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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Vee Herrera Michrina on October 1, 2013 at 5:43pm

Barbara- I ask for God to please give you n your sister strength and peace during this special and most difficult time. I say special because this is LOVE!!! I wish I had a sister like you! when I was ill my own sister wanted nothing to do with me or my condition...so you are so strong and yes, your nursing your own hubby has given you special insight and caring that you wouldnt have if not had been there with him. He,Im sure would want you to use this experience. You also have a special empathy n compassion for the ill. I have a family member now fighting multi myloma and it’s not easy for anyone--especially the one who is ill. BUT I SAY: LOVE LOVE LOVE and a caring ear is the most needed. I ask the Lord to please be with you all. V

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on September 30, 2013 at 6:21am

Dear Helen, Frank and Jane -- Thank you for your prayers for my sister.  I spent the day with her yesterday.  She looks, and says she feels, so well that it is hard to accept her prognosis.  We talked and hugged and cried together and I made a promise to be with her every step of the way.

She is still unsure about whether she wants to go through chemo again, knowing that it will make her so ill and that the only benefit will be to possibly give her more time.

I was surprised that my experience as Chris's care-giver during his last months was of some comfort to her.   Though my children and all our family believe that I am still too fragile to  bear this new tragedy, I personally think that God has given me a special insight, through Chris, to understand what she is facing, the medical choices she must make, and the spiritual journey she is facing.. 

Is it horrible of me to think that, in some way, Chris' death will have some purpose and meaning, if I can use that experience to help my sister through her own passage to the other side?

I don't know.

I just know that she is my sister -- i can't abandon her, no matter how much I am suffering the loss of my husband -- each life is special and precious, in its own way.

Today, my childhood friend is coming to visit me.  She will be with me for 3-4 weeks.  We have been friends since 7th grade (more than 50 years of friendship) and she is the only friend I have specifically asked for, in my grief, to be with me. She doesn't know about my sister, yet.  It's going to be difficult to tell her.  We have been together through teenage years, marriages, children, divorces, the deaths of all our parents, she came when Chris died -- and, now this.  I thank God for her, my friend, Michele.

Comment by Carol Kayser on September 29, 2013 at 11:44pm

Dear Mac.  I cried on my husband's birthday too, Sept. 15th.  I cried and sobbed pretty much all day.  It came 2 weeks after the 3rd year.  It was just too much I guess, all too close.  You make perfect sense Mac, things will never be the same for us and things just lose their lustre now. They become meaningless.  For a laugh I watch Duck Dynasty only because I am pretty sure my sweetheart is laughing right along with me.  I made a post on Facebook today a beautiful story about a little girl who lost her daddy.  I wish I could copy it here because it is all about how her daddy is there with her all the time and that she isn't alone.  She talks about roses and at the end of the story there is a rose on the desk beside her.  It gave me pause to believe that the things that happen to us now, a lot of them are being directed from up above, still with love and still in our lives.  Not far away at all.

 

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Carol Kayser on September 29, 2013 at 11:30pm

Dear Helen.  I know what you mean, those male comforts can bring on tears so easily.  Hugs are one of the things I miss the most about my husband.  It was those hugs that made me feel safe and loved.  I understand and I miss that too. 

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on September 29, 2013 at 3:45pm

Mac   Everything you said is exactly how I feel.   I went to a home exhibition yesterday and watched all these people ordering new kitchens etc and thought to myself why are they wasting time and money on material things when we are all going to die shortly and the most important person in our llives has already died so why are all these people buying cushions and things.    I have just had my shed completely emptied so my executors don't have to do it so I am really preparing to go but how long will I have to wait to see my love again.   Just everything you said resonated with me, even down to food not tasting the same.   Mind you I now bung a ready meal in the oven whereas I would have lovingly cooked a casserole for Morley but don't see the point for just me and in any case, I don'' enjoy anything so what is the point.   I wish we all lived closer and could meet up because none of my friends understand any of the above feelings and are very impatient that I am not "over it" by now, as if I'd had flu or something.

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on September 29, 2013 at 11:37am

A friends husband met me with a friend in a supermarket yesterday and gave me a hug, cue tears.   He was afraid he had upset me but it was the manly hug that is what I so miss with Morley gone, just knowing he was here.   We had over 30 glorious years together and I know I am so very lucky to have had that but  it makes his absence all the harder to bear.   The loneliness is a killer and this house is just that a house, no longer a home with love in it.

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on September 29, 2013 at 11:34am

Barbara.   I am so very sorry to hear about your sister but am totally with you on the wishing it were you instead.   I feel I am existing not lliving and have nothing more to give to this world so why oh why can.t I just go and join Morley.   I dread each dawn with yet another day to face without him.

Vee   I am with you re the empty shell.    As I say above I feel I have nothing more to contribute on this earth.   I worked for 40 years and was care giver to both parents and now all I want is to be allowed to go and join Morley.   We were a formidable team and would be so wherever we are sent.    This pain seems to get worse with every passing day not better and the tears get shed every day often in the car so no one can criticise me.   What lessons are we meant to be learning going through this horrendous and never ending grief.   I just want it all to be over please.

Comment by Frank Andrews on September 29, 2013 at 7:11am

Barb, 

 I am going to Mass this morning and will say a special prayer for your sister and family. Thinking of all.  Hugs.

Comment by Jane P. on September 29, 2013 at 3:29am

Dearest Barbara, I am so sorry to hear of your sisters  prognosis.  This news is devastating which will take the wind out of your sails. Take each day as a new beginning and learn to breath.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.    Hugs, Jane P.

 

Comment by stacey on September 28, 2013 at 10:23pm

Hello everyone just checking in. I need to ask you guys for a favor for me. My mom is going in for a biopsy on her breast and we're hoping for good news. I need some extra prayers my ways if you could help me with that it'd be great. It's also 9 days away from it being a year that my husband died I'm not looking forward to the day, but a week after that my other support group starts. I'm loving bowling so far its a great night out with the ladies.

 

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