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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on April 2, 2020 at 10:26am

Steve, that was good for a laugh. sounds like everyone is staying safe. I went to the store yesterday with gloves a mask and hand sanitizer, I read where a doctor said the mask wont help but also said it will remind you not to touch your face amd I am totally a face toucher. I culd not believe the people that were doing regular shopping, I mean one lady had her kids whole summer wardrobe in her cart, its crazy to me that they still don't get it, Ive only been out twice now and found it very stressful too much so to be able to shop for nonessentials , one little boy was touching all the toys trying to figure out what he wanted. I don't know what will happen in the end with all this so am praying that people wake up and realize we are all at risk and it wont stop unless we follow the rules. Be safe out there

Comment by Steve G. on April 1, 2020 at 6:33pm

Hi Legacy Family, found this on FB:

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave, toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The hoover was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it ....pull myself together

Comment by Marsha H on April 1, 2020 at 3:58am

To My Family:

Please don't let fear take over and succumb to paranoia.  I know it's easy for any of us to feel this way because we never expected a virus to hit us this way. By no means am I taking this virus lightly, but it's so easy for people panicking and hoarding food, water and the bare necessities.  Here are a few tips I hope you may try as most British Columbians are:

Shop at meat markets instead of big chain stores (they on allow a very few people in at a time and the same below.)  In most stores red exes 6 feet apart for customers in line-ups.

Go to smaller fruit and vegetable stores

There are food services where you can order your food and the store will deliver your groceries and leave them on your door step.  Pharmacies will also deliver medications.

It is fine to go for walks and stay 6 feet away from others walking. 

Find a hobby or start cleaning out rubble in your home.  Keep busy, but also cuddle up and watch a good movie.  A little news goes a long way and the media loves to dramatize in most news and watch a fun movie or listen to music more.  You may have heard of her, but I go online to Dr. Bonny Henry who tells it like it is in a calm voice and it's not always bad news.  She encourages people to get out and walk among other things and quenches the fear without down-grading this virus.  People who have good immune systems do get over this virus.  It's those with other illness'; compromised immune system and the elderly who are more at risk.

HYGIENE:

Most people forget they have good bacteria on their skin that protects us every single day of our lives.  Cut down the showers a bit and have basin washes re arm pits, feet and of course private parts and let the rest of your skin do it's work (Dermatologist recommended.)  Use the sanitizer when leaving your home and coming home, then wash hands with soap and water and then a good hand cream.  I notice the sanitizers can cause cracking of the hands.  Before going out again wash off the hand cream  before putting on sanitizer. 

All doctors here are saying the only people who need masks are those that have a cough, sneezing perhaps because of allergies so droplets don't fall on others or stay in the air.  Others who's immune system is not compromised shouldn't wear the masks.  Those in health care of course should.

Use a safe disinfectant spray on your shoes if you feel the need to.  We have had no indication that people bring home the virus on their shoes, but if people feel better doing it then they should.

I hope this helps and if you don't want to believe me, then please good DR. BONNY HENRY.  She's worth listening to.

Hey, at my age I think this virus took one look at me and said, 'let's get out of here guys!'  LOL

Love you all

Marsha   

Comment by Marsha H on April 1, 2020 at 3:30am

My dear brothers Chuck & Steve ...

I am pleased to read your posts and that you are both fine.  I know for all of us be American or Canadian this whole thing is like a science fiction movie and who would have guessed.  

Keep well both of you and praying for all.  We're going to get through this.

Love & Hugs

Your sis Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on April 1, 2020 at 3:28am

Sara ...  so relieved you are OK.  I don't blame you one bit for being angry at Spring Breakers.  Some just don't get it.  We have our beaches open (to cold anyway) and 6 feet distance and most parks and of course sports fields closed off and no sports at all.  All theaters; pubs and most restaurants are closed, but we have food drive-throughs.  Grocery stores have plexi glass; girls have gloves on and all items are on your side of the counter and you can only pay by debit card or credit card.  Hand  are right to your left.  I put it on going to the store and coming out of the store and then wash my hands with very warm water and soap.  I just find it quite lonely as I live alone with my 2 dogs.  I have a few friends who keep in touch and my sister-in-law.  Isolation is the worst part and I pray this virus is soon over.

