Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Joyce F. on March 14, 2010 at 11:07pm
My husband died March 9,2010...I just can't believe it, i feel lost.
Comment by Dee on March 14, 2010 at 10:53pm
Kathleen, I did go to the learn and read it. Thank you. I am not sure if it helps or not. I was looking in my husband's desk and found my birthday card. My birthday is March 16. I know he was thinking of me but it hurts more now. I found out from my husbands doctor that the hospital messed up. They caused his death by the meds they gave him. He should not have left me. I just want to be with him. We have been raising our grand daughter, she just turned 6. Kara and pop were very close. He was retired and I worked. He would take her to school, pick her up after school and fix dinner every evening with her. She would sit on the counter and help him. She would sit on his lap every evening and read to him. I try to stay strong for her but I am crying all the time. I can't stop. I think I am hurting her by crying all the time but I can't stop. I just want the hurt to stop.
Comment by jan on March 14, 2010 at 11:47am
Laurie, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 32 yrs 12/09. I feel the same way every night I pray that he will come and take me so I can be with him. If you have to cry, cry I think it helps...Try to smile he's always with you!
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 14, 2010 at 8:58am
Dee,On the top of this page,there is a section that says "learn"Hit it and pull up sudden death.My husband died 6 months ago from an M.I.It tells you how our coping mechanisms are so different due to not being prepared.It helped me understand why we question everything.It didn't ease the pain but I felt better after I read it.I had my pity party yesterday and I feel better today.But Dee,as we know it is a long ,dark,lonely road with many twists and turns.I'm sorry you have to travel it!Best wishes,Kathy
Comment by Cathy on March 14, 2010 at 8:50am
Craig, In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still. Although you've gone away, you walk beside me everyday, unseen, unheard, but always near.
You are still loved, still missed and very dear.
Love you always, Cathy xoxoxo
Comment by Yvonne on March 13, 2010 at 10:24pm
Hi Dee
I am so sorry for your loss. All of us here understand what you are going through as we have been where you are now. Your pain is so new and raw. Please understand that you are among friends here. I still have trouble eating and sleeping and I lost my Larry 7 months ago.
Larry passed away from a heart attack too. It was very sudden as was your loss. Please be assured that you did everything that you could. It is always easy to second guess ourselves after the fact. I also did not get to say goodbye and tell him how much I loved him. Though it is very hard, I am grateful that he did not suffer. He passed in his sleep.
I still have my bad days but I do not cry as often as I once did. I try to make him proud of me as I know he is watching over me.
Take care of yourself and make him proud of you. He still loves you as you do him
Comment by Dee on March 13, 2010 at 9:37pm
I just lost my husband of 25 years two week ago today. I can't sleep, cant eat and the tears just keep flowing. I have hurt so much. Ray was not sick. I took him to the hospital with chest pain. They did a EKG and said it was ok. They did some blood work and something was high. The doctor said he had a small heart attack. They were going to keep him for two day and take him to the Cath Lab and he would be able to go home. They took him to a room and as he got into bed he coded. They worked on him for 90 min. I never got to tell him how much I love him. I didn't get to say goodby. This was just too fash. How do you go on after something like this?
Comment by Virginia Geoffrion on March 13, 2010 at 4:10pm
It has been 4 years (6 February 2006) since the passing of my husband of almost 21 years, Mark Geoffrion. Mark had been ill for more than 12 years, with stomach cancer, as well as high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes, all due to morbid obesity. He was just barely 43 when he passed away.

We'd had our problems just as many couples have, but by the time we'd finally started working our problems out, it was too late. The day that he passed, he was having chest pains, feelings of nausea, cold sweats, and pains going down his arm. I dressed quickly, dressed him and rushed him to the nearest hospital. A doctor that was on duty rushed him into a room in the ER, and started working on him. I gave the triage nurse all of his information, the information was given to the doctor, and we were asked a few other questions. I was allowed to be in the room with him for a short time while the doctors were trying different air masks on him, but eventually they couldn't find anything that would work so they decided to put him under and insert a breathing tube. He lay there so still and pale, and for some reason I knew it wouldn't be long before something happened. While I was sitting in the family waiting room at the hospital, he went into cardiac arrest and died. But before I left his side to go into the family waiting room, he apologized to me for all of the arguments that we'd had, and told me that he loved me and always had. He just realized that he'd had a hard time letting me know how much he loved me all those years during our problem times, because he'd gone through abuse as a child, and never learned how to love until me. When the doctor came in to the waiting room and told me that there was nothing that they could do, and that he had passed away, my heart sank into my chest and I went into shock. The doctor told me that I could go in and see him for one last time before I claimed his belongings. I stood there by his still, lifeless body and asked him as if he could hear me; "why couldn't you have taken better care of yourself", "why couldn't you have told me more often than now how much you loved me", and "how am I supposed to live without you"? I called up my employers and informed them that my husband had passed away, and they had me spend the night at their house. The next morning I woke up, started reading a magazine article about Sean Penn's older brother dying from cardiac arrest due to morbid obesity, and I finally broke down and cried.

His memorial service was the weekend after he passed way, and his ashes were finally distributed this past summer between three different casinos that he liked going to in Biloxi, MS. If anyone were to ask me if I miss him, the answer is a definite yes, but after my period of mourning, I learned that life has to go on, and that is what he would have wanted for me. Over time, I have since found someone new, who loves me just as much as my husband did, and I have developed breast cancer which the new man in my life is helping me to fight. I don't know if I will make it through my cancer treatments, but if I don't it means that Mark is calling me home to be with him.

RIP Mark. You are loved and very much missed.
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 13, 2010 at 7:47am
Well today is 6 months since i've seen my husbands smiling face!I survived.I didn't think it possible,but it happened.Today I'll relive that day and play it over and over in my head.Kick myself a few times for not realizing how serious he was.And you know what! He's still going to be dead!God,I miss him.But I'm so thankful he was in my life!His b-day is in April,we were to start our retirement years,relax and travel,see the back roads,look for junk.He was so funny,we took a ride last year to Don Garlit's museum.He about broke his neck looking at old houses with tall grass growing around things,just knowing there was "good stuff"under there!At least I have my memories,46 years of memories!How lucky am I?Through this journey of life,I've not been bored!!!Thought he would drive me crazy a few times but not bored!Thank you,Ernie,I love and miss you!
Comment by Brian Clark on March 12, 2010 at 3:56pm
My name is Brian Clark (72) and my wife of 21 years died suddenly 12/28/09.
I would like to join any support group(s) in the San Diego area. Please send me any information or known activities coming up I would appreciate your help.
(619) 472-1185
Brian Clark

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