Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Nov 20

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by kathleen caylor on May 17, 2010 at 5:55pm
Fred,Julie,Sorry for your losses.When you need an ear to bend or just vent,this is your place.We have all bared our souls here.And you're right it is very theraputic.
Comment by Julie Cleveland on May 17, 2010 at 5:18pm
I lost my husband 3 weeks ago suddenly and have just found this site and have been reading posts. I have found comfort that there knowing that there are others out there suffering the way I am.
Thank You
Comment by Fred Dunn on May 17, 2010 at 3:04pm
I hope few (if any) choose to leave the site as I was set to choose another Psychologist but I find that this site provides me the insight that I am not alone in my loss, specifically the way it happened, and how long we were together.
It has been invaluable for me to hear (read) the way people are coping and reacting to their loss as I know I am not alone.

God bless all,
Fred Dunn
Comment by Mari on May 17, 2010 at 1:34pm
To Sandralee and will be 7 years on June 13. Larry was horribly sick the last year yet continued to work to set up what he felt he needed to leave behind for his family. His last day of work was June 1 and he died on June 13. They remain in our hearts and our souls and our minds forever. Never let go of the memory, but embrace life as much as you can. It is painful, it is lonely. But it will be what you choose to make of it. I finally have chosen to live life by making each day special in some way for Larry. These are sometimes big things I do but mostly just a very tiny thing that only I am aware of. For me he shall always be a part of my life. I miss him terribly but know he is in a better place without pain and without sickness...I am holding my hand out to both of you!

Comment by Patti Baker on May 17, 2010 at 12:25pm
Being new to this site I have been browsing the comments and the one that stands out is Yacca changing the tire. What a story, I have been in that situation before, myself. Now at age 74 I just call AAA. You did a great job , hope your days are getting better
Comment by Patti Baker on May 17, 2010 at 12:08pm
Charlotte and Sandralee, this is not an easy road we are traveling down. I lost my husband one year ago May 5th, I got thru the day with help of friends and family 3 days later our grandson was married -- more tears. The only advice I can give you is to stay busy even if you have to force yourself, I read at night and it makes the night go faster. I talk to my husband all the time, I visit the cemetery eventually the tears will not flow as much, there is always something to trigger them. I am still working - self employed - so it is not as stressful.
We were married 55 years - wonderful years- and I miss him more than words can convey. I have tried to keep busy socially SU football and basketball, Syracuse Stage, Pops concerts all of which I can go to by myself.
What I miss the most is going out to dinner,m going to the club, I did not join this year -- it was too painful going alone. Life does go on -- its just never the same...
Comment by Virginia on May 17, 2010 at 9:42am
Charlotte, I to have the same problem when I write.It is so frustrating. I just keep trying.I hope you feel welcomed here everyone is great P S I got your reply virginia
Comment by Sandralee Vahey on May 17, 2010 at 5:15am
To Charlotte Bannon:

Dear Charlotte, I lost my husband to lung cancer on May 4th and it has only been one week now. I loved him with all my heart. I find myself talking to him as though he is still here. I miss him so much that the minutes seem like hours and the hours seem to last an eternity. Toward the end he was in so much pain and so sick that he became extremely difficult to live with. Don't get me wrong I understood why and I loved him anyway. He had a tremendous amount of will power and even more pride. He did not want many of his friends and relatives to know that he had the cancer. He was always doing for others such as mowing their lawns, fixing or repairing something on their homes. As a result he endeared himself to so many people. Several of them did not know that he had the cancer. He was walking around right up until two days before he passed that's how strong his will power was. He was my strength when I needed it, my best friend always, the love of my life from the time we met twenty-three years ago. Our anniversary is on the 9th of June. His birthday is on July 9th and I am sitting here wondering what I will do without him. Mother's day was a total disaster. I cried the entire day I missed him so badly.

I just wanted you to know that I am deeply sorry for your loss even though I am completely heart broken over losing the love of my life. In a sense though I am happy for him because he no longer is in pain and is not suffering anymore. If god spoke to me and said "Sandralee, you may have your husband back" I would be lying if I said no but then I would have to remember how much pain he was in and I know that I have to let him go even though I feel so lost without him. In the meantime I sit here and I wonder "did I tell him I loved him enough". There are so many things that I would like to ask him but it is too late.

God bless you Charlotte and may he be with you always. Sandralee
Comment by Connie on May 16, 2010 at 10:00pm
Charlotte, Please accept my sincere sympathy in your loss. I lost my husband just over 6 months ago. It is so very difficult to lose the love you have had for most of your life. We were married 46 years and I miss him so very, very much. You will feel his presence at some point. I visit the cemetary every day and some days I can feel him with me and others not. Someone had told me that they need to go through a 'transition' before they can make contact with you. I do not know whether that is true or not. I believe that all the people you will meet on this site will understand just what you are experiencing and you should know that we are all going through, or have gone through, just what you are feeling. Do you have any children or family close by to support you right now? I can certainly relate to how you are feeling. Stay strong and May God Bless You.
Comment by charlotte bannon on May 16, 2010 at 8:32pm
my husband passed away 4/19/10 it will be 4 wks. tomorrow,all keep wanting is to feel his presence, a whisper in my ear , the feel of his hand touching my face or is voice call my name,we were married 38 yrs.last nov.& dated at 14yrs. old more than half of me went with him, i feel being on line here could help a lot ,hope to hear from someone soon, charlotte b.

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