Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on May 12, 2018 at 11:11pm

I don’t believe this. 3 minutes ago I was having a cigarette in the garage ..with th door to the kitchen slightly ajar and I saw a Dark shadow under the door..u guessed it..a medium black spider was walking into the I smashed it with the phone book in the garage...then I had to wipe him up, as he would have been stuck to the kitchen threshold forever. All this spider talk..and this is the first one of the season. Now I am afraid to smoke in the garage, and I can,t smoke on the porch after dark cuz the June bugs attack me. Maybe I will finally quit. Yeah, I wish. Goodnite kids.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 12, 2018 at 10:00pm

Oh, I forgot the HUGE precaution..that I will not EVER sleep on a bed without a headboard.where the mattress touches thE wall. That is like a written invitation..for mr. Spider to crawl along the baseboards on the floor, up the wall, and on to your bed pillows that are touching the wall. Actually, that is how my guest bedroom is, and when ever I had to sleep on that bed, I moved the mattress and anything else that touched the wall away from it.

ok, I am only 4 ft 9 inches tall...and I cannot climb into bed (new mattress) without a step stool. I keep it under the bed, and pull it out each evening, (turning it over to make sure a spider isn,t inside the plastic top) I leave it beside the bed at night but always far enough to NOT touch the dust ruffle along the bed, or any blankets that might get droopy and hang over the bed.

CAN YOU SAY ANAL???  Yes, I really need help. I don,t think I am so much afraid of the spider, as I am of the SURPRISE of it. I have been bitten by a brown 2014 on the ankle. I never saw it or felt it. The sad part is the really scary looking ones, like the wolf spiders, are not harmful...I actually swept one out the front door instead of killing it. Ironically, tho it was as big as a quarter, I happened to stomp my foot next to it in fear and frustration...and the spider hunched up its legs in terror! I just couldn,t kill I talked to it, told it to stay right there..near the front door, and I ran and got the broom and swept him outside.

i have about 20 telephone books stashed all over the house “just in case” but after I drop the phone book on one, (there is NO WAY I will step on one..eewwwww)  I am afraid to lift up the it stays there for quite awhile...cuz it might still be alive. Honestly, this is a horrible way to live. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 12, 2018 at 8:37pm

Ok, first off..Steve..that was I wonder how Deb is doing...last night around 6 pm Central time zone, I was vacuuming and suddenly she popped into my brain! I dunno I said a silent prayer that she was ok...but it was kinda strange and out of knowhere...

Now..CHUCK and MARSHA...ENOUGH about the spider. It freaked me out yesterday when I read it, and it is still freaking me out now...oh God! A spider in my BED???  A big one? OMG! And you squished it all over your linens? Hopefully my imagination is worse than it was..but I don,t want to know.

I jump thru a lot of hoops to always be on my guard in case I see one. Upon entering a room, even tho I have just been in there, my eyes scan the room, looking for renegade spiders, or silky threads that might dangle, or a shadow that moves. My bed frame is metal...I read that they don,t like metal, none of my bedclothes touch the floor, even bedskirts...they have to be taller from the floor than a large spider could climb. I never open a large box without wearing gloves, and even my sandals have a one inch sole. I never put on a shoe without banging it on the floor, and my shoes are NEVER left on the floor. I shake garments before putting them on, even if they have only been on the hanger a few hours..(like from the dryer).i shake folded towels from the linen closet before I use them to dry off from the other words, I am very OCD. Lol. It has been suggested I “see someone” about this, as it is very crippling. I won,t sit on anyone’s outdoor Furniture...well you get the idea. 

If you think about it...what other insect invades your space like spiders? Not many snakes under the bed...maybe ants...but just take away what they r trying to get, and they just go away. 

I have rescued little snakes from Rudy before he could kill them...three alive, one I was too late...I just put on my gloves, pick them up and put them in the garden. The last one was questionable  as it was patterned, so I put it in covered Tupperware, and Googled it to make sure it wasn,t poisonous, then put him outside...but just THINKING about spiders freaks me out. EEEEEKK!

