Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1372
Latest Conversations: on Sunday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Deb S on October 22, 2017 at 4:46am

Marsha, It is great to hear from you. I was getting a bit concerned. The group has been a bit quiet. I'm not getting all of the alerts of posts either and perhaps that is prevalent right now.

Just to clarify my earlier post. I'm not going through those emotional symptoms of grief any longer. You were always here to remind any newbies that days did get better. I can now join your chorus and echo your refrain. 

I had a wonderful day yesterday. A high school classmate and her sister were visiting my area for an annual winery tour. I discovered they were here via FB Friday night and reached out to let them know they were in my neighborhood. They invited me to visit wineries with them and we had a fabulous time. Neither knew of Bob's death. One of the first comments made was to ask how I was able to get away on a Saturday. I explained that they would have no reason to know that my husband died on July 22, 2015. We had hours of fun, wine, meals, and great conversation. It was a wonderful day.

Today I return to the mundane task of cleaning my house. I do plan to add some fun in somewhere.

Are others also not receiving post alerts? I'd love to hear how everyone is doing.  Debbie

Comment by Marsha H on October 22, 2017 at 3:49am

Deb S ...  Unfortunately dear friend this is the way grief has been going for some.  Ernie passed in 2011 and although I'm energetic, volunteer, go to Bible Study and out with friends or see my family there is just that hole there that I can't seem to fill so yes, I can cry uncontrollably every so often.  I eat to live,  I have energetic days and other days just like you I lay on the sofa not even  pondering life.  Other times I feel I have some sort of future.  I really fluctuates depending on what is going on in my life.  Even though I go through since this it becomes less intense.  What you are experiencing is very normal and each day you get through is a day you are becoming stronger.



Comment by Marsha H on October 21, 2017 at 9:23pm

Dear Deb ...

You are so sweet to think of me and ask how I'm doing.  I'm not getting any of the posts into my 'in box' and since the forum has been so slow I thought that was just the way it was.  LOL  Don't know why I'm not getting a 'heads up' on new posts.  Hope it's fixed soon.

Luv ya girl


Comment by Steve G. on October 21, 2017 at 5:54pm

Mary Jane, Something to brighten your day (I hope)

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 21, 2017 at 10:00am
Ok kids, do you ever feel like this: Deb P kindly asked how my cat was doing...and the stupidest thought came into my head. And I have found myself thinking stuff like this a lot since Bob died. I WAS AFRAID TO SAY HE WAS DOING FINE because if I said that, it might “jinx” it and he would get sicker and maybe die!!! This is irrational fear and can,t seem to get over it!! Then again, the antibiotics can mess with your mind and feelings. (I googled it lol)
Comment by Mary. Jane on October 20, 2017 at 10:36pm
Thanks guys...I probably have a whole lot to say..but these antibiotics are REALLY screwing with me. But, I looked online, and yes, they can make you depressed and full of anxiety...and this is the time of year 2 years ago the day after Halloween we got Bobs cancer diagnosis.
Deb S, at least you fi
Nd yourself moving forward. I seem to b stuck and not able to do the simplest thing, like clean out even ONE drawer...oh well time for bed.
There were some wonderful things about my trip...even tho it wasn,t the trip of a lifetime, the closeness my daughter and I have was cemented even more, and I actually went wading in the Atlantic Ocean! It isALOT warmer than the pacific...and Virginia Beach is one of the prettiest cities I have ever seen...we got to stay at a HILTON that usually costs $250. Per night, for only $50 a nite, cuz Melinda had racked up points on her business THAT was really cool! And the food everywhere was really really good. Trust me, in Oklahoma the only seafood they offer is Catfish! They have no clue here! Ok goodnight my friends
Comment by Deb S on October 20, 2017 at 5:24pm

Dear friends, Our group has been a bit quiet recently. I can take some of the credit for that as I'm not posting as often as I used to post. Nevertheless, each of you remain in my thoughts. I hope that everyone is doing as well as can be expected. 

I consider myself a strong person but the raw grief experienced by the loss of my husband was an experience that I find hard to put into words. Uncontrollable crying?  Affirmative. Days spent semi-comatose on a couch? Affirmative. Weeks without food or sleep? Affirmative. Minutes and hours and days and months and years in a fog?  Affirmative.

I am now moving forward again. This is not the life I planned but it is my life. Since I have no alternative, it will have to do and I will have to do it well. That's how I roll.

I'd love to hear updates from everyone. I miss you!!!!  Debbie

Comment by Deb S on October 20, 2017 at 5:14pm

Mary Jane, Like Debby P, I'm sorry you are sick and that your trip wasn't amazing. Rain every day isn't welcome when on vacation. I hope you feel better soon.  Debbie

Comment by deborah peck on October 20, 2017 at 2:51pm

sry to hear that you are sick Mary Jane, even sadder to hear your trip wasn't what you wanted it to be, its so hard to go away and then come back to a silent house. How is your cat? hope it wasn't anything serious, get some rest , debby P

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 19, 2017 at 5:25pm
Hi guys..I’m baaack. It was a wonderful, but terribly weird trip..overshadowed HUGELY by the fires in Santa Rosa CA...where my daughter lives 30 miles from. By the grace of God, the wind went East instead of West..leaving her area untouched...but many of her co-workers lost their homes.
This is going to be a very short post...I developed a deep cough about 2 Days b4 I flew home, at the Dr today, confirmed walking pneumonia, and the antibiotics are really doing a number on my body. I did follow Legacy during the trip, and it did seem kinda the Facebook site done yet? Do you like it? Ok, I know this is an odd post, but I am in a very odd place..oh yeah, the day after I returned I had to take kitty to the vet! I don,t think I will b going away again for quite awhile. Last Dec I was ok, cuz I still was in denial that BOb was really dead..this time I had faced that fact, and really missed it rained almost every day. So I will post again when I feel better. Bye guys.

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