Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Nov 8

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on December 4, 2012 at 3:52am

Sue H ... join the Civil War Vets here ... broken this or that; flues; falls, etc.  Yes hon, I know how difficult it is for you and I'm still going through it, but a little easier as months go by although I will always have my beloved Ernie in my heart.  When talking if someone mentions something about a certain subject in conversation I WILL BRING UP a funny story about my Ernie and they can like it or lump it!  Too blasted bad if they don't want to hear your husband's name ... time for them to face reality (which they are not ... immortality strikes everyone sooner or later.)  At the end of your journey of raw grief you will become stronger and I do what is called 'cleaning out my closet.'  I have been there for so many friends through their difficult times and now it's their turn and if they can't understand like I understood their problems to a degree then it's time to kick 'em out of the closet and get on with life. Friends do not rush you through grief; they don't make you feel uncomfortable for mentioning your husband so don't take it!  He will always be a part of your life.  Mind you, I'm a tough old bird and just lay things on the line so there is no misunderstanding of where I am at in my grief; trying to hide my husband who was in my life 45 years.  Friends get it; some stay; some leave.  It's clearing the fog of who your true friends are. So glad you did go down that road because it was obviously bothering you.

So sorry that you broke your foot.  Seems many of us have had an accident; flu or just plain not feeling well.  Hang in there hon.  It will get better.  If friends are near or family reach out and touch someone and tell them you need help.  I'm beginning to find that many friends have stunted brain cells and don't always think of what grieving widows/widowers need in their life. 

Please keep posting Sue.  We're here to pick you up and you are never alone!  We can't be there is physical form, but we are there spiritually and the heart knows no distance.

Many big bear hugs


Comment by Marsha H on December 4, 2012 at 3:40am

Carol ...  I had the same flu bug and felt like you.  I was really scared being all alone and sick.  I thought of my girlfriends that had been sick in the past with a cold or flu and how I had gone down with soup; sandwich or offered to get them anything they wanted and I have not had one of them do the same for me.  Short memory span!  Carol, wish I lived closer and could help you. 

Just rest.  Eat light and if nauseated take Gravol to settle the tummy.  For 3 days I laid like a beached skinny whale under a quilt and hardly moved.  So glad you are feeling a bit better, but a warning!  You will feel a LOT better, but take it easy!  I felt good finally and it didn't take too long to get it back and it happened to my girlfriend too.  So be careful. 

You are so welcome about the love and support, but I get it back in spades from many of you here.

Keep well.  MOVE CLOSER!  LOL  We could limp along in life. 

Many hugs & get better soon.


Comment by Carol Kayser on December 3, 2012 at 9:29pm
Hi everyone. I got hit with the flu, awful! Feel so weak. The thing I don't like is being alone when I am sick. I feel so all alone, it's scary. I faint easily so it is so worrying. Today have been sleeping but feel a little better now.
Stacey, glad your Dr appt went well. You hang in there:)
Marsha, thanks for all the love and support!
Comment by Marlena on December 3, 2012 at 9:09pm


I'm glad you were able to download the book.  Hopefully, this book will help us make our way on this journey. 

I remember the black hole...I actually remember writing about it here all those many months ago.  Hang in there...I know it's not easy and even after all this time I still have my moments, but I hang on tight to all the memories; they do carry me through.  It's hard to imagine, and I didn't believe it back then, but there will be a day when the weight on your chest lessens just a bit.  This time of year is still especially hard and you are right - you are not many here "get it".

Blessings and hugs to make it through the holidays!

Comment by Sue H on December 3, 2012 at 8:21pm

Hi everyone. Thank you Marsha and you are so rght about how exhausting this is. I am tired of people thinking I should be better and feel like no one wants me to mention Ray. I need to say his name. I am still in love. Why don't they understand how crushing these feelings are? Ohhh..I am sorry..did not mean to go down this road. I broke my foot on Saturday and I have been lucky enough to have people help me as I am alone now but Christmas and being hurt I just want him back. What a club we are in my friends. Talking here helps as you all understand.  

Comment by stacey on December 3, 2012 at 7:04pm

marsha i too am glad and thankful youve helped me through a lot so far too. all the advice, and comforting word make me realize i have a long road ahead of me but with help from all of you i can make it and move on eventually. i feel so much better talking to you guys and i may not post everyday but i check posts and read all of them about 2x a day. im going on 2 months and i probably wouldnt be this far without you, thank you! my physical went okay i do my labs this friday so half is done but i think im doing good considering couple bad days couple good days i really dont like this ping pong game i wish i never had to play.

Comment by Marsha H on December 3, 2012 at 3:08pm

Dear Mac ... Thank you for that.  I do worry about all of you and December is upon us and I think it's the toughest month to get through.

I'm really not all that strong since my Ernie is gone.  I 'exist' right now.  My nature has always been to help others and I guess something is happening to me where I am back in the saddle again, but be assured I have been having my own pity party lately.  Caught a 24 flu bug and was laid up for 3 - 4 days.  Took the stuffings right out of me.  I hope it stays away! 

I know what you mean Mac about me being here, but sorry I have to be.  I feel the same about all of you, but God must have a plan because he brought all of this extended family together and I love each and every one of you.  I tend to 'count my chicks' and see who isn't on.  I get worried and try to dig around to see where that person or persons are at.  I am worried about Janeo; Jane P (although we do email each other thank God); if you or Frank are missing; of course worry about Faith and so many others.  It's difficult that we live so far away from each other and can't just walk a few blocks to check on that particular person.

I always feel we are a bunch of angels fluttering around and cooing and caring and we ALL are there for each other.  Remember 'when one falls, even one other person can pick them up.'

Big hugs



Comment by Marsha H on December 3, 2012 at 3:02pm

Frank ... Thank you so much.  I try.  I find it helps to hold others up when they are down and to know we are all in the same boat chopping across some bumpy waves of life with our grieving.  You my friend are a great support of this forum as well.  You make me feel better when I see a post from you and even though I know the pain of grief you are going through there you are!  I bow to you my friend!  I do worry about my extended family on here.  With December upon us it's so important to give each other support.  Doesn't matter if we complain about our feelings and, in ways, it helps others on here to know they are not alone.



Comment by Mac on December 3, 2012 at 11:33am

I second and third that. Marsha you are so strong and always know what to say to all of us. I thank you for being here I dont want you to be here but glad you are. J

Comment by Frank Andrews on December 3, 2012 at 10:41am

Marsha, you have always given good advice to all members on this forum.  Since it has been so quiet since your last posts, it is a tribute to your compassion and caring for all of us.  Thanks and have a good day.


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