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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary Leaver on December 3, 2009 at 10:47pm
Charles: When I lost the reason I lived and breathed Jan 14, 2006...even my toenails hurt. I'd go out on the patio and scream at God for taking him from me, at Joe for daring to be sick and for giving in to his bad heart. And I promise that if one more person told me that my pain would ease with time, I was going to do bodily harm! And to further complicate things, I had a very large tumor removed from my throat 2 weeks after Joe died, had to put his dog down in May, my aorta valve replaced in Nov and lost my really good job the following Aug! But it does get easier with time. Your pain is still very raw, all of us on this site have been there (GB Steve Cain for this site). It's the hardest thing any of us will do in our lives. If we didn't love those gone so much, there wouldn't be this much pain. DO seek grief support comfort from your church, fm Hospice, check newspapers or community bulletin boards as well. It really does help. I wore my wedding ring till last year, you'll know when it's the right time to take it off. Grieving is ALL ABOUT the living, so do what gives you some peace/comfort, there are NO timetables, no grieving etiguette! You'll find all kinds of suggestions here from each of us who've been walking the path you are now on. The "firsts" are going to be especially hard and we're coming up on Christmas, New Years and Valentines in rapid succession. Prepare yourself for those days any way that you can. Grief won't be cheated I'm sorry to tell you. Walk that path KNOWING that you've made a significant difference in someone's life. AND THAT you'll find your way to making a new life with your memories (her legacy to you & your family). You will, Charles. We all have. It hurts, cuts deeper than anything I've had to deal with before...but there are more easier days now than hard ones. The holidays were our favorite and the memories of getting to Jan 14th that awful year. I've worked hard at establishing a few new traditions and I include Joe in one of them...a remembrance ornament I hang on Christmas Eve. I smile more often now when I remember our great life together, there are still tears...but there are more smiles remembering the joy and all the love...then there are tears. I believe it's finally getting easier. The grief path is a forever thing Charles. In our own unique way, we each find a way to survive with our memories and make a new life for ourselves. We are ALL here for you...write us whenever/how ever often you need our shoulders. They are all seasoned with your same pain. GOD BLESS YOU CHARLES. Remember, "Always Blessings ~ Never Losses".
Comment by Charles on December 3, 2009 at 9:40am
I lost my wife, lover and my best friend on Oct 2.I was holding her in my arms as she took her last breath.She had fought Multiple Sclerosis for 13 years.My purpose in life has gone.I do not know how to go on.I have put up about 100 pictures of my love all over so I can keep her close.I went to a grief session at church but I could not open the door to go inside.I hurt to much.I see that a lot of other people here understand what Im going through.I still have my wedding ring on, Im still married as far as Im concerned.They say it gets better with time. Im not so sure.
Comment by Eileen Lopez on December 1, 2009 at 9:54pm
I loss my husband on Nov. 7, 2009 a day after his birthday. Thanksgiving Day was hard,,, this was his favorite holiday. He would get up at five in the morning and start cooking the turkey. I missed his smoked turkey this year. I thought I could be strong and go on with live but it has been hard. I started feeling sick today and had to leave work and go home to rest. It was my second day back at work and I guess everything just caught up with me. I was looking for a support group to start going to but I didn't find one in town. I thankm God I foujng this one on the web. I miss him so much,, we had been together 25 yrs. and he was only 47 when he went to be with the Lord. We had so many plans that will never come true. Everyone tells me it will get better in time but I foind that hard to believe right now. God bless everyone here who has lost their loving spouse.
Comment by Jeanette Kilpatrick on December 1, 2009 at 10:43am
My husband, James, died May 23, 2009. I didn't dream it would be so hard. I became so depressed that i didn't want to live. Then I got a brochure from the City Rescue Mission about their needs. I got up and got to work on a project for them and I am doing so much better. Our 60th wedding anniversary would have been July 29, 2009. I am so glad to have found a reason for me continuing to live. I still get depressed and cry, but I am handling it better since I have a need to fullfil. My advice to you is to accept what has happened and find something worthwhile to occupy your life. It helps.
Thanks for listening. Jeanette
Comment by Jeanne on November 28, 2009 at 5:39pm
This thanksgiving was very very hard....painful, but it is over and on to the next challenge being without my wonderful husband...He has been gone 6 months now....Have to get through Christmas...Wish I could go somewhere on an island for a month or so.....
Comment by Teresa on November 28, 2009 at 12:19pm
My name is Teresa, and I lost my beloved husband March 4, 2009. We were only married for 7 months but he had such a passion for life, we made every second count. Before I met Michael Coyne, I didn't believe in soul mates, maybe because I suffered two failed marriages. My Knight in Shining Armor rode into my life in a wheelchair, instead of a horse, but he was more a man than anyone I had ever met. He was the kind of man who made everyone in his life feel like they were the most important person in the world, I found something with Michael that some woman never find in a lifetime. That life is a celebration, life was so precious to him and he fought to live each day to the fullest. Somedays I dont want to go on either, but I know I have too, because of what my husband taught me. So, I am not done being Mrs. Michael Coyne, I am trying to carry on with some of the goals we had as a couple.
I miss him so mucch.
I read all the posts here and I wanted to say my heart hurts for each of you and I am so sorry. Empathy means your pain my heart. I hope we can encourage one another.
In sympathy, Teresa
Comment by Brigitte on November 27, 2009 at 5:10pm
I actually made it through Thanksgiving!! Let's see what December brings. Hope all of you did well. We will get through this and I know that Douglas was with me yesterday, just like he is with me everyday. You can't take away the memory or love I have for this wonderful man. He is my hero and guardian angel.
Comment by Brigitte on November 24, 2009 at 3:34pm
This is my first Thanksgiving holiday without my beloved Douglas. It is more difficult then I expected. I find that the lump in my throat grows larger as Thanksgiving day approaches. Just when I thought I might have it together I am reminded that I don't need to buy that 25 lb turkey, yams, and the other fixings. Who would have thought that going to the grocery store during this time of year would be so hard? I stood in front of the turkey display and started to cry. Is that silly?? I don't believe it is -- I am grateful that I can still cry. Holding it in would be more difficult and cause more grief. For Christmas I am going to sit home in front of the fireplace on a huge blow up mattress with my dog, Fremont. He and I will eat junk food, I will drink hot chocolate and he can have the whip cream, and we will watch all of those old Christmas movies that Douglas and I collected over the years on DVD. And if I want to cry and scream I will. I will be thinking of all of you during this time and know that you are in my prayers as well.