Keep well my dear friend and prayers coming everyone's way.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Diamond on March 31, 2020 at 3:10pm

The loving thing to do is to limit ones interaction among people.  If you do so you will not only protect yourself but perhaps your love ones as well.  Take advantage of this time to reflect.  Yes, reflect on your life.  Where are you headed?  What do you need to do in order to set the path in the direction you really want to go.  Do you feel a need to reach out to someone who you may have been reluctant to in the past?  Take this time to be creative at home.  Do you need to declutter?   Life is still beautiful!

Take advantage of this time to look at all of God's creations - the plants, trees, sky, sun, moon and rivers.  Listen to all that he created -- do you hear the birds singing, the wind whistling, or perhaps the trees leaves blowing in the wind.  How beautiful the sound.  The air is cleaner - the waters are clearer - there is so much peace in the sky and in the ocean,  Our earth is enjoying the break from the pollutants and the water is rejuvenating itself to a clearer state.  So amazing to see the transformation before our very eyes.  What a beautiful earth we have and how long has it been crying out to breath naturally - free of bad toxins.  

Yes, take advantage of this time to appreciate all creations!

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 30, 2020 at 7:51pm

Thanks for the tip about the shoes Deb.  I hadn't thought about my shoes

Comment by deborah peck on March 30, 2020 at 12:09pm

Sarah stay safe out there, my daughter is being released Wednsday to go back to work, she never received her test results but it is 2 weeks so she is good, Chuck I went to an early morning grocery run and I too was surprised by the workers not wearing gloves, seems very risky to me, we can get groceries delivered but not getting what I ordered so decided to try this and got everything, although it was really scary being out and came home and washed all my clothes and disinfected everything, this all seems like a end of the world movie, I have been getting out and going for walk by myself and not even sitting on benches or even touching a stick, you just don't know. everyone that has to go out stay safe and Sarah take your shoes off outside and carry to closet, it can live on shoes for 5 days

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 30, 2020 at 10:40am
Thanks Marsha. I'm actually not that concerned. It's been 9 or 10 days since we were both in the office on the same day. A trip to the grocery store is more concerning than the office. I haven't been in the physical presence of family or friends for about 2 weeks. I stay in touch by text or phone call. Work meetings are video calls which helps to not feel isolated.
I wish everyone would start doing the right things so we can end this sooner than later. My blood was boiling watching spring breakers.

Steve...I'm glad you and Chuck seem to be holding up. I feel the same way about workers not wearing gloves and masks. I went grocery shopping Friday and disinfected my refrigerator and frozen foods but non perishables are still sitting untouched in the bags.
Again, stay safe everyone and please check in every now and then so we know you're ok
Comment by Steve G. on March 30, 2020 at 7:50am

Chuck and I are in self isolation, and have been since the end of Feb.  We order our groceries online and then drive to the store to pick them up.  They have special parking spaces and a specific phone number to call.  then someone  brings them out and loads them in the back.  the last time we ordered the wait for pick up was 4 days out.  some of the items we ordered were not available.  we sat there watching shoppers  going in without protection and it looked like there were a lot of shoppers.

I had to make a trip to CVS pharmacy yester day, wearing gloves and mask for my allergy meds and my prescription.  wanted to get some rubbing alcohol, and found none, was astonished to see none of the workers and the 3 others shopping were not wearing any protection.

We are still doing fine, staying indoors except to get mail and of course Chuck still feeds the birds.

we watch a lot of movies, talk to each other a lot, and chuck is making more masks from the cotton fabric he has and from a pattern he found online.  we intend to send some to his friend in upper state NY.  

there is an app you can download to your phone called zoom.  it allows you to set up a video conference call.  Chuck and his friend in NY talk once a week via this app it helps to see faces of whom you are talking to.

Stay safe is our message to all and sending hugs to all, we can all get through this together.

 

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