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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Trina Mamoon 3 hours ago

Dear Chuck,

As you write, many of us here on this forum are always engaged in trying to find ways to distract ourselves from constantly focusing on our past lives with our departed spouse/partner.

It will be six years in August that Joseph left this planet, but everyday as I open my eyes, the very first thoughts are about him, and the very last thoughts as I try to force myself to fall asleep in the early hours of the morning are also about him. Thoughts of Joseph and of my past life with him, what it would be like now had he been around, are all I am thinking about. It's as if he lives inside of me, is at one with me, inseparable. When we have experienced a love that endures through death and endures through the years, this is how it is.

On a different note, about people's reaction to the pandemic, I would like to say that the pandemic has brought out the best in human nature and it has also brought out the worst in human nature; funny how that works. We know of people who are going above and beyond to save lives and putting themselves at risk, and at the same time, we see the horrific images of people who lack basic human decency and are protesting against having to wear face masks and do social distancing. You would think that people would want to do their part in this national/global crisis, and try to keep the number of COVID patients and COVID deaths lower, but no, for those people their personal freedom is more important than other people's right to live and to be healthy. Sad and upsetting, to say the least. But I feel cheered by the acts of altruism and kindness that strangers are showing strangers every single day through this hard time. There is hope for human nature yet. 

Sending love and good thoughts your way. Stay safe.

-- Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon 3 hours ago

Dear Steve,

Your post that is so honest about coping with loss and grieving in the time of Corona brought tears to my eyes. Yes, my friend, the uncertainty of it all makes it so much more difficult. Hope your reading keeps you busy and distracted so you do not dwell on your sad thoughts.

Sending hugs and love your way. Stay safe and stay well.

-- Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon 3 hours ago

Dear Sara,

Thinking of you and your beloved husband Ken today, your 31st anniversary. Anniversaries are always rough with our soulmates gone, but in these unprecedented times of social distancing and lockdown, any marker day is that much more difficult to bear. I hope you make it through the day with some amount of peace and that memories of your Ken bring you comfort today. 

Sending you love and hugs,

Trina

Comment by Steve G. 6 hours ago

Dear legacy family,

I start each day lately with anticipation plus a measure of sadness.  I cannot put out of my thoughts that looming on the horizon is "what's next".  I find that meditation is helping to keep me grounded and still I wonder and still I plan small projects to distract my mind.  I read a lot about science and astronomy, anything for distraction.

Just needed to vent.

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."  Maya Angelu...

Love and hugs

Steve

Comment by Charles E. Nelson 8 hours ago

Dearest Sara,

Indeed that empty place within each of our hearts can be overwhelming. Is it because of all that's happening, or just because I am getting older and more nostalgic and emotional? I don't know, but anniversaries and holidays are all seeming to be more draining and dsitracting - even my dreams are getting more ...I don't want to say upsetting, but perhaps unsettling is the word.

Your work is such a good thing to have - I am relying more on small projects to distract my mind when I can, or start cleaning or cooking just to focus on anything other than my former life with Larry.

I send you a big hug from afar, and know Ken would be with you going through this if he could - June 15th will mark Larry's and my anniversary of the day we met in 1983 - that will be 37 years for us. Like you, I imagine how we would try to celebrate without dining out (Larry's absolutely favorite thing, and always someplace fancy and embarrassingly expensive!)

Be well Sara, stay safe, and know that Steve and I are raising a glass to toast you and Ken this evening, and the enduring love you share for all time.

Love, Chuck 

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich 8 hours ago

Hi Sara!

Sending you hugs and prayers today. Hoping you are well.

Comment by Sara Murphy 8 hours ago
Well today should be my 31st wedding anniversary. I can't help but think what Ken and I would be doing to celebrate although probably not much this year since going out to dinner is out of the question. So glad I'm working and had a couple meetings today to focus on something other than that empty place
Comment by deborah peck on Monday

Hoping everyone is having a safe holiday weekend, not much different here except my kids and grandkids came over and we all hung out around my firepit which is quite large so we were all apart, was nice though, haven't been around them since this started, I grilled yesterday but have still been quarantine in my home, don't trust the media or the doctors just yet. I have to go to the dermatologist wed to have more skin cancer removed on my face, ughh, don't know if Im more  afraid of the procedure or being that close to someone, crazy world we live in right now. Praying for everyones continued good health

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on Sunday

Hi Mary Jane and all,

Mary Jane, I am with you - more than a little alarmed by the fact that there seems to be a somewhat collective desire to believe something that isn't yet supported by facts here or abroad. When told that safety precautions are more for the protection of other people than yourself, one might have hoped that an altruistic mindset would prevail, and in many places it has - but where it hasn't could possibly lead to widespread continued infection of innocent souls who are very venerable and have themselves been diligent about safety. 

Thursday someone we know decided to drop by unannounced. He was aware that Steve and I are isolating and have been having a bit of a lousy week. Thursday AM the doorbell rang and when I looked through the peephole there was a man in full hasmat gear -  goggles, mask, gloves and suit with boots, holding a sign saying  "CDC HOUSE-TO-HOUSE COVID 19 CHECK. DON'T PANIC.'" I kept the stormdoor closed and answered with nods or shaking my head as he held up questions about anyone in the household being tested positive, etc. Finally, the last sign said surprise, it's me Rick! Apparently he bought this costume online and was going around as if it was Halloween. Only in Texas... 

Once my heart started beating normally again, I told him we were doing better, thanked him for the visit, and he left. Maybe it's just me, but somehow I don't find the stunt funny - I know a family as I've told you who are grieving their mom while trying to place their dependent sister. I doubt they would appreciate jokes about infection or testing, yet this friends mindset seems to be not unusual in this part of the country for reasons about which I won't share my opinion - they would censor my language for sure.

So, thanks for letting me vent a bit as we go through a Memorial Day weekend that will be so tragically difficult for so many people and families while other people flock to bars and beaches, glad that "it's over '. 

It is most definitely not over.

Love to all and God bless and protect everyone.

Love, Chuck

Comment by Mary. Jane on Saturday

Happy holiday to all. Thanks for the warm wishes everyone. I am in Northern California..in the middle of a heat wave. AND, idiots all over are flocking to rivers and lakes as if all was fine! 

Melinda lives in a resort area, surrounded by summer cabins, and owners who haven,t been there for years are arriving this weekend. We are both HORRIFIED at the stupidity. Now, these folks have owned these cabins for generations,  so they will b careful it isn’t random stupid people..but makes you wonder.

A lot of the restrictions have been  loosened..and I understand human nature and being unable to grasp the severity of this for such a long time..but good intentions..and all that....people forget.

Eek!

 

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