In peace,

Brigitte
Comment by Wendela on November 24, 2009 at 12:21am
I'm saying a prayer for you, and for each one of us who have lost our beloved spouses. This holiday season will be such a hard time for us all. I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, looking at making it through one day at a time, one hour at a time, one breath at a time. I believe we can do it. "Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow," as the hymn says. I'm praying that prayer for each one of us. God bless you, God bless us all.
Wendela
Comment by Ruth Richards on November 23, 2009 at 9:33pm
I'm a new member. I just finished reading all the comments. I lost my husband of 50yrs. nineteen mos. ago. I'm fine for a while and then all of a sudden I feel so lost. My husband was sick for 38 days. He died from asbestos from when he was in the Navy 50 yrs. ago. It lays dorment and when it activates it goes like wild fire. We did have enough time for all the family to say goodbye. That was a blessing. He told me to stay close to our church as he knew I would need that. The day before he went to the doctors we were both on riding lawn mowers - mowing our two acres. We did everything together. He was fine one day and dying with nothing they could do the next. We needed a wheel chair to take him in the hospital - the day before he was mowing - it made no sense. I don't get jealous seeing couples together - but when I see older couples at the mall - I went to tell them to hold hands - hang on to each other while you can - you never know what tomorrow will bring. The only regret I have is that we always said we wanted to go together, but I've come to realise that as hard as it is for me, it would have been harder for him. At least I can cook, keep the budget and keep the house up. I can't fix the lawn mowers, I have trouble when things break (that I know he could fix) but I can't. Then I tell myself he couldn't make gravy or bake a pie. I too have many times started to get in the passenger side of the car. I keep busy with stuff at church and visit the shut in's. That's my whole life now (witch isn't saying a lot) but it keeps me moving, I go to the library, I play games on the computer till very late as it's hard to sleep. I still hug his pillow that hospice gave him. I found a paper he wrote that said "Remember Mrs. Rich that HE is standing right beside you" I have it taped to my bathroom mirrow - it keeps me sane. I don't even have a picture of me by myself as we were always together. I can't complain too much as God gave us 50 wonderful years and for that I'm grateful. I just don't know how to feel whole as only half of me is here.
Thanks for listening. I pray for all of you each night.
Your new friend, Ruth
 

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