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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1372
Latest Conversations: on Sunday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Diamond on July 24, 2019 at 11:16am
Hi Deborah we are told even in the Bible not to judge. We are all individuals with different personalities and preference. I am an introvert and I embraced that aspect of my personality. It is a gift which allows me to be very discerning and compassionate toward the human race as a whole. Those that judge allow me to,see the window of their heart and keep me aware of their energy and the caution to take in forming relationships with those who cast judgment.
Comment by deborah peck on July 24, 2019 at 10:35am

Francis, I too am more of an introvert, my husband talked to anyone, I have a much harder time, its getting in the way of me doing volunteer work or getting a job to keep myself busy so I totally get it, none of us want to be judged but also think about the fact that the people that are judging others must leave a very pathetic life to have to sit in judgement of others, everyone has the right to be themselves as long as it isn't harming anyone else, I hope you find the church or whatever peace you are looking for

Comment by Frances C Younger on July 23, 2019 at 9:18am

Been taking grand sons to VBS.  There is a lesson for adults, and I have enjoyed them.  However, I find myself not sure who to talk to.  I have no program teaching to a group, but find being uncoupled a challenge.  Vaughn was social, I am an introvert.  I am trying to come to the zone Marsha is in- acceptance.  I do see the need for connecting to others - but at the samr time, uncomfortable a little about church.  I was raised in church, and have attended many faiths .lol - seeking, I guess.  I just want to live life on my own terms and not be judged.

Comment by Marsha H on July 22, 2019 at 5:13am

Dear Deborah P ...  I was in tears reading your post and I do know exactly how you feel.  Even though it's been 8 years since Ernie passed away many of my friends are having fun together as couples, going on vacation and making plans telling me all about it and I have to admit sometimes I feel angry that Ernie isn't here so we could do all those things and also envious of those that can.  Thankfully as time goes on I've learned to accept it and it does get easier, but every so often I tear-up, frustrated and wondering what my life is all about.

Big hugs

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 22, 2019 at 12:05am

Oh Deb..I totally get it.  I am so sorry.

i have kinda the same thing...in my new house, I now have all my belongings..al it in hundreds of boxes...but one HUGE thing is missing. Bob.  All his stuff is here..but he will never be here with us again. It seems incomplete...and I don,t think it will ever seem normal. 

Comment by Frances C Younger on July 21, 2019 at 12:47pm

Deborah, I am tearing up with you.  It is not fair, and we all know your pain.  It has been hard for me this week because a neighbor died, and I have been involved with his Mom setting up etc.  It is 6 months for me, and just too soon to revisit that pain.  After a good cry, you can handle this better.  They do not know the pain we feel yet - Thank God.  In fact, as positive as   I try to be, sometimes a little depression does seep in.  I am sending you a huge, and I mean huge cyber hug.

Comment by deborah peck on July 21, 2019 at 11:44am

sitting here in tears this morning, my sister who is on vacation sent me a picture of her and her hubby playing dominoes,simple right? not so much, the four of us always went to Gatlingburg for New Years eve every year where they taught Greg and I how to play Mexican train, it became such a favorite that Greg and I played all the time at home just the two of us, this picture is my screensaver on my phone and I would give anything for on e more game, and though I know she didn't mean anything by it, it truly brought me to my knees so not sure how to respond to her, I know she would never hurt me, she is my best friend but it hurt sknowing she can play with her hubby but I cant

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on July 18, 2019 at 1:31am

Thank you to everyone for your most kind and appreciated anniversary wishes - I still wish I could reach through the air and hug everyone, because you really are my family and have supported Steve and I all through this unbelievable journey we have undertaken.

I will try to write more soon, and wish I could focus my scattered thoughts more easily to share some of my feelings regarding the discussions here. Reading the exchanges always reminds me of how many truly good and compassionate people there are in the world - something I seem to need reassurance of more frequently these days. 

Wishing good health to everyone, and a peaceful and pleasant summer as the temperatures climb and the weather sometimes threatening. Stay safe, take things slowly when possible, and God Bless you all!

Love, Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on July 18, 2019 at 1:20am

Dear Mary Jane,

Forgive me for not writing sooner, but I have been reading about your feelings about moving and can truly understand. Leaving my home in Bloomsbury NJ was so incredibly sad and confusing for me that I still don't know how to describe the experience other than to say it was like losing Larry all over again. I was very blessed to have Steve with his seemingly infinite patience and insight guiding me through it all.

Once here in Texas and our new home, I started feeling like I would never again feel "at home" and perhaps had made a terrible mistake, even though financially there was no possibility of keeping my former home.

One night I finally went down the rabbit hole. I had never had a security system with alarms, and even though it was explained in great detail how simple it was, my poor short term memory and quickly ignited anxiety made me very leery of the whole system. I was terrified of opening a door or window and inadvertently summoning police, fire, and the National Guard!

Then one evening it suddenly was triggered and the sound blasting through the house was deafening. Steve was trying desperately to disarm it, the phone was ringing, and I was contributing to the chaos by grabbing my cell phone and calling the one friend I had mead here to scream that I was getting out of this stupid (not the word I used at that moment) state and would he come pick me up? Steve finally literally ripped the box off the wall then spoke with the support people on the phone setting up a visit the next day. The police weren't summoned thankfully, and once everything was quiet he looked at me sitting in the corner and just shook his head. I felt so foolish but also like I was living in a dimension from the Twilight Zone and could never adjust.

Well, I have adjusted, and while there are many things I complain about, I realize that so long as Steve and I are well enough to care for ourselves and each other, we will be fine. 

I know that you will also adjust with time, and with new friends and interests will be fine - happy even, like your kitty. Just keep sharing with us, and remember we love you lots!

Love & hugs, Chuck

Comment by deborah peck on July 17, 2019 at 12:11pm

Francis I think I have a real ability to be in touch with those that have passed over but for some reason Greg doesn't, think maybe my grief is still too strong, maybe in time, I hope so

 

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