Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Jul 17

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Connie on May 3, 2010 at 6:30pm
Does anyone have any suggestions what I should do with a check from the IRS (only $4.95)? I had made a mistake on our 2008 tax form. About 2 months ago, the IRS sent me a letter telling me how much I owed them. I sent the check and because I sent it out right away, I was due $4.95 refund for the interest. Even though I wrote on the form that my husband was deceased, the IRS sent the refund check in both names. I don't know what to do!!!!!
Comment by Tom on May 3, 2010 at 4:14pm
I've run into that road block also, but I keep Loni's name open on our bank account, plus it's a small enough town that they remember Loni and I when we would go into the bank and always say hello to us when we do, or I do now. I had asked the lady at the bank that opened our account there when the bank first opened up for bussiness about Loni's college retirement fund and about how I would be able to deposit the check in her name after Loni had died. She said it would be no problem even if Loni's name was taken off the account. She knew of Loni having cancer from when we sat down with her opening up the checking account. It's what i like about living where I do. People remember you, and know your name. No one who met Loni would ever forget her anyway.
Comment by alaine dougherty on May 3, 2010 at 9:24am
i just joined this group. my husband of 33 years died very suddenly last july 24 while we were on vacation. he was one belt away from being a black belt and we had been ballroom dancing for the last ten years. i am 54 and have known my husband (michael) since i was 17. i know that we are all going to die someday, i just wasn't prepared for the "suddeness" of his death...i guess we are never really prepared for death anyway...we have a way of thinking that if we live healthy and do the right things then it won't happen. i am always reading about grief and talking or blogging so i can not feel so crazy as i take this journey that i never wanted to take. it helps me to know what is coming as far as the grief goes. i always have this shadow of sadness about me no matter what i do. one widow i met said that if will "soften" with time...i hope so...
Comment by sharon on May 2, 2010 at 10:07pm
I keep getting the calls asking to talk with my husband. I just started saying, sorry he is unable to come to the phone, can I take a message. It's usually no, we'll call back later or they say he filled out something the other day on the computer they were giving him a call on it. I don't think he filled out anything since he passed away? As far as the call back, they hang up on me. I am so tired of being a no body in the eyes of anyone calling. If I could get everything in his name I would but sometimes if you change they start all over, you have to put up despoits, his will just be gone so?? Some things I changed, some I never bothered to. What difference does it make anyhow? I pay all the bills now, always did write all the checks and signed my name on them.
Comment by kathleen caylor on May 2, 2010 at 6:35pm
How about the cop trying to serve papers for a lawsuit,regarding a traffic accident my husband had 2 yrs.ago.I told he had a long trip ahead of him!!
Comment by Marlena on May 2, 2010 at 2:24pm
My Tom received a jury duty notice a couple of months after he was gone. Of course, I was not happy about getting it. What I really wanted to do, where it asks to put in his current address, was to put his plot number and cemetary address, but I was nice; I didn't. Instead I wrote deceased in big letters across the front of it and mailed it back. So far it's worked, I haven't received another letter. But if I do get another one I will put his cemetary address on it.
Comment by Yvonne on May 2, 2010 at 8:57am
Tom, Don't even get me started on that . Once again as a woman and a widow in society I am a non-person. I am glad I am stubborn and have to be in control or they would just walk all over me. The latest round started when I went to register our boat trailer. I went through all that in the fall when I registered the vehicles that were in Larry's name to mine. You would think that once they have a death certificate and an affidavit from the lawyer that it would be a one time thing; that the system would tell them that yes it is okay go ahead and register the balance in my name as they come along. But nooooooooo, you have to go through all the **** every time. After 40 minutes of stupidity, I finally walked out with the boat trailer registered in my name. Before I left I asked the girl what would happen if I sold some of the other vehicles that were previously registered in Larry's name, Oh that would be no problem. ???????? Now that doesn't make sense to me. I have to prove that I can register a vehicle in my name but I can sell them any old time I feel like it with no problem.
In the fall when it was time to renew Larry's drivers license I went in and said I guess I have to surrender this. The girl looked it up in the system and said Oh no, we know he is dead and then laughed. Thank you for the compassion &^*(&. So why was a renewal sent then if it was in the system.

How about some sensitivity training!!!!!!!!!! Or how about some training period. As you can see this really burns me.
Take care Yvonne
Comment by Peg Otley on May 1, 2010 at 4:34pm
Dear Vicky,
I feel your pain. I too have liver disease from hep c. I had my hep c for 25 yrs. before it was diagnosed. I got it from a blood transfusion when I was in high school. I am 58 yrs old. I took the interferon treatments and in the beginning, I was told it did not work, Miraculously, with no more treatments, 10 years later, it was gone!!!! I still have cirrhosis but it is dormant. I was one of the lucky ones. It sound as if you have a few issues for a lawyer to check into. I am so very sorry for your loss. My husband died Dec. 13th, 2009 and I am still battling with it. I just came home from the hospital yesterday and my stay was awful because I was waiting for him to walk in my door...he was ALWAYS there for me. I had a rough time with all of the "FIRSTS" after Harry passed. My first to deal with was Christmas......WE LOVED Christmas. Valentine's day was birthday was too and I am not looking forward to Mothers day and Fathers day. Our 37th anniversary will be in October. ON that day I will want to just die. It is a natural thought but I would never help it along. I have family who need me.
I will keep you in my prayers as I do for all who are on here. It is not going to be easy. My husband did not suffer severely for which I am grateful but he was my love of my life and I miss him terribly. I have never lived alone and it bites. I HATE it.
God Bless You and have faith. It's very hard but you must deal with it in YOUR own way and don't worry about what others tell you. They have NO clue.
Comment by jan on May 1, 2010 at 1:19pm
Dear Kathy...yuo are NOT alone I have done the same husband and I were very active at Church after he was first diagnosed I asked why and after he past I said how could you. I have not been able to go back to Church since and we used to go every week....its just not fair!!
Comment by Tom on May 1, 2010 at 10:44am
The reason I brought up that story is because my friend called me last week and told me his wife had passed away a month ago. It's been ten years since i last heard from him. It was his wifes grandmother that knew Jessy James, and his brother Frank James and would tell us stories about them.

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