Comment by Marsha H on May 12, 2018 at 4:41am

Dear Chuck ...  Here's a fitting song from me to you!

He seems to have luck with that gal, but so far all I've been able to attract is that spider, ant bites, a few glances my way (must have something in my teeth) so I've decided to go on crowded buses and pinch a few 'you know what's.'  LOL  This gal needs some action other than spiders, snakes, squirrels and coyotes.  Ewwwww!

Comment by Marsha H on May 12, 2018 at 4:34am

Dear Chuck ...  I guess that spider issue was pretty funny.  I detest spiders!  Mice don't bother me.  I must be some twisted sort of woman.  LOL  

You often make me laugh as well, but also your writing can bring me joy or reduce me to tears which is a fine quality you have about you dear brother.  

We are having beautiful weather here and not too hot so have been gardening my little fingers to the bone.  I love to going to flower nurseries and went Friday night to mooch around and see what I could bring home with me and I ended up with gorgeous New Zealand Impatiens.  6 are so white they actually glow at night and the other is somewhat white with a deep pink/red around the rim and so beautiful.  Something about getting your hands in the dirt and seeing plants grow to sooth the savage beast!

Love to you both and have a great weekend, 

Comment by Steve G. on May 11, 2018 at 7:58am

To my Legacy family,

As I read your posts, I am constantly reminded and amazed at the courage and determination by each and everyone to overcome grief.  We move as one and we think of each other as we try to "lighten" someone else's journey.  Never in my life time could I have imagined that total strangers could express so much love and caring.

Thank you one and all, I leave with you this note I found online:

Death leaves heartache no one can heal...

Love leaves a memory no one can steel...

Blessings to you all my brothers and sisters

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 11, 2018 at 7:08am

Dear Deb,

My thoughts and prayers go with you as you revisit a lovely place that will stir memories and deep feelings in your heart. Nature has always been for me a refuge, a retreat. and a place of healing when my soul was torn. May it be so for you now, and God Bless You!

Love, Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 11, 2018 at 7:04am

Dear Patty, how kind you are, and your words describe perfectly how I myself felt when I realized that I had been led to a family of caring individuals - all different from each other in a hundred ways - who embraced me in my anguish, let me cry on their shoulders as much as I needed to, and always came beck with a gentle word of support and guidance.

Oh would that the entire world could show each other such generosity and acceptance - how wonderful would that be?

Wishing you a peaceful day today, and in the coming weekend. Going through holidays and special occasions for the first time without your dear Basil will be hard on you I know. We are all with you, holding your hand and steadying you when you feel uncertain - believe that please.

Much love,


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 11, 2018 at 6:57am

Dear Marsha,

I am still chuckling at the way you describe your savage attack on that spider - "hammered that sucker into the middle of next week" indeed! Wherever you got your wonderful knack for turning a phrase and your delightful sense of humor, don't ever lose it or stop sharing it with us all here.

Even in the depths of our mourning - or perhaps especially then - we need the occasional levity to release our stress and tension. Bless you for always bringing me a smile and a laugh , often when I need it the most.

I send back big hugs to my sweet sister from the North! I will soon be envying you your climate as the dreaded Texas summer hear assaults me and Steve!

Love, Chuck

Comment by Marsha H on May 11, 2018 at 5:35am

Mary Jane ...  You make me blush!  LOL  You are also a catalyst and offer such wisdom in your posts and often make me smile at your sense of humor or just explaining something makes me want to laugh and I do.  Thank you for being here! 

Oh, by the way, the other night I was getting into bed when I spotted a big, black spider on my blanket.  Ewww!  I freaked, but I sure hammered that sucker into the middle of next week!

Hope you are out of pain, at peace and have a wonderful weekend my friend.




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