Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


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Comment by Marsha H on February 14, 2019 at 3:37pm

Valentine's Day was only special to Ernie and I because I would cook a fancy meal, make him a heart-shaped cake and we'd give each other cards.  I would get flowers (of course not always roses) but we used Valentine's Day just to spend the evening together after a nice meal, dessert and then sit in front of an open fireplace all cuddled up together.  We did this because our lives were busy, but always knew we loved each other and Valentine's Day didn't need to remind us.  Since Ernie passed away I still get him a Valentine's card and place it on top of his box of ashes.  May sound strange, but I feel he's still around and he's my one and only.  One never knows.

I too look at other couples racing around buying cards or gifts of some sort and it feels like my heart is plucked out so like Trina, I try not to look and keep as far away from anything that is a reminder.  

I wish all of you peace for today and just remember the good memories and that your loved one is there with you.  I honestly believe that.

Hugs to all


Comment by Mary. Jane on February 14, 2019 at 12:38pm

Hello and welcome, Debbie.

you have come to a wonderful place...everyone here is going through what you are experiencing, some recently, some a few years in. So we know what to say, we know exactly how you are feeling, cuz we are experiencing the same thing. I bless the day I finally found this place, for it has been a life saver. I come here and pour my heart out, and the good people here I hope you will continue to come here..even if you don,t feel like posting, somtimes just reading what we have/are experiencing is very cathartic. 

My husband of almost 49 years, died 3 years ago, of brain and stomach fact, next week it will be the 3rd anniversary of his death. I miss him more than I could ever express...and have spent the last 3 years basically just sitting around, doing nothing but aching for him. The last year, I have had to sort through his things, and my stuff, as I have to move back to California. 

We never threw anything out...and it has been heart wrenching trying to let go of most of his things..but it has to be done. Of course, I am keeping all the very special stuff...but every tiny thing has a memory attached..sorting thru .the photographs has been the biggest nightmare...

i am happy to see you keep a journal. So do I...I have already filled one up, and am half way through another...Bob died at home, with myself and our kitty...and I thank God every day he didn,t die in some hospital, but at home with people who loved him. I get the feeling Tommy’s death was unexpected, and I am so sorry. 

Valentine’s Day is just another day for me...Bob wasn,t very good with holidays...I think he resented the fact that our society dictates assigned days when we are all supposed to buy cards and flowers, and be HAPPY, DAMNIT! 

I wish u well...and hope you continue coming here.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 14, 2019 at 11:56am
I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. It’s been four and a half years since I lost my beloved husband Joseph. I empathize with you fully and pray that your solo journey ahead is becomes bearable over the years.
This is a good forum where all the members care about each other. Do come and post here whenever you want to have a sympathetic ear, people who understand.
Hang in there! Peace.
Comment by Debbie R on February 14, 2019 at 11:46am

This is my first post and I just want to say I hope everyone here is having as good a day as possible with all you've all been through.  I never thought I'd join a group like this but I lost my Tommy on May 31st after 26 years together and it still hurts like crazy.  Today's holiday doesn't help since it's my first without him.  We never made a big deal about it but always exchanged cards and I'd buy him a box of candy and he'd give me a stuffed animal or something cute.  Like many of you, we didn't live by the calendar but instead, showed our love 365 in a million different ways.  Boy do I miss him.

His death was unexpected and finding him will haunt me for the rest of my life.  Journaling helps but it's going to be a loooooooong road I can tell.

I wish all of you the best in your journey forward.  You are definitely not alone and it's nice to see the friendship on this site. 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 14, 2019 at 11:38am
Same here. Valentine’s Day was not a big day for Joseph and me. If it happened to fall on a weekend or if it were convenient, we would celebrate on that day. We didn’t feel like we had to show each other our love and devotion on a specific day of the calendar just because Hallmark helped hype up this day. Fortunately, I don’t have any special connection to this day. But it is true, hearing everyone making plans for this day brings a little sadness.
Hope everybody has the best day as they can today.
Comment by Sara Murphy on February 14, 2019 at 11:27am
Valentine's of those holidays that feels like a punch in the gut. Ken and I never lived by the calendar so we were never big on Valentine's Day. Just because the calendar says Feb 14 is the day to express your love, doesn't mean it's convenient. I'm sure many couples have had big arguments because of expectations that fell short. Not Ken and I. If it happened to be a year where Feb 14 was convenient, then we would go to dinner or do something just to spend time together. If it wasn't convenient then oh well, we just pick a night that suits us. It was far more meaningful to receive flowers on any random day of the year just because Ken was thinking of me. Or when I would come home from work and he was already home and preparing dinner for me. We didn't need a calendar to tell us we should do something to express our love and commitment but yet still on this day, it hurts so much to see and hear all the plans other couples have. Today is a good day to stay off Facebook. It's in my own best interest not to see all those posts.
I hope you all can make it through this day without too much additional grief.
Comment by Sara Murphy on February 10, 2019 at 12:30pm

Pete....i'm sorry you've been ill and will be praying for your recovery.   I'm glad you're still keeping tabs on us, even if it's from the shadows.


Comment by Chicago Beard on February 9, 2019 at 6:32pm

I have blocked Brianna!

Comment by DJ on February 8, 2019 at 10:17am

Pete, long time no see.  I hope you get the better of your illness.

Thanks for the tip to block that account.

Comment by Steve G. on February 8, 2019 at 6:30am


Hope your recovery goes quickly, feeling sick is not fun.

I am slowly getting my own strength back and some days are better than others. 

I too miss your posts, get well brother, untill then you will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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