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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
Latest Conversations: Oct 15

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on October 15, 2019 at 10:53am

I just got a chance to read that, Chuck..thanks you for the wonderful laugh, WITH you, not AT you. These are the stories that we pass down, or tell everyone. You made us smile...we have all seen that ominous button, and wondered what happens if we push it. Now we know! Wow! I am happy you shared your experience. 

Comment by Diane C on October 8, 2019 at 11:35am
Too funny Chuck!! So glad to hear the humor, we certainly need that on here from time to time. Poor Steve, I can see the eye rolls and hear the sighs.... Thanks for the smile and laugh!! I do hope everything works out well. Thoughts, prayers and hugs to both of you!
Comment by deborah peck on October 3, 2019 at 11:42am

Chuck that is so funny, I can just picture all the chaos going on, gave me a good laugh. Hope all the test come out good, have been thinking of you both since reading this and said some prayers

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 2, 2019 at 11:04am
Oh Chuck....thanks for the laugh. That was funny, I only wish I could have been there to see it all first hand.
I hope with all of these labs and check-ups, the result is all good
Tell "Ricky" I say hello

Love, Sara
Comment by Charles E. Nelson on October 1, 2019 at 10:01pm

Hello everybody

L'shanah tovah to our Jewish members!

I have been wanting to post for days, but Steve and I have spent the last week going from one doctor's office to another having labs and check-ups for Steve following his radiation treatments last year. Today it was him having a bone density scan.

Yesterday we returned to the rheumatologist's office so Steve could have lab work done after fasting - our visit last week we discovered that one of the elevators was being repaired, so our ride to the eighth floor included many stops with people waiting each time the doors opened to go up or down.

When we got in an empty elevator due to the early hour, just as the door was closing a FedEx delivery guy rushed toward us and Steve said "Push the hold button". I, with my usual brilliance, pushed the red emergency button which set off a call to nearby paramedics and rescue squads heard over the speaker. As we paused at every floor, more people got on hearing the voices of responders asking if anyone could reply and what was the emergency. With everybody looking at me I sheepishly admitted over the speaker that the call was a mistake and I was sorry for causing alarm- literally.

The voice said not to worry, it happens - and Steve just gave me a look that I have come to recognize well - a mix of amusement, pity, and general resignation - I call it my "Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do" look. Some of you will get that I'm sure.

Anyway, I just thought you all might get a kick out of that, knowing that even though I may not be of great help to Steve lifting and toting stuff for him, the comic relief I provide is priceless.

Marsha, Sara, Deborah, and everyone else - I want to write individual to you each and hope soon things will calm down enough to gather my thoughts - but not too much - I do have to keep in form, and am available for weddings and bar mitzvahs for a small fee and travel expenses.

Love to all and everyone be well

Chuck 

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 30, 2019 at 9:11am
Deb....I too believe that was Greg letting you know he was there. It's nice that he hung out with you for a bit.
Comment by Marsha H on September 29, 2019 at 4:16am

Dear Deborah P ...  I believe it was Greg and what a wonderful experience you had.  My husband Ernie loved Robins and often when I take the dogs for a walk on the dyke a Robin will fly down and not even frightened of the dogs when it lands on the pathway.  It's as if the dogs know too.  So happy you experienced what you did.

Comment by Marsha H on September 29, 2019 at 4:13am

Sara ...  I feel exactly like you do.  We sure didn't ask for this.  We are the same people we always were, yet others don't seem to see us as individuals.  Thank you for the kind comment regarding myself being there my girlfriend, but after Ernie passed she was there for me.  Now it's my turn to help her out as best I can.  I do try my very best to fit in and not feel like a visitor even with my immediate family, but I have to be honest in saying I still feel that way.  

I hope things are going much better for you Sara.  You deserve peace and happiness.

Comment by deborah peck on September 27, 2019 at 7:06am

I have to share this, I was sitting on my porch the other day watching the birds at my feeders and a dove flew up on the steps of my porch then to the floor of it, it walked around for a minute, mind you I am maybe 2 feet away, then it went to the door mat and layed down, or hunched I guess, the way they do when they are staying awhile, it stayed that way for quite awhile until I reached for my phone to take a picture, I went inside to get a drink after it flew away and when I came back out it was sitting on the porch railing, was so very strange that I think it was Greg letting me know he was here, or I like to think that anyway. Did you know that doves mate for life, when their partner dies they will find another, isn't that so cool, I don't know, maybe Im seeing what I want to see but Ive never seen a bird act like that

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 26, 2019 at 11:22am
Marsha....I understand. I don't know where I fit in anymore either. I feel like I have an existence but not a life and I'm just a visitor in other people's lives. I have to work on changing that.
Your girlfriend is lucky to have you. Most of us have had to navigate this journey by ourselves because our friends/family can't understand. Now we're the people who will help them when the time comes.
 

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