Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: on Tuesday
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21.
Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22.
Debbie R ... Hope you got my email address. Sent it to your private account. If you have issues navigating to find it just leave me a post here.
Sitting on an empty pew. trying to think of Jesus, but can't get my mind off you. My Blues for today.
Debbie R ... You are part of our family (sisters and brothers) and as I always say 'angels' on Legacy. Please keep coming back and posting and there is not a thing you can see that we wouldn't understand. Never think for a minute anything you feel is silly or crazy because it's not.
I think it's wonderful you go to visit Tommy. No, he's not in the grave, but sitting next to you smiling and forcing those memories you both had together. You are never alone Debbie. Remember I said in another post that when we love our spouses so deeply and they loved us death does not stop that love. So much is not known of the unknown and as far as myself I believe our spouses are right there for us.
I've always been a really huggy person. LOL I'd love that big hug and one back at you. It would be so wonderful if all of us could meet somewhere, but never forget the longer you are on Legacy you feel like you know us.
Have a peaceful day my dear friend and I'm praying for you and all the other angels on here.
Big huge hug!
Steve ... That's absolutely beautiful and I BELIEVE! Thank you my dear brother.
It makes me feel better to think that maybe something I have said in some small way has helped you. This is what I found here right from the start almost 4 years ago. I know what you mean, that hearing about everyone's sadness and loneliness makes me want so much to be able to take it away, but of course I can't. All we can do is be here with and for each other, listening and sharing. In my mind I imagine a gathering of us all in person - I want the Kleenex concession on that event!
I think is so good that you visit Tommy on the weekends - were I close enough and able to drive, I would have done so where Larry's ashes are interred, but that was not possible. I got to visit there with Steve before moving from NJ in 2017, and hope we will go there again one day if we are in that area. I wonder often if his children or sister ever visit there. I don't think they do - I feel like I have lost an entire family after his passing, but sadly came to face the truth that for them, I never really was "family", just someone who lived with Larry.
Memorial Day approaches, bringing with it much talk about and appropriate focus on remembering our lost heroes. I send my love and hugs to all here whose spouses served our country in the services, and to all who themselves serve. This can be an especially rough time for us all, with constant visuals of cemeteries and graves. I pray for us all that we find some peaceful place in our hearts to remember and embrace our lost loves, who I know are watching from right beside us and loving us back.
Love and hugs to all,
Dear Family, I do not remember where I found this online, it is still my most favorite; below it is a Poem I also found that I re post from time to time. Hope everyone finds peace from reading these.
Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.
For those who believe:
I wish I could tell you of all that God has plannedBut if I were to tell you, you wouldn’t understandBut one this is for certain though my life on earth is o’reI am closer to you now than I was ever beforeAnd to my very many friends, trust God knows what is bestI’m still not far away from you, I’m just beyond the crestThere are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climbBut together we can do it taking one day at a timeIt was always my philosophy and I’d like it for you tooThat as you give unto the world so the world will give to youIf you can help somebody who is in sorrow or in painThen you can say to God at night my day was not in vainAnd now I am contented that my life was worthwhileKnowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smileSo if you meet somebody who is down and feeling lowJust lend a hand to pick him/her up as on your way you go.When you are walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind,I’m walking in your footsteps only half a step behindAnd when you feel the gentle breeze or the wind upon your faceThat’s me giving you a great big hug or just a soft embraceAnd when it’s time for you to go from that body to be freeRemember you’re not going you are coming here to me.I will always love you.
Marsha, Chuck, Charles - all of you who've come on here to help me understand this truly brings tears to my eyes. I don't even know what to say when I say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I had no idea the human body could feel such pain and I don't know how all of you have gotten "through it". It breaks my heart knowing that you've all felt the same way and I don't even know you. It's so sad.
I'm going to the cemetery to visit Tommy now, my usual weekend morning thing. I drink a cup of coffee as I sit on a shower curtain liner next to him (wet grass). I always take home a handful of pebbles because the grass hasn't grown in completely. I know he's not there but I feel it's as close to him as I can get right now and I chat with him and tell him how things are going. I know that sounds crazy but again, he's "right there" and I can see his beautiful face if I close my eyes.
