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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
Latest Conversations: 14 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on June 15, 2019 at 3:41am

Dear Francis ...

We like you too!  It is unfortunate you have to join Legacy, but it's the most wonderful place to be and I don't think I could have made it without all the angels on here.  When one falls the others come forward to pick them up.  Any problem big or small is never to great for us.  We are family here and now you have come to join and be part of it.  I live just outside of Vancouver, British Columbia Canada so time-lines are all different which means someone either the U.S. or little old me will answer your posts.  Feel free to ask or discuss anything you like as we never pass judgement.

Frances, you don't have to let your husband go because he's in your heart and eventually you will get to the point you can smile or even laugh at the fond memories you had together.  Don't second-guess yourself and if you feel he's around you then he is.  Why do I believe this?  Because we were in deep love with our spouses and they with us and spent even one or years together and deep love such as this simply just doesn't fade away.  I will always believe my sweetie is here if I really need him.

Big hug to you

Marsha

Comment by Frances C Younger on June 14, 2019 at 9:47pm

Marsha, Lisa, Sarah,     I wish we had a like button or something.  Thank you for your comments.

  I do need to let go, my logic tells me that.  I am just missing his voice, his smile, his personality so much.  I do have a logical mind.  I do know the rings were too tight, and I acknowledge that I have lost some weight.  I started to at least put my wedding ring on last night, but thought about all those possibilities Sarah mentioned.  In fact two nights before I worried they would have to be cut off.  I don't know if the signs I experience are him, but it gives me comfort to think they are.  I know he would if he could.  Marsha, you are right-too many of us have seen what seems to be communication.  The universe is a might big place, and we know so little.  Lisa, kind of like the idea of multiverse.

Comment by Sara Murphy on June 14, 2019 at 11:32am
Frances, I'm not so sure he's telling you it's time to move on. It could also be that it's now or would soon be unhealthy to have such tight rings on your finger which could affect circulation. As part of his watching over you, he found a way to get the rings off before they needed to be cut off. You could put them on a chain to wear around your neck.
Comment by Lisa Hamilton on June 14, 2019 at 7:56am
So...here’s what I wrote 6-11-19
I came across the idea of multiverse recently, and it relieved me. I didn’t know there was a term for living in more than one place at once, but I know the feeling of existing in more than one place.
This afternoon, I sit with my ailing husband, wondering if he is turning the corner yet again, or if his collection of illnesses and disabilities is finally out of hiding places.
I live again in the moment of my first husband’s funeral, 28 years ago today. I held our child tightly, whispering that DaDa loved bagpipes as I carry him down the aisle of the church to the tune of Amazing Grace.  I am living too, in the moment at the grave when his pudgy hand gave me a speckled birdie feather.
In all the time since Amazing Grace was piped again at his funeral, in every feather I’ve found in those nearly three years of just yesterday, of forever ago, of now.
I live in a multiverse as I live in my blood. My blood flows in my veins, yet it is not the blood gathering outside a cut also my blood? My son was my son when my blood flowed through both of us as much as when he lived in his own apartment as much as the day I placed his ashes in the ground, my tears staining the ground.
I am bound by time and space, and yet grief makes me aware that I live in a multiverse. Is it too much to hope, too illogical to believe that my husband and our son also live in a multiverse? A myultiverse more boundless than my own?
Comment by Marsha H on June 14, 2019 at 6:22am

Dear Frances ...  There is no doubt most of us on here have had signs from our departed spouse.  I have and believe it's true.  My husband passed away in 2011 and I still get signs from him.  That being said and to be honest I simply think when you flung your hand (your husband's wedding band was big on you) the ring just went flying.  As far as your engagement ring and wedding band flying off your finger and it was snug on your finger then yes, I believe your husband was telling you it was OK to get on with your life.  He would want you to be happy.  

I believe you will get many signs from your husband as the months go by and possibly years.  When we are in raw grief sometimes those signs go unnoticed or, grief counseling try to us that we just can't accept the death and think they are signs, but how would they know as no one knows what happens after death.  To many of us on here have had signs and myself, I believe my dear husband comes to peek in on me just to see how I'm doing.

Happy to see you posting Francis and even though it may seem slow on here at the present time someone generally comes on.

Keep believing!

Marsha

Comment by Frances C Younger on June 13, 2019 at 3:41pm

Two days ago, I was talking to my 18 year old grandson and fiddling with my husband's wedding band on my finger.  When I motioned with my hand -- to emphasize a point, my husband's gold band flew across the room.  It was large on my finger.  What I did not expect was for my engagement ring and wedding band to slide off my finger.  For 2 years, it they have been stuck!  I was afraid they might have to be cut off.  The mark where the rings were is strange to look at - empty.  Is he trying to tell me that it is time to move on?

Comment by Sara Murphy on June 5, 2019 at 11:18am
Chicago.....It's good to hear from you. I hope you were able to recall all the happy memories of your time with Rose and smile through the tears. I know it's easier said than done but it's what I myself am trying to do. Please do check in with us every now and then to let us know how you're doing
Comment by Marsha H on June 5, 2019 at 5:40am

I agree with Mary.Jane.  It's called Mental Telepathy and no voice, but our brain hears the message loud and clear.  I have experienced it also.  It is comforting to know they are really there when you need them.

Comment by Mary. Jane on June 3, 2019 at 7:25am

Ok, I just had to answer this, although I am supposed to be getting ready for the home inspectors ..it’s  about our loved ones communicating. They DO answer us...it’s just not in their voices...it’s the single thought that pops into our head as we r talking to them, or thinking about them, or even better, about to make a decision...where a bit of advice will pop into your head...It sounds like YOU are replying to your self..but it is THEM, with either an answer to the question we just asked...or the advice on should we do something..I am not making sense..but I think you will “get it” .

I find it very comforting and nice they are still around watching over us. 

Comment by Marsha H on June 3, 2019 at 5:09am

Trina ...  I always look forward to seeing you post!  Miss you!

You are also right about cancer and more and more people who have the type of cancer which has little cure are opting out on Chemo or Radiation.  It is a nasty disease and takes so many lives.  

Smart that you left a living Will.  You bet cancer is a million dollar business and if you mention anything to your doctor or get angry about it they either stay quiet or like what Mary.Jane said they can get uppity, but they know more than they are saying.  I know, my family doctor that retired we had many conversations about this very thing.

I too talk to Ernie every day and sometimes I can feel him around me.  I think we'd be in shock if they actually answered us!

I hope you are doing much better my dear friend.

Hugs

Marsha 

 

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