 2010 at 3:55pm
LOL, Lois I agree
Comment by Joan on April 27, 2010 at 1:09pm
I want to mention to Randolph that to celebrate the flame is something that resonates with me. I have many pictures of John and I together all around the apartment. I light candles every night just like I used to do when he was alive. I pray to God every night to be able to show every one I meet the love that John and I shared, which reminds of God's love. Both are unseen now, but John's love was deeply felt. I have some good days and some bad ones. It's the disconnect that I badly feel now. Just sort of floundering, not having that shoulder to lean on. I'm not sure the disconnect is something that is good. I'm not sure it's a sign that things are getting better and that I'm getting more used to being alone than not. I guess all I can do is lean into my sorrow and feel it whenever it comes. Thank you for all your replies.
Comment by Virginia on April 27, 2010 at 7:32am
Hello all well the letters are written and here ay my side to copy just in case one never knows the fallout things might bring lol I kept a civil tounge but got my message thru. I don't think I'll get a response and don't want or need one they will have to deal with it how they want to putting them in a big box of pics. I no longer have a need for so time will tell lol thanks virginia
Comment by BoLynn on April 26, 2010 at 9:34pm
pooop........testing. This is really crazy, you all...LOL!
Comment by kathleen caylor on April 26, 2010 at 8:12am
Hubby's b-day party was a success! I'm so glad that I did it.We had about 25-30 guests.the food was great and the conversation was comforting.At the end of the night and a few beers later,I had a long discussion with 2 other widows.1 whose husband has been gone 5 yrs.and 10 yrs.I asked my cousin how long will the sadness stay and she said til you meet someone new.but she still mourns and cries occasionally.My friend who is in a relationship ,said she is "comfortable" with her new man,but the joy isn't there.I guess my point is I miss the joy.But by honoring his memory and celebrating his life,it helps keep his spirit and love alive in our hearts.Another first checked off!!!
Comment by Tom on April 26, 2010 at 4:11am
Hello Carol, I'm Tom.
Functioning is still hard for me after 4 1/2 months, but I try. It use to be I would have to do something every day just to feel like i earned the right to eat my meals. I'm trying to get back to that so I can get things done, and without feeling like dog poo all the time. My wife Loni and boxes and boxes of photos from her past weddings and vacations and home movies before she knew me. As hard as it was I went through everyone of them and then throw them all away. Loni hung onto everything over her life. I think that was because she was an only child. There are still two big chests full of letters of her dads that I have to at least look at a few before throwing them out. Loni's dad was a Chicago lawyer and the letters so far that I have looked at and have thrown out are of a personal nature to and from familey members from before I or Loni were even born. Loni had no more relatives alive to pass these things on to. I feel O.K. about Loni having left these things for me to deal with. It was her life and so was I.
Comment by Carol Saunders on April 26, 2010 at 12:31am
Hi Everyone,

I am new to this forum. I recently lost my husband Robert on 4/1/10 and I can relate to all of you. You do have your good and bad days. Today was a bad day for me I was very sad. I was going through wedding photos and as I was going thru them I cried my eyes out. We were married for 19 and a half years. We have two children ages 13 and 12. I dont know if I will ever get over my loss. It is so hard for me to function. All I do is sit around the house and mope and cry. Any suggestions on how I can get through this?
Comment by Jagee' L. Valentine on April 25, 2010 at 11:38pm
To Peg and others: i am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away 1 1/2 years ago from pancreatic cancer and it still hurts like it was yesterday. Some folks are really kind and understanding and others run like you have the plague. He was my groom and I was his bride. We said we would be married for 75 years and if after that we didn't like each other we would go our seperate way. Remember the song? Last Saturday was our 29th anniversary and he still owes me a few. I wish I could be with him to get the rest of our years together. I think most people at some point feel like they wish they could join their loved one when they have been together and have really loved each other. I am saddened by the people who are married and complain and can't stand to be around each other and I feel like I have been cheated but in the same token, I am grateful he is no longer in pain. It's hard to face the holidays, days you both enjoyed, days for the kids, the grandkids and the remember when days. We had a rich and wonderful life together and he said he had no regrets other than leaving me by myself. I too, get up, go to work, get through the day and manage but hate going home. I even got a dog, moved to another state and still am as alone as I was the day he passed. He passed the day after his 55th birthday, which birthdays were also big days for us. Even as the children grew and left, we were so looking forward to "Our" time together. I can't envision dating, who could replace him? I have been told, that you don't necessarily look for him but sometimes the grief is so tough he's all you have to look forward to. Not sure about that one. Some days its really hard to talk to someone else who has lost someone and sometimes its a help to know someone else understands. Did the counseling thing, the antidepressants; which do help by the way; and also support group-so far nothing. Friends and family are not always helpful. They come, visit at first, then get to go to their homes with their spouse, or family and then you are left in a big old empty house which doesnt show any happiness. I pray for anyone who had lost someone, be it a spouse, child or parent or someone close. It's never easy and it will take time. I know that I am here for a reason and it's not my place to decide why, but believe God will tend to me in His own time. I question alot but really try not to, why I am still here; I believe that after the life I've had (which was awful) and been given the chance to have such a great life with such a great man in my life, there is a reason; and not mine to question. I always felt he was sent to me because I always tried to be nice and do the right thing and that someday I would be rewarded and I was-with the love of my life. Some days I am able to be reasonable and feel that things will at some point get better for me, I will never ever forget or "get over" him as people tell me that it's time to do; but I am sure God will help me. I hope that you are able to find some peace or understanding that will be a comfort to you.
Comment by bc on April 25, 2010 at 8:38pm
I lost Brad very suddenly 8 months ago and I am lost. He left the house to go to the store and 35 seconds later, died at the wheel of his car of cardiac arrest. The last time I saw him, he winked and smiled and said, "I'll be home in a few minutes". Little did I know....
We spent all of our time together 24/7. We were partners at work all day, went shopping, got our hair cut, went to the gas station together, always were together, and now that he is gone, a bit part of me left that day also. Everyone tells me I am so strong, but they don't know how lost I feel inside. I go through the motions of what I have to do, but I don't feel I have the right to be happy, I don't even know if I want to be happy again. All I want is to hold him again. Does anyone else have these guilt feelings if you happen to have a "good day"?
We are all in the same position and I am glad I found this site..maybe someone can help me.

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