Deb P, I'm so very sorry for what you're going through and I will say a prayer for you. Your Greg is still alive and well in your heart and your memories and I hope that after time, like a lot of these wonderful folks say, you will find some sort of peace and smile when you recall your times with your sweetie instead of cry. I'm very glad that you have a large family that supports you; that's a true blessing.
I hope everyone here enjoys their weekend (as much as possible) and I really do wish I could hug all of you. Nothing better than a good hug, right? I'm sad that you're all feeling the way you do and wish I could make it go away but I can't. Too bad we can't set up a nice picnic somewhere and enjoy each other in person :(
A hug to all of you. xo debbie
Dear Deb P ... My heart goes out to you and I can feel your pain and sadness. I agree with Mary.Jane. I too have had experiences where I feel Ernie around me. I ask Ernie to help me drive home in the dark after visiting my brother and his wife or out visiting a friend. You bet Greg is there for you. We deeply loved our spouses and I honestly believe the love doesn't stop after death. I also believe when it's our time to leave this earth our spouses will be there waiting for us. Perhaps they'll come to us and help us cross-over.
Your Greg is right there for you and you talk to him when you feel like it. My Ernie passed in April 2011 and Christmas Eve of that year I was wrapping last minute gifts on the coffee table when I felt a peace come over me. As I looked in the direction of where my wall unit was there he was! I was not drinking, not on drugs or hallucinating. I wasn't afraid as I stared at him. He seemed to be glowing with billions of stars shining (sort of like Patrick Swayze in Ghost. Hard to explain. Ernie elbow was leaning on the wall unit and he was smiling down at myself and dogs and then he disappeared, but I sensed he was still there. It was he wanted to let me know 'just checking in on you.' So my dear friend BELIEVE! You are never alone because Greg is there. One day you will be together once again. I am very cynical about 'signs', but I have been proven wrong.
Oh Deb..u don,t need to say goodbye...as he will ALWAYS be with you! Bob is always with me..I can feel him all the time...I have been reading the posts here but haven,t responded as I am finally selling and buying a new home...and have been in California looking for a home, and now it is happening too fast...but the great thing, is LOOK FOR SIGNS that GREG is with you. I am serious they are all around you! The cat actually stares into the air at vacant spaces where no one is there for long minutes..and if I call his name, he will look at me, then refocus on what he sees that I cannot. .we get butterflies, LOTS OF THE SAME BIRDS...I will open the blinds in the morning, at different times, and there is a Robin in the yard, facing me...and staring directly at me.as if he knew I was going to open that window...or another window...special numbers keep repeating on signs or clocks...too many things to be coincidents, for over 3 years. My daughter sees the same things, so it is not just me. So, I end up talking to Bob a lot! And it is comforting to know he is watching over us.
There is a little test you can do...I am ALWAYS misplacing things..little things..and a few years ago, I said something to the universe..”If Bob was here, he could FIND this for me.” Cuz he did that all the time...he would walk into the room I thought I last had the object...and find it instantly!well, either him!or the universe heard me...and I was able to locate whatever it was right away...at first I thought it was a fluke...but not any more...I ask Bob to help me find XYZ...and there it is! Or, it will pop into my brain where I left it...words or ideas that I KNOW are from him always help me...names of people, places, etc..I know I am rambling here...but our loved nes are still here..helping us get through life. I know this as sure as I know my name. It happens to Melinda (daughter) too...and her persona is totally different from mine. She is not flighty, spacey or distracted like I am.
So to all of you who think they have gone..they are still here...Bob has also done things like direct Melinda when she is driving...i.e. a random thought like taking a different way home pops into her head..and she finds out later, there was bad traffic, or different suggestions, or ideas...it is so hard to explain....but I urge you to listen! Open your hearts and minds, and you might be surprised...
I am sitting here on the anniversary of Gregs funeral, the date your supposed to say your good-byes knowing none of us really does say goodbye, I tried last year on this date to come to peace with his passing, silly me it doesn't work like that. I get on here when Im missing him because everyone here is going thru the same thing. I noticed a theme in your post today, and it makes me sad to know how many of you didn't have anyone to lean on when your loved ones passed away I am very lucky in the fact that I have a huge family and they are all here, I feel lonely in this thing called grief simply because no one truly understands what anyone else is going thru, we all grieve for different things we miss, but I am sorry you all feel alone, if anyone ever wants to talk my email is on my page and I am here for my "family"
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